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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider asking dh to quit his job?

38 replies

Magneto · 27/02/2012 19:52

Dh has an utterly crap job. He has worked his arse off for 7 years for no return. His employers constantly take the piss, let him down and use him. He is currently having to pay £300+ per month in petrol just to get to the damn job. They won't fix his hours each week so we never know when he will be working, can't afford childcare and the relatives we are asking to look after ds are getting sick of 5am starts! For the privilege of being shit on each day, dh earns approx £900 per month after tax.

I earn more than dh, not by a lot but I have a decent enough job. It's somewhat secure (I work for a bank) but obviously this could change overnight. If I was the sole wage earner I could cover all our outgoing bills except food (and obviously "extras" like clothes, treats entertainment etc). Dh has a number of hobbies which have the potential to earn a little bit of money, involving cars and stamps (yes stamps Hmm) but which he doesn't have time to persue.

Am I completely mad to even consider asking dh to quit his job? If he did we wouldn't need childcare, I would be under less pressure as I wouldn't have to do so much at home as well as at work. It would give me the opportunity to do more at work (overtime for example which I can't do at the moment as we don't have childcare). Dh would have a chance to look for a job he actually likes (he's had no luck so far despite years of applying for anything and everything), he would have time to go back to education - there is a course he wants to start in September anyway. We may actually even have a chance to see each other Shock during the week (we currently have half a day at home with each other each week - if we're lucky!).

I just feel that aside from the money, we would be far less stressed and even though I would love nothing more than for it to me me who stays at home with my son, I know that as the main wage earner I have a responsibility to my family.

OP posts:
MrsMagnolia · 27/02/2012 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McHappyPants2012 · 27/02/2012 19:59

If you can't afford child care how can you afford to be £900 down a month

mumnotmachine · 27/02/2012 20:00

Same as happypants- can you afford to be £900 a month down?

hiddenhome · 27/02/2012 20:00

If you can afford it, why not? I encouraged dh to quit his job after he was offered voluntary redundancy. He's never looked back Smile

Perhaps your dh could become a childminder if he'll be caring for your ds at home.

desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 20:00

I would think that it would be a big mistake in this climate for him to quit this job, look for another one, absolutely but i certainly wouldn't get him to quit unless you are thinking long term because it is so much easier for him to get anotehr job from a job, if that makes sense. If it is a long term decision for him to be a SAHP then if you can afford it then go for it, might you be entitled to tax credites if it just your wage coming in? Maybe look into that? What does your DH do? could he maybe retrain?

mumnotmachine · 27/02/2012 20:00

He could always look for part time work I suppose with fixed days/hours-

IDontDoIroning · 27/02/2012 20:02

It's not £900 though is it as he spends £300 on commuting.

Coconutty · 27/02/2012 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NatashaBee · 27/02/2012 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 27/02/2012 20:03

Best to look for another job whilst you still have a job - quit a job and you are 50% less employable.

If he looked for a part time job he could earn more as he would pay less in tax.

desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 20:04

But they wont be £900 down, there will be less to pay on childcare, and the OPs dh is spending out £300 a month on petrol. It could be that her wage could be supplemented with Tax credits depending on what she earns. As i said, i would be dubious about him leaving to look for other work, but if there was maybe the chance of him working from home? Retraining? or if the finances can be wrked out then by all means be a SAHP, but do take heed, i am strugling terribly to get back to work after being a SAHM for six years.

Original poster
Magneto · 27/02/2012 20:05

Currently food plus my travel to work plus dh's petrol is about £700 per month. My wages cover all the bills, dh's pay the £700 (with a little bit left over). So without dh's wages (£900) and but plus the circa £350 ish for petrol because we won't have to pay it, we're short about £330 ish a month. I could rejig some stuff and work overtime to cover this.

OP posts:
desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 20:08

Judging by your lst post Magneto, it sounds like no brainer to me - get him to quit his job and enjoy being a SAHP, if he wants to. I think it could be an ideal opportunity for him to retrain.

Original poster
Magneto · 27/02/2012 20:13

He's just a shop assistant in a small convenience store belonging to a large company. Has been loyal to the company since he started as a paperboy at 14 and despite promises and promises and "secondments" in management positions, it is consistently not amounting to anything. Dh is so disillusioned with looking for work as he has applied for everything and anything for years with not so much as an interview. We have worked on his cv tirelessly (at one point it was based entirely on mine which successfully got me many interviews and my job!) and the only thing we can now add to it is more qualifications, which he will need time to gain.

Part time would be a good option too. It's just such a huge step! I've always had the mentality that if you have a job you cling on with your last breath unless you have something else to jump into!

There are other factors too - I had an early miscarriage last week and I've spent time thinking since and it has led me to realise that there is no point trundling on if noone is happy. Things aren't going to get any better unless we actively change something.

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 27/02/2012 20:20

If you asked him would he say yes? Have you broached the subject with him before?

desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 20:22

oh, i am very sorry to hear that magneto, that must be really hard and i totally understand why you are rethinking your lives. Hve you spoken to your DH about this?

mumnotmachine · 27/02/2012 20:22

And also, if your family is not complete yet, (sorry to hear about mc) then it makes sense a parent is at home if childcare will be an even bigger issue with more children if you can afford it

Even if your husband can find something for say 16 hours a week, two days a week, he woul be earning enough to cover the shortfall, and childcare could be better arranged around that

Original poster
Magneto · 27/02/2012 20:28

I have mentioned it before, but didn't want to get his hopes up until I could be sure of finances (and with potentially another dc on the way) but now with everything that has happened it seems like it might be now or never, or at least in a few months or never!

He's perfectly house trained Wink his mum did a very good job Grin and has often expressed a desire to quit and work on his many hobbies/training and other money making plans.

OP posts:
desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 20:30

Go for it, really - there is no stigma with being a SAHD nowadays, I loved being a SAHM

StealthPolarBear · 27/02/2012 20:33

No chance of opportunities for redundancy coming up where he is in the next year or so?

BsshBossh · 27/02/2012 20:34

Then go for it. What an adventure for you both Smile.

mumnotmachine · 27/02/2012 20:34

Well time to go for it then!

Original poster
Magneto · 27/02/2012 20:44

Unfortunately there doesn't seem like any chance of redundancy where he works.

I'm going to have serious talks with him when I next see him... which may be on Wednesday night about dropping to part time. At least then there will be the chance for him to demand set working hours. (This week he was told that not being able to find childcare at 5am with less than 24 hours notice is not a valid reason to request to work the same shift pattern each week Angry). We will see how that goes and then work from there.

And if you see a thread asking you all how I can instruct dh to make an edible meal out of a tin of pineapples, some pasta and a packet of frozen sausages you will know why Wink.

OP posts:
mumnotmachine · 27/02/2012 20:49

Cook sausages, cook pasta, chop sausages, mix with pasta, add squirt of tomato sauce
Chop pineapple up, put in bowl, eat with spoon

ta-da!!!

Original poster
Magneto · 27/02/2012 20:52

You see this is exactly why I'm the one that is going to be going to work... I couldn't see a meal in the those three things and yet there it is! Grin

OP posts:
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