Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by the smugness of some parents who have TV-free homes?

105 replies

marfisa · 28/02/2012 23:42

A friend/colleague of mine boasted posted on her facebook (in connection with World Book Day) that her DC's imaginations "run free" because they have never been allowed to watch telly or play on games consoles. As a result (she says) they love to read! and they run round the house pretending to be ancient Egyptians!

It isn't the first time she has made comments like this and it always irks me. I have to refrain from posting a snarky response along the lines of, "My DS watches telly AND owns a Nintendo DS. Yet amazingly, his imagination still manages to run free!" In fact, we are a bookish household and he loves to read. Yet he has also been infatuated at various points with Ben10/Power Rangers/Dr Who/Club Penguin/Moshi Monsters/Pokemon and I see NOTHING wrong with this. How narrow-minded does a parent have to be in order to think that telly and computer games can't nourish a child's imagination as well? Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating UNLIMITED telly and gaming. I don't even have a problem with families not owning a TV (I know a number of families who don't, and I'm sure their DC are surviving just fine). I just think that fostering love of books is much more about having lots of books around than about banning TV and Nintendo altogether. And I'm sick of the implication that the more telly your DC watch, the less imagination they will have. Pop culture can be pretty damn amazing. If you want to restrict your kids' access to it, fine, but don't be all pretentious about it. Impersonating a Time Lord does not necessarily involve less imagination than impersonating an ancient Egyptian. end rant

OP posts:
Archemedes · 29/02/2012 07:46

Shes obvioulsy looking for attention/praise I think depriving her of it will be punishment enough lol.

bejeezus · 29/02/2012 07:50

YANBU!

we don't watch tv

If I ever say that for any reason, I always add that it is not in a 'Guardian reader's kind of way. We just don't.

(i read the guardian too, but don't tell anyone!)

lesley33 · 29/02/2012 07:50

I only know 2 adults that wrre not allowed any tv at all as kids - or videos either (was a long time ago). One said she hated it as always felt left out when kids played games like charlies angels and she had to pretend she knew what people were talking about.

Other loves tv as an adult but can't regulate her viewing at all. Whhen I first met her she didn't have a tv and I assumed this was because she didn't like tv, she later said it was because she liked it too much. But when she did buy one she had to get rid of it as she would literally come in from work and sit in front of the tv until 1 or 2am and then in the morning before work.

tbh I still count watching dvd's or stuff on computers/mobiles as watching tv.

Mishy1234 · 29/02/2012 07:51

She does sound a bit annoying.

Anyway, I thought it was supposed to be any screen time at all (not just TVs and games consoles) and that would include the computer she's using for Facebook. Do the children see that on at all?

My nephew didn't see any TV at all until after 2, but now seems to watch more of it than my children. Tbh I think the research into screen time does have a point, but really refers to households who have it on all the time. I don't know anyone who does that and most people I know have specific programmes the children like to watch.

Just delete her from your Facebook OP and then you won't have to listen to her bragging!

NotaDisneyMum · 29/02/2012 07:51

I agree with mimi if your friend is being smug OP then YANBU Wink

But, as a TV free home ourselves, DP and I have noticed a pattern - if we mention to someone that we don't have a TV (in response to the 'did you see.....' or 'are you watching....' questions) we seem to generate a lot of defensive responses!
There seems to be a guilt associated with it; yet, both of us recognise it is fabulous escapism and have in the past been dedicated to specific series/programmes - but it's just not right for us right now Smile

Why is it that some people think only 'smug' people don't have a TV?

belgo · 29/02/2012 07:54

YANBU. It's fairly easy to be a TV home if you have the internet, which all of my TV -free friends have.

Would have been a lot harder ten or 20 years ago not to have TV, before the internet existed.

lesley33 · 29/02/2012 07:56

notadisneymum - You don't sound smug. But sadly some tv free parents are very smug and do boast about it. I think people get defensive because they may fear they are being judged - even if they are not. Watching tv is fine, but nobody thinks its an activity worth boasting about for example.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 29/02/2012 08:14

Tbh I think the research into screen time does have a point, but really refers to households who have it on all the time.

Yup, I think it's a good example of how anxious parents pick up on advice not really aimed at them and take it to extremes, another example being bedtime routines. When CC experts say that bedtime routines are a good thing, they dont mean that if you fail to get your child into bed and asleep within the same 5 min slot every day until they are 10 they will end up in jail.

halcyondays · 29/02/2012 08:46

Yanbu, she sounds very smug about it.

blackteaplease · 29/02/2012 08:54

We don't have a tv and this generates an enormous amount of bewilderment amongst our family and friends. But we do watch iplayer/dvds on the laptop so don't feel we are missing out.

OP- your friend is being smug on facebook but you are being equally judgemental about her behaviour.

fullofregrets · 29/02/2012 08:58

My DS, 2.8, loves the tv. Loves it. I think he takes after his dad. So he watches about an hour a day and some of it is rubbish. But he is also read to a lot and taken lots of different places. His imaginary play is very good, even if on occasion he pretends to be Diego or dora. Last week I overheard two elderly ladies having the following conversation whilst DS was pretending to be dora rescuing animals whilst we were at the swimming pool;
Lady 1: is that child a boy or a girl?
Lady 2: it's a boy.
Lady 1: that's what I though, but its name is dora.

