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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still supervise baths/showers for 10 year old DSs.

45 replies

BigMommaOf4 · 29/02/2012 14:37

If sent up to get washed on their own they will: drench the bathroom (and I mean drench), spend hours in there, not actually wash themselves (just sit there/stand under shower) or pretend they've washed but have just changed straight into pjs. I also have a 15 year old who will literally spend an hour under a hot running shower morning AND night meaning the bathroom is running with condensation even with the window open and is unpleasant to use afterwards.

I have now started to insist that I am present in the bathroom and will wash hair and be generally Sargeant Majorish (I have started to time 15 yr old for 10 mins max). Tis a PITA as I already have a baby DC to bathe and put to bed and I would expect the older ones to see to themselves.

AIBU? DS's not happy and are saying they are too old for me to be in bathroom.

OP posts:

Louboo2245 · 29/02/2012 14:41

I can understand your frustration, but I think 10 is too old to be supervising them in the shower. I think you've got the right idea with your 15 year old, and sending them back in to clear the bathroom when they're finished is another option. My DS is 7 nearly 8 and he is in charge of bathing himself. I check he has washed his hair and brushed his teeth when he gets out but other than that he is in charge of himself. If they are ever to learn, you need to leave them to it.

TroublesomeEx · 29/02/2012 14:42

I make a mid bath check on my DS (13). He would sit in the water for an hour and 'forget' to wash. He can't wash his hair and it ends up being a nasty combination of greasy patches and unrinsed shampoo patches.

It's vile.

I still wash his hair.

DS isn't happy about it either. I just told him that he holds all the power in this case and that if he doesn't want me in the bathroom at bathtime, he needs to wash his hair and himself properly.

DD is 5 and, whilst I wash her hair, her washing and general self care skills are better than DS's. It's not just a teenage thing either, he's never been able to do it. GRRRR!!!

mrsruffallo · 29/02/2012 14:42

I wouldn't wash their hair for them, that's for sure. I might give then 20 mins each and check them and the bathroom upon their departure. They would be expected to leave it in a reasonable condition or tidy up after themselves.

Seeline · 29/02/2012 14:42

I still keep an eye on DS (10) whilst he is showering - mainly for the reasons you've already given

he'll never get in there if left on is own

-once in there he will 'forget' to use soap/shampoo -if shampoo gets near his hair, he then fails to rinse it

water all over the bathroom through leaving shower on and open shower door

I don't stand over him the whole time, but am usually upstairs getting DD to bed. I have to say I would be happier leaving DD(7) just to get on with things

TroublesomeEx · 29/02/2012 14:42

Oh and he has been taught. So many times. And supported, and has a mirror that he can use. And... and... and...

workshy · 29/02/2012 14:42

DS at 10 is entitled to privacy in the shower IMO

if he is pissing about and not washing, the going to school stinking, he will learn a valuable life lesson when everyone either avoids him or tells him he stinks!

so for being in the bathroom YABU

setting a time for a 15 year old YANBU -don't they realise how much water and electricity they are wasting????

Firawla · 29/02/2012 14:45

yabu - they have said they dont want you in there, you need to respect their privacy.
yanbu to give a time limit though

DialsMavis · 29/02/2012 14:47

YABU! Give DS some privacy FGS! Then by all means punish him if he doesn't do it properly and leaves the bathroom a wet mess....

TheCrackFox · 29/02/2012 14:50

Yabu

However I can turn off the shower from outside of the bathroom so DS1's hour long showers are a thing of the past.

Original poster

BigMommaOf4 · 29/02/2012 14:51

It seems they will never learn. We have been through this since the age of 7 and they are still doing exactly the same things. When I come downstairs after putting DC4 to bed, I am knackered and I really don't want to keep running up there to see what they are doing, so I am marching them up there and doing it for them.

OP posts:

CakeMixture · 29/02/2012 14:53

I have this problem with my 10yo.
I go and eject him after 10mins - and ensure that he is at least wet all over and hair washed. We only have a bath. I never lurk in the bathroom - he is 10

if they drench the bathroom - they clear it up!

niceguy2 · 29/02/2012 14:53

Jesus! Seriously....10 years old and you are washing his hair!?!?! Supervising bath times???

My DS would FREAK if I tried that.

