AIBU to have one child, but not the other, baptised?

[trailingvine]

Perhaps more a WWYD...

When my daughter was baptised two years ago it was in our local village church (where we were married too), a lovely, friendly low-key place which we enjoyed attending now and again. She has four fantastic, CofE godparents and it was a wonderful day that we look back on fondly.

We now have a six month old son and would like to acknowledge his arrival in the same way however, we have since moved and our local church is (although friendly) huge and 'high' and we rarely attend as we don't feel especially comfortable there. It's not unwelcome, it's just that the services are very long, very 'smells and bells' and full to the brim. Also, the four special people (not sure if I can call them godparents) we want for our son include two atheists (neither of which 'does' double standards very well) and my daughter's godfather's wife, who is Jewish. The church would want to interview (by phone/questionnaire) the prospective godparents, so we could not chose these people for a formal baptism.

Under these circumstances, would it be unreasonable for us to have a 'faithless' welcoming party in our home instead of a baptism or should we just grit our teeth and get on with doing what we did for DD? We have spoken to a couple of interfaith ministers who can arrange a ceremony at home for us and the church warden thinks that they might still be able to do a little 'welcoming' at the church, if we decide against a formal baptism. But am I making a fuss (and potentially a fight, MIL is very evangelical) over nothing?

Any thoughts appreciated. Thanks.

Trailingvine,

I am glad you have found a solution that works for you.

Regarding your comment Also, the four special people (not sure if I can call them godparents) we want for our son include two atheists (neither of which 'does' double standards very well) and my daughter's godfather's wife, who is Jewish. I thought I would give you my atheist standpoint.

I have been asked to be a godparent three times now, well twice by two close friends and then a third time by someone who knows the first two couples and just said "We want to ask you to be god parent, but we know you won't accept, but wanted to let you know that we wanted to".

For me double standards comes into it, but the biggest thing was that there was no way I was going to lie to my friends (especially in front of their family - many of whom were quite religious).

I suspect that people's desire to marry in a church will be massively reduced in 20 years (as more and more people ignore religion), so I really don't think it will hamper your child at all.

So how many times a month/week should you have to attend church for some people here to consider it "valid" to be married or have your child christened?

Personally I think as long as you give it proper consideration and are acting in good conscience it doesn't matter to me.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, it's how you conduct your life that matters.

I would call myself agnostic these days and have never been a regular church attender anyway. However when we got married I considered myself a Christian and it was important on some level to my husband and myself to get married "before God".

However by the time it came to getting DD1 and indeed DD2 christened I really thought about it and couldn't honestly stand up in church and say I believed Jesus was the son of God, as I don't, or have serious doubts anyway. And the people we'd consider as godparents aren't religious either. So we didn't.

I think it's really positive that people think this through a lot more nowadays and don't just conform to societal pressure.

All kids are born atheist, so it is completely fine to let them find their own way.

find a unitarian church

My husband isn't baptised and his elder brother is. It doesn't bother him often but I think there's a part of him that is disappointed. His brother has a middle name too and he doesn't. I think he sometimes feels like his parents couldn't be bothered. It's not a big deal but just thought I'd mention it.