Anyway, I think it is up to individual parents regarding what they do about tv but like everything it is a choice and there is no reason to be smug about it. Personally I believe that watching hours of it probably isn't great but watching some to let me go on mumsnet doesn't do any harm. I also think that parents that don't allow their children any access to technology aren't helping them given how much ict is used in schools now.

lesley33 · 29/02/2012 08:58

But if you watch iplayer and dvd's this is really the equivalent to having a tv surely?

treadwarily · 29/02/2012 09:12

It's not about the TV though, is it, but rather her superiority complex.

I think this sort of irritation is available across the board of parenting. It starts with what sort of birth you had and continues on ad infinitum. If you continue to expose yourself to their company.

I find it a lot more satisfying to ditch the fuckers and stick with nice people who don't need to bolster their fragile self-esteemage with one up man ship'ing.

fuzzpig · 29/02/2012 09:13

I've never found anyone to be judging me, or to be defensive about their own viewing. Quite the opposite - a few people have said it's 'cool' or that they wish they could do that but don't feel they could give up telly. Although my line manager did ask (in a nice way) if it was for religious reasons. I laughed. :o

For us, it's nothing to do with research studies or parenting gurus - it's more about our own habits than the DCs' actually. In our first home we had cable and the telly was on all the time. When we moved to a non-cabled area we realised we weren't as lost without it as we thought, but still ended up watching stuff we didn't actually want to watch IYSWIM. So we experimented with disconnecting and liked it. We watch DVDs (I also get free rentals in my job) but it's only stuff we make an active decision to see rather than because we can't be arsed to change channel or just because it's on, which is what we used to do. DVDs are our vice, we have loads all organised in CD wallets.

I could never be smug about our lack of TV channels - we still watch far too much and I really want to cut down.

queenrollo · 29/02/2012 09:14

We don't have broadcast TV. We kept the telly for watching DVD's and playing games on the XBox.

Basically we didn't see the point of paying all that money for something that us grown ups barely used.
We've found the same response as notadisneymum when it comes up in conversation.
DS doesn't have TV at his dad's and is Home Educated (so isn't immersed in the school atmosphere of kids talking about TV) and he still manages to find out about certain programmes (like Ben10) and so we buy him DVD's so he can watch stuff, or use the iPlayer.

My DS has a very vivid imagination (which he had when he watched too much Cbeebies). But even with limited exposure to television his two main imaginary games to play are Dr Who and Star Wars:Clone Wars. The only non tv imaginary game is English Civil War Hmm because my husband is into model soldiers which DS has now started playing with.

Scholes34 · 29/02/2012 09:15

I find myself quite often saying "I don't really watch TV", because there appears to be very little on there, despite oodles of channels on Freeview.

purplepansy · 29/02/2012 09:18

I did read the OP, but I just think it's up to her friend to decide how she wants to bring up her kids. Both the OP and her friend have a 'line' that they follow. One posts smugness on facebook, one posts on mumsnet - both are seeking to justify their parenting strategies.

Another view would be that if you feel annoyed by it, then why? If you're confident in the decisions you've made for your children then why does the implied criticism of your decisions annoy you? Because you think they're wrong and you want them to agree with you? Because you're worried they might be right and that challenges your decision? Have the confidence to see her posting for what it is - someone proud that they are doing what they believe to be right for their kids.
Whatever! I stand by my YABU!!!

Cortina · 29/02/2012 09:24

Trying banning TV for a month before passing judgement. We tried it and now I see things very differently.

messymammy · 29/02/2012 09:26

When we were kids my mum had no money. We didn't have a tv, she hand made most of our clothes or up cycled charity shop clothes, she made her own yogurt ffs. I'm pretty sure she looked pretty superior to other mums. And she probably would have boasted about how we did love to read, probably in an effort to make herself feel better about not being able to give us so much.
Who cares why this other mother parents the way she does , you clearly feel your way is better and since you can't be sure of her reasons, yabu.

TheCrackFox · 29/02/2012 09:33

YANBU

Most "TV free households" seem to have computers that have TV or DVD players so their DCs do have screen time.

We used to live next door to a family with no screens and I found their children to be a massive pain in the arse. They were always coming round to "play" except they ignored our similar aged DCs to watch our TV instead.

Bennifer · 29/02/2012 09:34

I'm really intolerant of people who don't have televisions. It's just a medium like any other, where one can be selective

Bennifer · 29/02/2012 09:35

What gets me more though is people who don't have a TV, and therefore don't pay TV licence, but then watch programmes on the iplayer

cory · 29/02/2012 09:36

As it so happened I grew up without television and I didn't turn into either a television hater or an uncontrolled television addict; to me, it's just one of those things that you can choose either to have or not. Like cream cake or capuccinos: enjoyable enough in moderation, but no more essential than a whole load of other, equally pleasurable things.

But that may well have been because my parents didn't make a big song and dance about it.

We didn't have a telly either when dd was little and now we do. I can't say it's been a massive change, turning us from one kind of family.

treadwarily · 29/02/2012 09:42

We did get a TV when I was a child but I never watched then and I never watch now. When I was little it was because I couldn't hear very well but now, I don't know? I think I've missed out on a life skill. It's not the end of the world, though. Lots of other things to do.

Fecklessdizzy · 29/02/2012 09:46

My Dad was like that ... He wouldn't have one in the house when we were growing up.

It made it really hard to join in with what the other kids were chatting about at school as I had no idea what they were talking about! To be honest it was pretty isolating.

I think anything that feeds the imagination, games, TV, books, radio or whatever is a good thing and singling out one form of communication as more worthy than another is daft.

Swipe left for the next trending thread