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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think someone might want this job?!

50 replies

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:01

Being as brief as I can, I would love some feedback on whether you think AIBU to think someone (perhaps a student?) would consider this a job, and whether you think the money is reasonable. Like most, we don't have lots of spare cash, so I have to try and offer something we can afford. I can't afford a qualified nanny for instance.
Basically, I hate staying overnight on my own. I have tried it many times and I just can't do it. My DH has to spend 1- 2 weeks in US quite regularly, and this leaves me on my own with two children under 5.
The daytimes are fine, provided I can get sleep on a night time, and part of that is having someone else in the house at night. My DH does not sleep well and I hate having to pace around a dark empty house on my own.
Anyway - I would love to be able to 'employ' someone to stay overnight when DH is away. It is not regular as such, but on average once every four/six weeks. So I was thinking mybe a female student from the local Uni etc... might be happy to do this to earn some cash, as they would probably like the flexibility too. Minimal or no childcare would be involved - they could arrive, say 8pm and leave in the morning before school run. They literally would be coming to sleep overnight. There is an ensuite guest bedroom at the other side of the house for their use, completely private. (Makes it sound grand - actually just a funny house layout).
Do you think it would appeal? Would something like 30 pounds (150 for the week) sound okay? What do you think?

OP posts:

GingerWrath · 29/02/2012 20:23

You need to get help with your anxiety, I know plenty of mothers that cope with their DH's being away for months on end without close family support.

Dozer · 29/02/2012 20:23

Therapy for the anxiety would be better.

The unusual incidents you mention are more likely to happen in the daytime.

FariesDoExist · 29/02/2012 20:25

OldGreyWiffle - I know OP didn't say she needed a bodyguard, I'm sorry if I sounded mean it's just that I've never heard of anyone renting someone for the night purely for company - other than a bodyguard or an escort agency etc!

I'd like to see the advert for the job, I can't imagine anyone would go for it but then again some posters have said they would - so I'm wrong!

CagneyNLacey · 29/02/2012 20:27

I would love a job like this, bit of a break for me plus some extra cash! What's not to like?

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:31

Thanks DaisySteiner and I do take your points. Well, the incident with DS was an 'emergency' so wouldn't expect it to happen often. It is more the thought of having someone on hand, as it were, should I absolutely need help. Otherwise it is just the reassurance of having someone else there.

I suppose other people (amittedly not all) might have a family member stay over or similar - I can't do that. I know my weaknesses - we all have them, and I don't think I necessarily need to embark on a course of anxiety therapy or ADs as I am happy about everything else.

OP posts:

TotemPole · 29/02/2012 20:33

freesia, what exactly would you expect them to do? Will they be in their own room from 8pm. Would you want them to wake if there is a problem with the children. Would they have dinner & breakfast with you?

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:33

I have actually 'coped' before - my DH has always travelled - it is just difficult for me, so as I am seeing it - why not get help rather than stressing, and let someone earn a little cash at the same time.

OP posts:

smoggii · 29/02/2012 20:33

I would have doen this when I was at uni, sounds great.
You could advertise for a student nanny at the local college. It will give them some experience and supplement their income. You do need to be clear about parameters though. What exactly do you want/need.

I do think you need to talk to the docs/counsellor about your anxiety - CBT might help

DaisySteiner · 29/02/2012 20:37

But there is a fairly high chance that at some point at your life you might need to cope on your own on a permanent basis: you might split up, you might outlive him. Those things are traumatic enough without being afraid to be in the house on your own at night. Isn't there something else you'd rather spend £150 a month on?!

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 29/02/2012 20:39

I think this is very reasonable... I have fears that others find difficult to understand, and I can see how having someone overnight really would help you. In some cultures, too, a women would never be allowed to be alone overnight with her children, and your need for overnight help would be seen as very normal.

But I just think you would just need to be vey clear and specific about your needs - some job applicants might assume that you need help with childcare, or the sort of overnight supervision required by some people with epilepsy. Also (and I really don't want to worry you, but) you should probably ask for references and a CRB in the same way that you would from a potential nanny. Just to be safe.

harbingerofdoom · 29/02/2012 20:39

it's a lovely idea to think of a student to keep you company.
Forget the nannying side of it-why not choose somebody that is studying something that you are interested in.
Perhaps try a language?

