To still supervise baths/showers for 10 year old DSs.

[BigMommaOf4]

If sent up to get washed on their own they will: drench the bathroom (and I mean drench), spend hours in there, not actually wash themselves (just sit there/stand under shower) or pretend they've washed but have just changed straight into pjs. I also have a 15 year old who will literally spend an hour under a hot running shower morning AND night meaning the bathroom is running with condensation even with the window open and is unpleasant to use afterwards.

I have now started to insist that I am present in the bathroom and will wash hair and be generally Sargeant Majorish (I have started to time 15 yr old for 10 mins max). Tis a PITA as I already have a baby DC to bathe and put to bed and I would expect the older ones to see to themselves.

AIBU? DS's not happy and are saying they are too old for me to be in bathroom.

Time limit is fine, not respecting privacy is not. They get to an age where they either have to be responsible for their own soaping or not get soaped.

They need a degree of privacy.
Set time limits and bang on the door when times up.
Make them mop up any mess after.
I did this with mine, though one was a soap dodger, would run the shower put not get in
Simple solution was to put shampoo in his hair as he went through the door so he HAD to wash it out

Ive two boys and since they were 8 Ive not been in the bathroom, if they don't use soap thats their look out not mine, I taught them how to wash hair if they don't wash it also their problem.

They are now 23 and 18, the 18 year old when home from Uni takes his laptop in their and watches a programme, I have never cared how long they are in there for as thats what having a bath is all about chilling out and relaxing.

If I want a bath Ive generally had one before or wait until they have finished.

If you get condensation open the window and leave it open. wet towels are a given. just pick them up and hang them to dry.

Seriously bathing is supposed to take time.

If he is uncomfortable with your presence then YABU, he is entitled to some privacy.

OMG. You need to leave them to get washed by themselves. Agree on the timer thing at someone mentioned, but they need to learn at that age not to throw water out if the bath or shower, so make them clean up after themselves.

I have twin sons of 10 yrs old too. They shower independently each morning and usually at least wet their hair then too and one of them often uses shower gel on his too.

DT2 has Asperger's traits and isn't v good at washing properly. So once a week (sometimes twice), they also have a bath (one at a time) and they don't mind at all if I pop in and out of the bathroom, telling them not to forgot to wash specific bits etc and also helping with washing hair. This is really just to ensure DT2 washes properly once a week and by doing the same with his twin, I ensure he doesn't realise I'm singling him out.

Neither is all that bothered by my 'help' although they do pretend to cover up or shriek about their right to privacy sometimes. But it's all a joke to them and we have the kind of family where no one feels they need to hide away shamefully nor feel their privacy will not be respected if they want this.

I think at this age, it's a question of getting the balance right between the growing need for privacy and my role as their mother (solo mum) to ensure they're clean, don't smell and continue to learn about managing personal hygiene. In another year or so I expect I really can't intrude at all so it feels like a crucial time, on the cusp of puberty, to help them improve on washing themselves.

I let mine wash alone at 8 and stopped doing any checks by 10.
Id set a timer ,let him have his privacy and supervise the clean up.

Reply3-YABUU to wash a 13yr olds hair is very odd.........BIT CREEPY.

My DS 8 and 13 shower themselves.
I wouldn't want to be in the bathroom with them.
Ds2 is very good at keeping clean, washing hair etc
Ds1 will happily stay in shower for 45 minutes, sadly for him, there are 5 people who have to get showered and out of the house do everyone has a 15 min time limit. I wouldn't dream of washing his hair!

One day they will discover girls and all this will pass.

If they want privacy they should have it. But there's nothing creepy about them not wanting it- we're talking about family here!

I usually run my 9 year old DS's bath, although he's starting to take over the responsibility, as it's hard to get the mixture of hot and cold water right (very hot water and no thermostat in our house). I always pop some shower gel/bath foam in with the running water, so even if he doesn't actively soap himself, he must still get clean enough from lying in soapy water. Then I disappear.

Is that something you might consider, OP? I think you should also make them bath/shower separately, as lots of others have already advised.

YABU, set a timer fair enough but to physically check that your ds is washing properly whilst he is in the bath is a little odd.

And to the poster that checks on her 13YO DS whilst he is IN the bath and washes his hair... that is creepy he is in what year 8 at school, sorry but you are setting him up to have problems. Even in families there are boundaries and this crosses one.

Oh, Ffs!

Personally I wouldn't wash a 13 year old's hair because i would hope thwt they could do it themselves by then. But I do sometimes help my 16 year old rinse hers- it's very long and if she's hennaed it or something then it's hard to tell if it's properly rinsed. Am I creepy too?

I still have to stick my head in and tell ds to was his hair. Or sometimes if he's in the bath & not the shower I will wash it. He is at swimming twice a week & manages ok I presume. Although i totally get the drenching the place. Not him on his own but along with the younger boys they woukd soon cause havoc.

Seeker there is a difference between your 16dd asking for help rinsing her hair, and a mother knowing her son at 13 is uncomfortable with her washing his hair. If he smells he smells his friends will soon tell him.

There is nothing creepy about washing your child's hair - creepy and family don't mix. Parents and children share a bond which should never be labelled creepy. It's unneccessary and a bit intrusive of OP but not creepy

Agree Doin, it isn't creepy to wash your child's hair fgs. What's creepy about seeing your child naked in the bath??

I do think if a teenager doesn't want you to do it, it's invading their privacy big time. But it isn't creepy.

Sorry DoMe

My 16 year old is currently doing her hair at the bathroom mirror wearing a minute towel. 10 year old ds is in the shower. I've just gone in with clean towels. Creepy?

I don't know if 'creepy' is the right word but I think if a mother is still washing her child's hair when they are 13 it says a lot about the mother,.. perhaps she needs to let go and let the child grow up. The mother may have a problem 'letting go'.

My sister's 4 year old gets annoyed because he isn't allowed to wash his own hair !