Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

these are my jobs-those are his

43 replies

ilovethewinchesterbrothers · 26/02/2012 21:00

my dh doesn't cook, do any cleaning (he'll vacuum now and then but not how i'd do it), doesn't fold clean washing, doesn't know how washing machine/tumble dryer/cooker/oven or iron work so doesn't do any of those things, doesn't hang out washing infact doesn't do household chores HOWEVER he does drive (i can't so he takes me wherever i want to go) always pushes shopping trolley, carrys heavy stuff, sorts out bins/recycling/heavy gardening. sorts out the car, fixes anything and everything in the home/garden (except painting and decoration which i love) my parents are more or less the same BUT some of our friends think this is very odd. atbu to think that?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 26/02/2012 21:02

Are you happy with your life? if so, then what does it have to do with anyone else.. it is your business, not theirs!

CoffeeBucks · 26/02/2012 21:02

If it works for you, and you don't think you do too much/he doesn't do enough, then YANBU. What other people think doesn't matter.

OTOH I am always a bit baffled when an adult man cannot use a washing machine, dryer, oven or iron.

LittlePandaBear · 26/02/2012 21:02

Well, it's very tradtional male/female roles but it shouldn't matter what your friends think if it works for you! Tell them to mind their own business!

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 26/02/2012 21:02

Do you both work or are you a SAHM? Does the situation bother you? If not then ignore others.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 26/02/2012 21:03

If it works for you, why shouldn't you separate the jobs out? I HATE ironing and if I ever have a DP/DH I would hope he didn't mind doing this, whereas I love to cook so would be happy to do that every day.

NimpyWindowmash · 26/02/2012 21:04

It's old fashioned, but if it works for you both, then it's ok. My DH is somewhat the same, but not as extreme. He will iron himself a shirt, and he can manage to put the washing on if necessary or shove something in the oven.

eggtimer · 26/02/2012 21:05

Erm...
My DH cooks (about 1/3 of the time), cleans up after dinner every night, loads the dishwasher and cleans the kitchen and tidies the toys away while I put DCs to bed.
He also does, dries and folds the washing (much more neatly than I do!).
I mostly do the hoovering but he always does the stairs because I CBA with them.
He also drives (but so do I) is in charge of the dogs (walking and feeding), maintenance of the cars, all the gardening (we have a lot of land) recycling and rubbish. Heavy carrying (though mostly we do that together).
He is also F/t SAHD to our 2 year old twin boys.

He's a bit of a superstar, actually.

I think your friends anbu

Original poster

ilovethewinchesterbrothers · 26/02/2012 21:07

he works full time i work part time. we're happy with how it all works, our kids are happy with it all so i think your all right-our friends should keep out of it.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 26/02/2012 21:08

It seems the stuff you are doing is required daily to keep the house running and the majority of his jobs are required only now and then. Our house couldn't function like that because we both work full time and there would be an imbalance.

TrinityRhino · 26/02/2012 21:10

I honestly think it doesn't matter AS LONG as BOTH people in the relationship are happy with their arrangement

I can mow the lawn, change car tyres etc, I choose not to and dp does it

however I do do some things that dp could do more easily but I want to

also dp can sort of use the washer, dishwasher and tries to help but I do it more (not enough though lol) he also cleans the kitchen, bathroom, hoovers etc but not as much as me

he does cook though, he likes cooking (he takes forever though like he brewing a potion or something)

its all about whether you are BOTH happy with things

GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 21:10

Similar to us, but DH does some more insidey things & baby wrangles in the evening. I love it, we play to our strengths & I no longer have to eat his horrible cooking (although due with dc2 soon & will have to then, thank god for breastfeeding greed!).

holidaywoe · 26/02/2012 21:14

I think that whatever works for you is the right way.
My DH doesnt do washing, ironing, polishing, floor mopping or bathroom cleaning but he will do the weekly shop and does most of the cooking he works full time while i am part time.
Some of my friends are that I do all his washing and ironing but I dont have a problem and as I'm the one doing it thats all that matters.

cory · 26/02/2012 21:48

a) are you both happy with this?

b) could he cope if something happened to you/you cope if something happened to him?

a friend of mine died after a long illness and the stress of her final years was massively augmented by her worries that he would struggle to cope with looking after their children and the household after she was gone

even in a less serious illness it is nice to be able to reflect that the children will still be fed and have clean clothing

c) are any children of yours given enough opportunity to pick up the skills of the opposite sex parent- just in case they do not immediately settle down with a trained and obliging partner of their own?