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:40

I am looking to have the reassurance of someone else in the house overnight. They could arrive as late as they like eg 8/9pm after dinner as I go to bed around 9.30/10am or am busy tidying up. The house is not huge but big enough to not be on top of each other, so I guess they might watch TV (one in the room too), read, drink tea, maybe help with a little tidy up etc... would only disturb them in case of emergency. In morning they would be welcome to leave whenever and help themselves to breakfast. They would have a private shower room.
But I do like that idea of having a cup of tea made for me!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:44

smoggi, that is a great idea about a student nanny! Thanks!

OP posts:

desperatenotstupid · 29/02/2012 20:44

Not sure if this has been said already, just read OP - but why not simply rent that room out to a student, provide basic meals in return for the promise to be around when your DH isnt?

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:49

desperate.... perhaps that is also an idea, would just need to think about how things would work when DH is home or we want guests to stay though.
I didn't really think students would want just a room to rent - I thought they would tend to rent with groups of friends. Hadn't thought of that.
I would have done this job if I was at Uni, especially because it would not exactly interfere with day times. I do like the idea of rental income too!

OP posts:

WibblyBibble · 29/02/2012 21:02

Er, I think people would do it if they believed you wrt the purpose of the job but unfortunately if e.g. I saw this 'job' advertised on craigslist/a local paper, I would think 'something dodgy is going on there' and think you were a murderer or something. Sorry. Maybe if you can somehow make it out as wanting the other person to be a 'carer in case of emergency' then it might seem less bizarre.

FriggFRIGG · 29/02/2012 21:10

I'd do it.
Where do you live,I can come now....

desperatenotstupid · 29/02/2012 21:10

A post-graduate student might well be interested in such a position and that would be better because post grads are at uni all year, whereas a undergrad would probably want to go home during holidays and some weekends.

FariesDoExist · 29/02/2012 21:20

I was just on the Employment Issues Board and found this!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/employment_issues/1417887-Would-you-be-interested-in-a-lodger-one-night-a-week-and-how-much-would-you-charge

IvanaHumpalot · 29/02/2012 21:32

What about an older person, rather than a student? Someone who wouldn't mind a brown envelope now and again. This sounds perfect for someone like my mum, who want's to supplement her pension and is completely with it. A previous poster who is a carer sounds interesting.

Alternatively, I'd bring you a cuppa in the morning :)

HairyBeaver · 29/02/2012 21:35

I think its a great idea!! I'd do it for you, where abouts are you

hippoCritt · 29/02/2012 21:38

I'm on my way too, what's your postcode? It's going to be a full house soon

GrahamTribe · 29/02/2012 21:44

This might be like a crazy, dumb-ass idea and it won't help with the DC but have you considered having a dog? I don't mean a slavering big guard dog beastie but just a family companion who will keep you company in the absence of your DH, bark and be a deterrent should someone come to the door and get you out and meeting people you wouldn't otherwise meet, a different set to those on the nursery school run and generally be a comfort to you. My DH is away on business a lot too and I find our dog a big reassurance and comfort.

You may not want the extra work or be interested in owning one so sorry if it's a mad and unthinkable suggestion.

galletti · 29/02/2012 21:47

I think OP just wants some reassurance in her house at night - having someone else in the building DOES make you feel better/safer, but of course you have to be of that mindset to understand it i suppose.

Freesia - have you thought about someone older perhaps - like someone whose children have grown up - bet there a lot out there!

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 22:02

Thanks for all of the replies! Just about to head off to bed.
Yes, an older person would also work very well - as long as they are mobile and 'with it', that is another great idea. Perhaps advertise in a church newsletter or something? (Not presuming all people go to church!). Perhaps rent-a-gran?
Don't wish to give away exact location online, but I am in Surrey, Guildford is probably the nearest biggest town (I think) although I am more into the countryside (but within reach of colleges).
I had entertained the dog idea, but haven't owned a dog before and not sure I want to take on the extra responsibilites just yet, on top of the children being so young.
I do think/ hope that when the children are a bit older, staying alone might not worry me so much.

OP posts:

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