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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take my young children to a school church service that starts at 7.30pm?

55 replies

ANTagony · 26/02/2012 20:59

Note came home on Friday from the head ALL children will be taking part 7.30pm next fri. Sorry for short notice. The all was capitals underlined!

It's not a religious school. It's the first time both my school age children have had letters home. It's the first time we've had a letter home like this.

DS1 has ASD and really doesn't cope well with noise (he has 1 to 1 supervision at school). DS2 is just 6 and is fast asleep by 7pm. DD is 1 and is down by 6.30pm.

I don't want to go. The children really really don't want to go. DH says he isn't going.

AIBU to just ignore this or should I write and explain?

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 26/02/2012 21:00

I'd write and explain, just as a matter of courtesy.

Marshy · 26/02/2012 21:01

Don't go if you don't want to ( and i can see why you may not want to) but don't really think you need to complain about it

GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 21:02

Um, YANBU

Regardless of kid's age why on earth do you think they can declare attendance at a religious service on an evening, especially wineday Friday as mandatory.

Fuck off school.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 26/02/2012 21:02

I'd write and explain why they won't be there - perhaps skip the bit about none of you wanting to go and focus on the bits about how your DS1 would find it a very difficult situation and how the time really isn't appropriate for your other 2 dc.

FWIW, our 2 ds's are 6.6 and 3.8 and they're always asleep by 7pm, especially on a Friday so we wouldn't be going either!

troisgarcons · 26/02/2012 21:03

so, don;t go.

GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 21:03

I wouldn't write & you will NOT be the only non attender.

Marshy · 26/02/2012 21:03

Oh.... you said explain not complain . Wondered why you were getting so het up!

Original poster

ANTagony · 26/02/2012 21:06

Thank you. I've got a bit of a bug and I' m tired. I wasn't sure if I am being irrational.

OP posts:

ElphabaisWicked · 26/02/2012 21:08

Yanbu. That wouldn't be possible for us with such short notice anyway as dh and I work Friday evenings.

That is far too late for primary children. Dd coped when she was in panto but we had various things in place to help her and help with childcare for her younger brother.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 26/02/2012 21:09

I would go in or call the head/the teachers and say, very politely, sorry can't make it. Then I'd, very nicely ask something like 'what is it all the children were meant to be doing/needed for and isn't it a shame to do that thing on a friday night when it's not within school hours and people are normally busy with family things.
I wouldn't offer an explanation though of why I couldn't go - friday night is nothing to do with school so they can't start dictating what your children do outside of school hours like that.

StarlightDicKenzie · 26/02/2012 21:14

I think YANU for point blank refusing tbh. It's hardly the logistical nightmare of the century and if it were important to you you'd do it, but it was U of the school to send a dictating letter home.

LydiaWickham · 26/02/2012 21:15

Do you have an e-mail address for the head/school scretary? short message:

Dear Head/office,

We recieved the letter on 24th February regarding the event being held at 7:30pm on 2nd March, unfortunately we are unable to attend.

Kind regards,
ANTagony (Mother of X & Y)

If they want your DCs there, they should give you more notice and do it in school time.

troisgarcons · 26/02/2012 21:17

So what are the muslims, the sikhs, the hindis, the agnostics et al supposed to do? compromise their beliefs?

The more I think about it, no HT would send a letter home like that.

Original poster

ANTagony · 26/02/2012 21:18

Star I think you may have hit the nail on the head. I'm a stubborn child who digs her heels in when told to do things. In my deffence I go out of my way to do what I can when asked.

If we hadn't been told I would probably have taken DS2 leaving the others at home.

OP posts:

Original poster

ANTagony · 26/02/2012 21:22

It is an incredibly out of character letter for the head. She's usually very good. I think I'll send a polite unfortunately we have other commitments email in the morning.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 26/02/2012 21:24

I wouldn't go and you don't need to write in.

SardineQueen · 26/02/2012 21:30

Primary school? DD is in recep and goes to bed at 7. That's not unusual I'm sure. It is very late for little ones if that is when it starts.

Also as trois says if it's not a church school wtf is going on?

I would be asking some other parents tomorrow if they know what is up with all of this, seems really odd.

SardineQueen · 26/02/2012 21:30

I mean, loads of people will have to rock up with toddlers and stuff.
It's ridiculous.

Shriekable · 26/02/2012 21:37

Have never heard of this happening before! I would have thought that most young children would either be in bed or heading to bed by 7:30pm. I'm an atheist, but even if i wasn't, i wouldn't take too kindly to being told that this is how I'll be spending my Friday evening! Reckon the head will be praising the Lord on her own . . .

AKMD · 26/02/2012 21:39

YANBU, what a weird letter. I would politely decline.

MrsBigD · 26/02/2012 21:44

I'd just ignore it :) My kids (7 & 10) go to bed at 19:00 and if there are any school events they are 'compulsed' to attend but would mean kids would end up in bed late and therefore being unbearable the next day I just don't take them. :)

We had similar last year for dd (10) when they sent a letter home saying that the Year 4 end of year get-together will be at Taronga Zoo. Fair enough I thought until I read further... leaving school at 10:30, spending the day there and THEN attend a twilight tour of the zoo with being back at school for 21:30! I had a rather stern talk with the headmaster, saying that it would have been nice to be asked whether parents agree to this before booking it! I'm usually very strict about bed time but because I didn't want to be the ogre and it was last term of school I let her go. Next day she was a zombie but I dumped her at school for the teacher's to deal with Lil' Ms Mood Swings ;). Maybe next time they'll check first LOL

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 26/02/2012 22:04

We have a school carol service every year at 7.00pm. Every year only half of the reception class turn up, usually the PFBs, mainly because they don't have older siblings attending rather than excessive PFBness. The C of E school have finally got over it and just get reception to sing with Y1. It's one night a year, and after reception not really a problem to anyone.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 26/02/2012 22:06

Oops, it's the PFBs who don't turn up.

pointythings · 26/02/2012 22:13

If I received a letter like that I would probably write something along the lines of 'ALL children certainly will not be going, because mine will be in bed as per their usual routine'.

But then I'm a shirty cow .

DrCoconut · 26/02/2012 22:14

I must be the only one to think that 7:30pm is not that late if it's only a short event. Especially if it's a Friday - just keep the kids up later and let them sleep in the next day. For me the bigger issues would be lack of notice, the demanding tone of the letter and the SN you mentioned which would make attendance difficult.

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