UtherTheTerrible · 26/02/2012 21:51

The decision is entirely yours as a couple. However I do think it's a good idea for a couple to at least know the basics of how everything works (I'm talking oven, cooking, basic repairwork, tools). Just in case. If one of you got ill it would make things much easier for the other person if they knew how to work things- my dad had to take over for a year or two when I was young and my mum got very sick, and it was a stressful time for him as he had to learn how to do everything domestic.

I know it sounds miserable but you never know if one of you might get ill and it can throw everything up in the air if someone is landed with a load of responsibilities and don't know how things work.

mablemurple · 26/02/2012 21:53

Have you thought what would happen if you were ill or incapacitated in some way? How would the household run if your husband is unable to look after himself, you or your children? Everyone needs to learn basic skills such as how to cook and clean, which are far more important than "always pushing the shopping trolley" (unless you have mobility difficulties, I am why you think that is such a big deal). What example are you setting your children?

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/02/2012 22:22

To continue the 'my jobs/his jobs' way of looking at things; don't you think you both need a bit of cross-training? He "doesn't know how washing machine/tumble dryer/cooker/oven or iron work" and you can't drive.

In a place of work, everyone does their part and may well not overlap, but when a team member is on holiday or off sick, their work still needs to be done and the rest of the team have to absorb it until their return. As it is, if he breaks a leg you're stuffed for transport, and if you are away he eats sandwiches and starts to smell.

clam · 26/02/2012 22:24

Do you both have an equal amount of "downtime?"
If so, and you're both happy with the arrangement, then fine.

mumofthreekids · 26/02/2012 22:29

We're the same OP - I shop, cook, wash up, do the laundry, cleaning etc. DH does the garden jobs and DIY around the house (incl painting and decorating), maintains the car etc. It is a very traditional split (except that I take out the rubbish / recycling and he irons occasionally while I never do), but it works for us and plays to our strengths.

Mind you, I'd never have believed you if you'd told me 20 years ago I'd end up like this!

HoneyandHaycorns · 26/02/2012 22:41

To a certain extent, it's fine if it suits you both, but how would you each cope if something happened to the other one? I have an elderly aunt who had terrible problems when her DH died, because she was unable to drive and lived in a very rural area. Similarly, I remember my grandfather's rather tragic attempts to cook for himself when my grandmother died.

Both partners need to be able to look after themselves if the need arises. Beyond that, it's up to each family to work out what works best for themselves.

NarkedPuffin · 26/02/2012 22:45

Seriously? I'd be embarrassed if I couldn't wash my own clothes or heat something up in the oven. I'd be embarrassed to be chauffeured around like a child.

And what Cory said.

tinkertitonk · 26/02/2012 22:45

You have to have these sex-defined delineations. DH's job is cunnilingus, mine is fellatio.

marriedinwhite · 27/02/2012 00:14

If it works and you are happy with it then it's fine. My DH does very little but is very tidy, he does clear away after dinner at weekends, he does the garden, he does the outside wiping down, he does the bins, he deals with ds's weekend sport.

I deal with the dc's activities (17 and 13) and most of the school stuff, I do the shopping, the cooking, half the laundry and most of the driving outside of London because dh hates it. I also do the sorting out of builders, decorators, plumbers etc.

I work about 40 hpw locally, DH works about 60 hpw in Central London.

What we do and how we divi it up works for us.

Fiendishlie · 27/02/2012 00:21

Meh. But since when did 'pushing the trolley' in the supermarket become a 'job'?

troisgarcons · 27/02/2012 06:18

But since when did 'pushing the trolley' in the supermarket become a 'job'?

Round about the same time as it became a family outting - screaming toddlers under your feet and bewildered men standing around looking a bit dim getting in the way clutching thier trolly as though it were the wheel ofa ferrari

A call to all women out ther - leave the other buggers at home and shop alone

Whatmeworry · 27/02/2012 07:15

You have to have these sex-defined delineations. DH's job is cunnilingus, mine is fellatio.

I am shocked, shocked, at the gender differentiation in your post.

OP, the key is if you are happy with it, IMO that is all about roughly equal effort and leisure, how you divide it is up to you.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread