dd(12) insists that NO child likes doing homework or does it voluntarily

[shagmundfreud]

.... apparently, which makes us incredibly unreasonable for insisting that she does an hour a night (she's in year 8).

I'm tearing my hair out about it. She's had detentions, she's been grounded, we've had terrible arguments. She will not do it, except in extremis when she's being threatened by her teachers with dire warnings, in which case she does the bare, bare minimum. The quality of her work when she does do it is very poor.

DH and I are at the end of our tether with it. She also often fails to stay on task in class, talks a lot, doesn't complete work, is rude to her teachers (challenges them in class if they take issue with her behaviour).

She thinks this is 'normal' behaviour for a child of her age. We think not.

I'm sure there are children out there who make an effort and don't need constant nagging and threats to do homework.

I just tell him to do it but never check what he's done
quite right for a secondary-aged kid. For one thing, at some point in some subjects they may start getting beyond your knowledge or you may be outdated - they've got to be self-reliant when it comes to homework. Which is the main reason I'm actually in favour of it (so long as not stupid amounts). It's character building

I can't resist, sorry:

(From Piprabbit's link):

Praise and encourage check, no problem.
Keep a designated ?homework area? Basically ok, too.
Help keep a routine for your child when it comes to homework. Check.
Let your child decide when they want to do their homework That would be never, then.
Ask your child to give you a bit of background on the homework Can't, hasn't a clue most of the time (so he says).
refrain from completing your child?s homework for them. Contradicts actual instructions from school, which state to provide whatever help child needs.
Always keep calm and collected. No problem, I tend to fall asleep!
Allow yourself enough time to help your child with their homework. I presume 1-2 hours set aside is enough?
Use the library. Sorry, but no! 1-2 hours set aside at home is enough already!
Many schools offer after-school homework clubs. Not on offer.
Encourage your child by offering a small reward Extremely bad idea, puts the pressure on & then child freaks out & gets ultra-upset that they missed out.
...Year 7 Help your child adapt by helping them plan their homework for the first few weeks using a homework diary He keeps losing it.
Don't get stressed out by homework I am so far beyond that (resigned to it, like clipping toenails or cleaning the bog).

Losing one's homework diary gets you a penalty point at DDs school - 3 points detention (after the first half-term of year 7, they have a running-in period when only merits actually count). Seems to work - not even my DD has lost hers.

dd who is 12 and Yr7 does hers voluntarily as soon as she's got changed and had a snack. Normally spends around 1 1/2 hours on it. She likes some more than others but often has extra work to do in her favourite subjects - which she loves doing and will extend herself in others She has found thought that if she stays on top of it, it does give her weekends free of homework, which is quite nice.

dd is pretty focused on her career - she wants to go into academics funny child

It's not so extreme as to be abnormal, but it's certainly not the norm, no. And the disrespect to teachers is unacceptable, and shouldn't be tolerated by you or them.

dd is 13 and in yr8. An hours homework sounds reasonable at this age although often projects can take hours and hours.

We have had a rule that homework has to be done before anything else. As she has had homework from primary I do find that she is able to organise herself well. She does have a homework diary that we sign each week, the form tutor signs and then a selection go to the head of year each week to monitor the level of homework.

ds (severe ASD) finds the concept of schoolwork at home odd but we have got to the stage that he understands it has to be done and isnt negotiable - and that has been hard work!

I would be hardline - there would be no soaps, phone credit, lifts, shopping trips etc. It is a hard lesson in life but we all have to do things we don't like. This isn't to do with being a teen this is the reality of life for us all. I think its a tough one and it will not be easy but it is important.

Maybe suggesting you have a meeting with dd and school to talk about her homework issues might embarrass her - parents in school type thing?

child is right. no one likes doing homework or school for that matter. Children are forced to do it until they are beaten down enough that they are conditioned to do it without question.

alot of children fight it any way they can and some are more persistent than others.

But at the end of the day children are dragged to school to sit there for 6 hours a day and then expected to do more when they get home. The older they get the more they get.

is it not understandable to you that your child is fighting this because the education system is literally burning away most of the childs childhood because we as a society think they need education.

DS,(11), DD (13) and me, all do our 'homework' together at the dining room table. Sometimes for me it's work for school ('m a TA), sometimes it's catching up on emails or letters, or just home admin. I find that they don't mind sitting down to do it if we're all working. It's also handy if they need help with something, they haven't far to go to find me. I find that some sessions go on for much longer than an hour, just because DS gets his teeth into something. I don't think he would to the same extent if he was on his own.

We do light the fire in there, have drinks and generally make it a nice family time too.

Sorry OP but many DC do do their homework without any fuss.
They know it has to be done and they want good marks so...
They also fit it in around a host of hobbies and activities.

So on the one hand your DD is talking rubbish but that doesn't help you.

How to break this current impasse? People, including DC, tend to focus better when they're working towards a goal. It keeps them going through the rough and boring bits.

What are your DD's goals? Long term and short term? Does she haave a carrer in mind? Does she wantt o go to university? Does she want a great report so she can get her parents off her back ?

is it not understandable to you that your child is fighting this because the education system is literally burning away most of the childs childhood because we as a society think they need education.

Well yes. We don't have an uneducated peasant class nowadays so everyone needs an education. (and when there was, by the age of 13 a 'child' would be working).

minimischief- what are your hopes for your children's future? Do you think they're on course to achieve them?

OP I think to start with you may have to accept the bare minimum needed for your DD to keep out of trouble.

As others have said when she knows what she wants to do she may put in more effort in the subjects that are important to her. Whatever she wants to do maths, English and a bit of science are non negotiable.

Standing over her checking up and timing how much she does is not going to lead to peace.

A very wise retired headmistress once admitted to me that part of the reason for uniform was as something harmless for teens to rebel against.

As far as I can tell that is the only reason for RE, PHSE, and music/French/history/ geography homework (delete as applicable dependent on GCSE preferences and grumpiness of the teacher)

With the exception of MFL very little of the humanities work carries over directly. If your DD knows how to research a history project it matters much less how much she writes.

As far as I can tell that is the only reason for RE,...

I might have agreed with that particular case till this year, when instead of just stories/rituals from various religions, DDs class seems to be being encouraged to think about what they believe and why, about ethics - DD has put quite a lot of thought into some of these essays at home, and (while usually I try to butt out) has wanted to discuss various points with us. It may not be directly related to GCSE work in the future - so what? If that was the only aim of education at this age it would be pitiful.