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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

these are my jobs-those are his

43 replies

ilovethewinchesterbrothers · 26/02/2012 21:00

my dh doesn't cook, do any cleaning (he'll vacuum now and then but not how i'd do it), doesn't fold clean washing, doesn't know how washing machine/tumble dryer/cooker/oven or iron work so doesn't do any of those things, doesn't hang out washing infact doesn't do household chores HOWEVER he does drive (i can't so he takes me wherever i want to go) always pushes shopping trolley, carrys heavy stuff, sorts out bins/recycling/heavy gardening. sorts out the car, fixes anything and everything in the home/garden (except painting and decoration which i love) my parents are more or less the same BUT some of our friends think this is very odd. atbu to think that?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 27/02/2012 07:16

So, basically, you are each doing the jobs you are good at or enjoy?

SoupDragon · 27/02/2012 07:17

I am quietly sniggering at "always pushes the supermarket trolley" [arf]

Squirrelz · 27/02/2012 11:12

Like a few have already said, the main thing is that you're both happy with the distribution of work. It wouldn't harm for each of you to do the full range of jobs occasionally, in case one of you is away/ill in the future.

I think my DP would quite willingly do all the jobs as long as I shift any errant spiders for her, but I still do my fair share :o

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 27/02/2012 11:26

Me and dp each have the traditional male/female jobs, I like it that way.

I am capable of sorting out the bins if it needs doing when he's not around and he's capable of turning on the washing machine when I'm not around.

As longs as everyone's happy, there's not a problem. I think it helps to have clearly defined jobs when you share a home with someone, wether that be a partner, your parents or a flatmate. If everyone knows whats expected of them and then gets on and does it, it makes for a much happier household.

oldaninpurple · 27/02/2012 11:55

I watch these threads with interest everytime they appear and so far have been slightly embarassed to post. My DH does bathtime and stories ( but has never ever done a night wake-up in 4 years). He also does breakfast (but not teeth or dressing) on a weekday and washes\sterilizes bottles before he comes to bed,but that's about it... I do all house, garden and children related activities. DIY he pays for a handyman to come in but I'll paint\wallpaper. He works full time and I am currently a SAHM (minimal amount freelance in evenings, nothing much) due to being made redundant during pregnancy but as soon as I find a job will be back at work 2\3 days a week. We have 4 DC's, the youngest is 9 months. I drive.. I can control a shopping trolley reasonably well and garage mechanics hold no fear for me! It works and everyone is happy here. My DH adores me and I him.. My friends dislike it too. Meh!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 27/02/2012 12:17

no one elses business if it works for you, however, he ought to know how to do stuff just in case you are ever ill or away.

Original poster

ilovethewinchesterbrothers · 27/02/2012 15:11

dh has no idea how any of the appliances work or how to cook (when i was ill back last year lots of takeaways were had or i cooked really simple things-he did have ago at lunchboxes to be fair but they were rubbish) i real;ly don't mind though-thats my jobs. no way would i ever learn to drive-looks far to complicated-thankfully i only live a mile from work so its only a short walk. should have pointed out that trolley pushing is def not a job i'm gonna be doing cos a) they're hard to push when full and b) my job is to know what we need and get it-godness knows what rubbish we'd end up with if i let him do it :). i'm not sure if our kids take any notice of how we do things-this is just how it is in our household. thankfully it works ok.

OP posts:

Diamondback · 27/02/2012 16:06

If it works for both of you, everyone else can stuff it.

NarkedPuffin · 27/02/2012 16:33

dh has no idea how any of the appliances work or how to cook
he did have ago at lunchboxes to be fair but they were rubbish
no way would i ever learn to drive-looks far to complicated
trolley pushing is def not a job i'm gonna be doing cos they're hard to push when full
godness knows what rubbish we'd end up with if i let him do it

How you choose to divide tasks is up to you. Adults being incapable of simple tasks is pathetic.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2012 17:19

"trolley pushing is def not a job i'm gonna be doing cos they're hard to push when full"

Oh dear god

Original poster

ilovethewinchesterbrothers · 27/02/2012 18:26

i'd hardly call driving a simple task-i did have lessons years ago when i was 18 but couldn't get the hang of it, lots of people don't drive.
dh doesn't need to do housework/cooking he has me to do that, just like i have him to do things for me.

OP posts:

diddl · 27/02/2012 18:32

I don´t drive & my husband pushes the shopping trolley-wonder if there´s a connection?

That said, I´m rarely with him, so when I do tag along, he just gets on with it.

diddl · 27/02/2012 18:34

This "sorting out the bins"-seems to be mainly done by the men-why is that?

NarkedPuffin · 27/02/2012 19:38

dh doesn't need to do housework/cooking he has me to do that

Just because he doesn't need to cook regularly doesn't mean that he shouldn't know how to cook. And there was a need recently, as you mentioned you were ill last year and ended up relying on takeaways or having to cook whilst unwell. And apparently he can't make adequate packed lunches . Most 10 year olds are perfectly capable of making a packed lunch.

As for driving, if you use a car as transport it makes sense to be able to drive it. Obviously driving is not something everyone finds easy and many couples have one person who usually drives when they're travelling together, but choosing not to learn means you're both screwed if your DH can't drive for some reason.

Surely part of being a partnership is being there to pick up the slack if your partner needs help.

Original poster

ilovethewinchesterbrothers · 27/02/2012 23:05

as i've said before he doesn't need to do cooking/lunches-thats my job, my nan did it as it was her job and my mum's the same-he has other jobs to do.
with regards to driving its nice to have a lift if i want to go somewhere but if hes at work i walk-i walk about 10 miles a day for fitness before work so its no big deal for me. my parents and grandparents only live a few miles from us so walking there is no problem and thankfully we very rarely travel far from home as none of us can bear large towns/citys or crowds of people. guess its a case that i think the friends that think we're odd are odd themselves and thankfully don't live near us so we don't really have to see them in rl.
each to their own is the best answer i think, thank you all for your replys by the way.

OP posts:

Fiendishlie · 28/02/2012 13:30

as i've said before he doesn't need to do cooking/lunches-thats my job, my nan did it as it was her job and my mum's the same-he has other jobs to do

Well, that's that then. You do what you like and let the rest of us carry on thinking the world has moved on a bit since your nan was a young woman.

Pointless

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 28/02/2012 13:35

OP, this is AIBU and you asked for other people's opinions. Did you really expect everyone to agree with you? Because you seem to be getting rather snippy because they don't.
Oh, and TANBU.
It's ridiculous for an adult to be unable, or to pretend to be unable, to press two buttons on a washing machine or put together a simple meal.

everlong · 28/02/2012 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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