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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turn down the role of Godmother?

46 replies

annoakley · 27/02/2012 19:46

What it says on the tin really. Been asked by my SIL to become Godmother to my nephew. I'm an atheist and her kids are being baptised into the Catholic church in April as their dad is a Catholic. I'm really close to my nephew but think she should ask someone who is a practising Catholic. She says it doesn't matter but I'm not so sure. Is this the done thing nowadays? We were brought up with zero religious instruction, any advice before I'm shunned for turning this down?

OP posts:
GavisconJunkie · 27/02/2012 19:49

YANBU I'd turn it down. If you're an atheist how can you fulfil the role. Say you can't in all good conscience & it's not fair to the kids. You're honoured etc.

cakeandcustard · 27/02/2012 19:51

I'm an atheist and was asked to be godmother to my catholic neice, unfortunately we enquired and were told only baptised catholics can be godparents to catholic children ... I'm still her honarary godmother though Grin

HeyMicky · 27/02/2012 19:51

I was in the same position, and I said yes. As part of the service, I was asked to support my godson in his faith and his parents in raising him in same. Both of which I happily do - I would never undermine someone else's faith. But I also serve him up a healthy dose of science and skepticism, which his parents don't mind at all. If he ever asks me about my faith or otherwise, I'd be honest about it. Gives him a nice balanced world view, I hope Grin

LindyHemming · 27/02/2012 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletfingernail · 27/02/2012 19:52

YANBU. You are already an important person in your nephew's life and will have a relationship with him regardless. If being a Godparent is something that you don't personally believe is significant then you have done the right thing IMO.

cakeandcustard · 27/02/2012 19:52

On second thoughts it must be baptised Christians as one of the other godparents was CofE

Original poster
annoakley · 27/02/2012 19:53

I thought that too cake but apparently my SIL has enquired with the chapel and non Catholics are allowed to do it. Very strange. My SIL's best mate is becoming Godmother to my niece the same day and she isn't Catholic.

OP posts:
choirmum · 27/02/2012 19:55

Yanbu at all. Godparents stand up in church and make a public declaration that they'll help their godchild to grow in the faith of that church and that they themselves believe in God. If you have no intention of doing that, you should decline the invitation and should be respected for it. I'm sure you're a fabulous auntie!

SauvignonBlanche · 27/02/2012 19:57

Non Catholics are welcome but have to be able to commit to the baptismal promises.
Why not look them up then see how you feel?

Original poster
annoakley · 27/02/2012 19:58

'Baptismal promises'. Sounds like it might involve Sundays, so I'm out Wink.

OP posts:
RVF400 · 27/02/2012 19:59

I'm catholic and I'm pretty sure only baptised catholics can be godparents at a catholic baptism. I would get your SIL to double check with her parish priest.

cakeandcustard · 27/02/2012 20:00

OK, were the people who aren't catholic but are catholic godparents baptised in another church otherwise I've been misinformed? I wasn't baptised at all so maybe that's why I couldn't do it.

I don't see why you can't be a godparent if the parents of the child understand your views and beliefs fully and are still happy for you to fulfil the role even if you don't believe in god yourself. I see it as being asked to become a part of the family and take part in the upbringing of the child? I understand traditionally it means to give spiritual guidance but I think that's open to interpretation - but maybe not if you're catholic Wink

RVF400 · 27/02/2012 20:00

X-post, looks like I'm wrong, eh? 7 years' of faith-school education well spent...Hmm

choirmum · 27/02/2012 20:03

Essentially the baptismal promises declare that you turn to Christ, repent of your sins, renounce evil, believe and trust in God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. A pretty tall order for an atheist! Have the courage of your convictions on this one.

Cherriesarelovely · 27/02/2012 22:18

YANBU. I wouldn't do it, but it would be nice to have a different name for that kind of special guardian role wouldn't it? After all in practise the "job" isn't all about religion is it?

Rhinestone · 27/02/2012 22:34

Non-Catholics can be godparents to Catholics provided there is at least one Catholic godparent. I am a non-Catholic godparent to a Catholic and the othe gp is Catholic so it was fine.

And OP, YANBU to say you don't want to be a godparent. I realise I'm in an unfashionable minority but the clue really is in the title. 'God' is the whole point.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/02/2012 22:39

Rhinestone is right. All godparents have to be christened but at least one has to be a Catholic. We're going through the procedure for dd2 at the moment.

playdotcom · 27/02/2012 23:18

I am a godparent to a Catholic and I'm not christened, but her Godfather is a Catholic. I have no idea how they would check, I just showed up on the day, the priest never even spoke to me. Was all a big faff to be honest, my BIL just did it to get his kids into the best school in the area. They don't even go to chapel now.

redwineformethanks · 27/02/2012 23:22

I think that you are showing respect for religion by asking the question. It may be enough to support the child in his faith without actually being a member of the church yourself. Worth asking

Threeprinces · 27/02/2012 23:30

My family is catholic and my sister's godparents are both Jewish!! Took a bit of persuading the priest for that one but it was who my parents knew would make good godparents. My DS1 has 2 catholic godparents and DS2 has two non catholic godparents, the priest wasn't bothered as long as one of them was Christian. My DH is atheist too but I am catholic and we agreed how we would bring up children long before we had them. I explained my DH's views to the priest and he was fine with DH not joining in the promises as the baptism.

To the OP, I think the role of godparent is to be a special adult in that child's life to help guide it along the way and in a much wider way than religion. If however you don't feel comfortable and would rather not do it you should say so.

Good luck

KnitterNotTwitter · 27/02/2012 23:34

I turned down being godmother to my best friends little girl. would have been totally hypocritical of me as someone who doesn't believe in god.

I did cry though as I was so pleased to have been asked.

Talked it over with my BF and now I'm her 'non-godmother' - acting as a counterweight to the other proper 'godmothers!'

chickydoo · 27/02/2012 23:44

Rhinestone is right.
Have had all 4 of my kids baptised as Catholics ( I'm Catholic) when you have a child baptised in to the catholic faith one of the (usually 3) God parents must be catholic.

aldiwhore · 27/02/2012 23:53

I think respectfully declining is probably the most appropriate in this case.

It goes absolutely against your beliefs, so you'd have to lie in your declaration.

I like the idea of being honorary Godparent though. My best friend is BFG (brilliant fairy godmother) to my yongest, she's an atheist, there was no need for her to stand up in church. She's JUST as important as my eldest's Godparents... if not a little more sometimes.

You're already Aunty, be grateful to your SIL and ask if you could be HGP. If she insists you are needed as Godparent, you will have to decide what course you'll take then.

Its easy to say stand up for your convictions, but if the words you say mean nothing to you then maybe the greater good is not to fall out massively and remain a big part of the child's life? Only you can decide that at the time.

Tiddlyompompom · 28/02/2012 01:17

I'm an athiest godmother to my nephew, and frankly I don't see the point - I am his aunt after all, surely that's enough? I didn't go up to the front during the service with the other godparent as my sis understands I can't make promises I won't keep, but she still wanted me to be his GM. She's very religious, and tried to instigate a 'Godparents day' every year, but it didn't really take...
You're his aunt, so YANBU to say no (nicely) to Godparent duties.

startail · 28/02/2012 01:41

My DF asked if I'd consider being her DCs God mother, but she'd understand if I said no.
I did say no because you have to declare your personal faith during a CofE baptism and I have none.

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