Time limit thing sounds fine to me.

niceguy2 · 29/02/2012 14:54

Agree with cake. If they drench the place, make them clear it up. Be really cruel and insist they do it with a small cloth rather than a big towel. I bet after a couple of times they'll soon stop.

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 14:56

I totally understand where you're coming from OP but I'd opt for them doing it themselves and you doing your Sgt Majorish bit at the end in checking them and bathroom after.

Maryz · 29/02/2012 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 29/02/2012 14:58

I have a timer for ds who is nearly 11 otherwise he would spend hours in the shower. He does not want me in the bathroom with him though!

bochead · 29/02/2012 14:58

Get a cheap clockwork kitchen timer for the 15 year old and set the alarm to go off after 10 mins outside the bathroom door. If he messes up the bathroom make him mop it up till it's in the same condition he entered it in.

Re the 10 year old. Pop in at the 5 minute mark and give him a hand with his ears/hair then go away again. You only need to wash hair max twice a week at 10 so you can use the timer the rest of the time. A cold wet flannel on the front door step works wonders for little boys who haven't washed behind their ears in the morning. Do it outside now the weather is warmer for maximum squirm effect - you'll only need to do it twice. Once for the intial squirm and then a couple of monts later when they've forgotten the first time.

There are harsh penalties here for a drenched bathroom, simply cos I live in a flat with people downstairs and do not want to be presented with a repair bill for someone else's home. Ds sees it as a point of pride to show me a clean, dry floor when he exits the bath, (he's 7).

Maryz · 29/02/2012 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CakeMixture · 29/02/2012 14:59

Are they twins? And you let them bath together?

I think therein lies the solution - they should wash seperately, set the the rules before they go in - if they make a mess they clear it up. If necessary list (on a piece of paper, laminate and stick to wall) jobs they need to do whilst in bath.

Teach them that washing properly is important so that they don't smell and become social outcasts!!

weegiemum · 29/02/2012 15:02

On his own request I will check ds's hair to see it is rinsed properly, and I do look him over to check face has been well scrubbed etc (he's on the very cusp of being spotty at 10). But he showers on his own. Dd2 is 8 and she still likes me to do her hair but as it's long and fine and needs conditioner to stop it being a tangled mess I think that's fair enough. Dd1 is 12 and would be in there all day!

For all of them though - if they make the mess, they tidy it up

QuickLookBusy · 29/02/2012 15:02

The fact you say DS isn't happy about you washing his hair, is your bargining tool.

Ask him if he would rather do it himself, when he says yes, tell him that you will give him one more chance, that you will be inspecting hair and bathroom after his shower and if it isn't done properly then there are no more chances.

mummymeister · 29/02/2012 15:08

Bigmomma they are still doing it because they can - simple as. if you want them to stop then you need to make them take responsibility for the whole thing - going in there, washing themselves properly, rinsing off their hair and then tidying up after themselves. there is no way you should be cleaning up after a 15 yr old and they only get away with it because you carry on doing it. sit them down, have clear rules (10 mins or whatever you decide) give them a timer say at the end of the timer they get out and clean up the mess. if the mess isnt done then the mobile is confiscated (or the wii or whatever else they most care about) this is such hardened behaviour that to crack it is going to take you time and a lot of energy but seriously 15 when do think it is going to stop if you dont make it.

takingiteasy · 29/02/2012 15:16

I leave my 6 year old DS to it. He bathes every second night, washes hair 2 times a week. He's perfectly capable of washing in a bath.

For some reason though every morning before school I'm doing the dreaded mother thing of licking my thumb and wiping a mark off. No matter how often he 'washes' his face in the morning there's still something left over from breakfast there.

dementedma · 29/02/2012 15:17

my DS is also 10 and a real soap dodger. he has got really private recently though and won't have me in the bathroom, which suits me fine. I know he mostly just sits in the water, it's the hairwashing thing that drives me nuts. he knows now that I can tell the difference between hair that has just been wetted and hair which has been shampooed - now he wafts the shampoo over it in the hope it will smell shampooed!! He must think my head zips up the back
I have resorted to threatening to come in and wash him like a baby if he doesn't do it properly - this usually does the trick.

Davsmum · 29/02/2012 15:18

There is no excuse for a 10 year old to be so much trouble over having a bath.
Make them bath separately - tell them what you expect and set consequences if they don't follow the rules.
You really should not have to check that a 10 year old has cleaned themself properly as they should be more than capable.

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