Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to turn down the role of Godmother?

46 replies

annoakley · 27/02/2012 19:46

What it says on the tin really. Been asked by my SIL to become Godmother to my nephew. I'm an atheist and her kids are being baptised into the Catholic church in April as their dad is a Catholic. I'm really close to my nephew but think she should ask someone who is a practising Catholic. She says it doesn't matter but I'm not so sure. Is this the done thing nowadays? We were brought up with zero religious instruction, any advice before I'm shunned for turning this down?

OP posts:

startail · 28/02/2012 01:45

My own DDs are not christened, but they have honouree GPs (DH is Christian)
They are CofE friends and my Jewish BF from university, who taught me more about faith than 11 years of RE.

flyingspaghettimonster · 28/02/2012 03:14

Our daughter was baptised in a catholic church as part of our agreement with the priest when we married (we aren't catholics... We were married there for family reasons). Her godparents had to.include one confirmed catholic... All others could be any faith or what have you. The priest did require proof in the form of confirmation certificate faxed from her priest in spain. The other god parents we picked as they were important people in our lives. Only the catholic godparent has ever remembered my daughter on birthdays and xmas so i think it didn't mean as much to the non religious folks. I don't mean i expected gifts and stuff on birthdays, i just thought godparents were meant to send letters and be a part of the child's life. Only one has done this.

PinkFondantFancy · 28/02/2012 03:35

YANBU - when DD gets baptised later this year, she will have godparents that are committed Christians. We've also got some very dear friends that I hope will be important people in her life, but as they aren't religious they won't play a role in the ceremony but we've asked them to be her 'non-rekigious' godparents if that makes any sense?

SilentBoob · 28/02/2012 04:28

I had to make this decision. In the end I decided that not hurting my friends' feelings was more important than not offending a God I don't believe in or a religion I don't condone.

Thistledew · 28/02/2012 04:55

I am listed as a Sponsor on my 'god-son's' christening certificate. As an athiest I was not comfortable with making a public religious proclamation. I felt it was a real honour that my friend asked me and wanted to make a serious commitment to her son. I felt it would be hypocritical of me to engage in a make believe that I considered the baptismal vows to have any meaning.

fretfree · 28/02/2012 05:12

Apologies for hijacking the threat, but this resonates with something I have been trying to work out. My husband and I are going to be first time parents in a few months. I do not believe in God (I would not describe myself as an atheist, as I do believe in spirituality - just not the idea of a single higher power), whereas he is Christian (but does not attend church). I know that he would really like the baby to be christened, but I cannot stand there and make promises to bring a child up in a faith that I don't have, as I would find it very hypocritical, disrespectful for those with a faith and just wrong.

Grateful for any suggestions or ideas on this!

PeggyCarter · 28/02/2012 05:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DavidaCottonmouth · 28/02/2012 06:08

You are correct to turn it down. As an atheist, you are unable to make the promises required.

choirmum · 28/02/2012 08:14

Hi Fretfree, we were in a similar position to this in that we both believed in God but did not regularly attend church, and I felt very strongly that it would be inappropriate to have our children baptised in that situation. They could make that decision themselves later. MIL was not impressed but DH supported me in the decision. Some time later, the DC began to ask about church and baptism having discussed it at school and we made the decision to start attending church again (I was brought up in the CofE but had drifted). That was 4 years ago and the DC were baptised at ages 10 and 7 having enquired about it themselves and being fully involved in the service, which was lovely. Their godparents were chosen from the church family. DH has since been confirmed. I do feel happier that we did it that way. Hope this helps!

somewherewest · 28/02/2012 10:52

YANBU. I'm a Christian and I really respect your integrity. You don't need to be a godparent to be close to your nephew. Just say that while you appreciate the invitation, love your nephew, and will always be there for him, you don't feel its appropriate to take on that roll.

somewherewest · 28/02/2012 11:02

Fretfree Alot of Christians (I'm one) believe that baptism is something people should be able to chose for themselves when they're old enough. Would it work to agree that your child be brought up with exposure to Christianity, but left to chose themselves? I'm sure it would also be possible to christen a child with just the Christian parent making the promises. Non-conformists are often more flexible than Catholics or Anglicans, as they have no fixed liturgy, so your local Methodist or United Reformed Church might be able to help. Any baptism in the name of the Trinity (ie God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) will be recognised as legitimate by all non-Baptist churches.

ZonkedOut · 28/02/2012 11:13

I'm a catholic, and I think it might vary depending on the priest. However, for DD1s baptism, we were told that we had to have at least one catholic godparent, and any others had to be baptized Christians.

SoupDragon · 28/02/2012 11:13

I have turned down a godmother role twice - once for a friend's child and once for my niece. My reason, which I gave to the parents, was that I felt it would mock their religion to make promises about "christian upbringing".

I offered to be their ungodly mother instead :)

CappyHunt · 28/02/2012 11:19

YANBU. I have turned down the role of Godmother 7 times as I am an atheist. I am therefore an 'honourary' non Godmother to them all instead. As others have said upthread, I felt it would be totally hypocritical to make promises on something that I simply could not and will not be able to fulfil.

Threeprinces · 28/02/2012 11:40

Fretfree - I am catholic, my DH is atheist and we had our children christened. We explained my DH's lack of belief to the priest and he thought it was right that my DH did not have to join in the promises and vows.
Our thinking is that by bringing the children up Christian they could decide themselves later if they don't want to believe. Although i am theoretically catholi i consider myself more generically christian, so we attend a village CofE church from time to time but do not go weekly. We felt that was giving them more choice because it's very rare for someone to suddenly decide to believe as a teenager or adult so we felt we had given them the best options by sowing that seed.

mummytime · 28/02/2012 12:13

Fretfree I have friends where one parent is Christian and the other not, their children were Christened, and the Atheist parent didn't have to make promises or even stand at the front as part of the ceremony (he stayed in the pew I think as that is what he was happiest with, but he wanted to be there). The Vicar (c of e) said he preferred the open honesty to the hypocrisy of some people who make vows they don't believe.

valiumredhead · 28/02/2012 12:17

cake that's odd because I am Godmother to a catholic child and I am C of E.

cambridgeferret · 28/02/2012 12:58

Same problem here.

DH is CofE, I was christened CofE but now pretty well atheist. He would have liked our DDs baptised but realised that there was no point- I would have been pledging to a God I didn't believe in.
So neither of them have been baptised.

I was worried about the reaction from GPs though. In the end, FIL and DF are both pretty non-religious as well so didn't bat an eyelid. MIL couldn't care less, and my own mum just said "Well Ferret, it didn't do you any favours so why lump it on the kids?"
And that was that.

fretfree · 28/02/2012 15:57

Thanks for the suggestions - and again, sorry for the hijack OP.

Pantah630 · 28/02/2012 16:09

I'm Godmother to two catholic children, am neither catholic or christened. We checked with the priest beforehand and he was happy as I was promising to support them in their faith, etc... The choice is yours obviously but I don believe you're being unreasonable if you're atheist rather than agnostic iykwim.

cousinviolet · 28/02/2012 18:51

I'm Godmother to my nephew, and although I was baptised Catholic, I'm now an atheist. My family don't know I'm an atheist, although they know that I'm not a practising Catholic and don't go to church etc. My sister and her husband don't really go to church either, although they got married in one. The other godparent was not Catholic (he might have been baptised CoE), and is very definitely not a practising Christian.

I weighed it up, and figured that they clearly weren't bothered about having practising Catholics as Godparents. With that in mind, I decided it was easier to accept. That said, I now wish I had been straight with them about it.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread