To make all the teenagers in the country go and live together!!!

[mrsshears]

So they can all put up with each others disorganisation,moodiness and general PITA'ness so we don't have too!!! aarrgghh

"Teens are the type of kids their parents raised them to be.... "

"You don't know how much I wish that were true. It might often be true - but not always."

Oh yes, nature v nurture. Jsmh2, that was a bit of a stereotyping there don't you think?

There are teenagers that are difficult due to bad parenting, I think that would be difficult to deny.

But there will also be difficult teenagers due to - raging hormones, difficult family/school/personal circumstances (I once knew a lovely teen who had a huge amount of trouble coping when his mum died, he was incredibly difficult for a time. Thankfully he came through it okay),the teenagers own personality traits and probably loads of other reasons too. Far too simplistic to blame parenting.

What are your teenagers like jshm2?

I've got an impossible 12 year old. She's rude (to us and to her teachers), lazy and defiant.

Have I made her like this?

How? I've been trying my best, as has DH.

We're constantly on the phone to the school. Constantly. We are doing everything we can to support her teachers. Neither of us were like this at school. I'm a qualified teacher myself and have done everything in my power to help dd with her work - she just rejects me.

Actually I've been sobbing this morning and last night about a horrible scene we had at home yesterday. Because I refused to give her money she threatened to log on to my facebook account (she has managed to find out my password) and lie about things I've said about friends and family ('I'm going to post that you said grandpop is going to die soon', I'm going to post that you said XXX is a bad mother, and that so and so is obese'). I immediately suspended my fb account but she still managed to access it from her phone (which we've now taken off her - her response was to tell us she's going to run away).

I sometimes find home life with dd so stressful I feel on the verge of a breakdown.

Nice to know it's all my fault.

Meant to add - she's mostly lovely to other people. As long as they're not asking her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

I've had so many comments from people outside the family about how lovely and charming she is.

mary - I have an 8yr old like that. It doesn't matter what you do because he never learns the lesson and just acts as if he's hard done by. In comparison my teenagers a breeze.

Ha! They'd expel him within the term.....

The situation you describe is what I most fear Maryz.

I'm scared about the impact of my dd's behaviour on the younger children, my marriage and my physical and mental health.

I said to DH last night - we've spent 18 months (since she started secondary) trying to get her to work at school and do homework. We have encouraged her, bribed her, threatened her, tried to talk to her in an adult way, had support from wider family. The result? Nothing. And she's become more and more aggressive and confrontational. She was in top sets for everything at primary, and has been identified as G&T by her secondary. She's very musical too. But she will not work. She just won't. At school she talks all through the lessons and answers back when teachers tell her to stop. She doesn't want to do anything except socialise and watch crap on tv.

I've taken her phone. I've cut off her Internet. She's grounded. She has no money.

It's made no difference.

I feel we have nowhere left to turn and that I'm just going to have to let her fail. What else can we do?

I feel so disappointed and guilty. I want to phone parent line but I can't stop crying long enough to have a sensible conversation about the situation we're in.

shagmund - she'll come back to you in time.

LeQueen - just about everyone's teens are great around other people's families. It's the way of the world.
Mine were like that - well actually DD was more shouty and surly than DS, but was sweetness and light for other parent's/teachers .
No-one really knows what other people's teens are like at home when no-one else is around other than family.

jshm -

parents obviously.

And it should have been LeQueen rather than LeQueen.

Can I suggest that we introduced TeenSwop? It would work like this

Find 5 fellow sufferers families with a teen the same age

Swop your own teen who is apparently so lovely and articulate elsewhere for that nice friend of his/hers who is so polite when in your home

Rotate once a month to keep them on their toes provide a variety of different family environments.

This means we would only get our own teens back every 6 months or so, and have the polite version of other teens in the interim

HTH

I'm in Helen.

Thankyou Maryz. Your advice is very sensible.

But I'm still grieving for my dreams for dd who seems intent on throwing her chance of an education down the toilet.

I thought that was what boarding school was all about, though teenswap sounds excellent too..

Maybe take her out of school for a year so she can pack shelves for tesco for no money in the dead of night? Maybe she'll have a lightbulb moment about her life.

My Ds's are 14 and 15
15yr old is lovely, chatty and helpful
14yr old is harder work a little shower shy and moans if we go anywhere where there no wifi

I want to keep my teen. He's a really good kid most of the time. :)

However I'll swap dd. She's going to be Awful. I can see it coming and she's only 8. An angel at the moment but I think she is going to be payback! :(

Maryz I can't imagine what you've been through. You sound so strong. I am full of admiration.

Are you and ds1 any closer now? I mean are you able to talk without treading on eggshells all the time?