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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take my young children to a school church service that starts at 7.30pm?

55 replies

ANTagony · 26/02/2012 20:59

Note came home on Friday from the head ALL children will be taking part 7.30pm next fri. Sorry for short notice. The all was capitals underlined!

It's not a religious school. It's the first time both my school age children have had letters home. It's the first time we've had a letter home like this.

DS1 has ASD and really doesn't cope well with noise (he has 1 to 1 supervision at school). DS2 is just 6 and is fast asleep by 7pm. DD is 1 and is down by 6.30pm.

I don't want to go. The children really really don't want to go. DH says he isn't going.

AIBU to just ignore this or should I write and explain?

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 26/02/2012 22:20

It is cunning to have arranged it on a Friday so that parents will be dealing with the overtired children rather than the school.

blackeyedsusan · 26/02/2012 22:34

I would be tempted to go... but then ds is a screamer Grin (passive agressive? me?)

SardineQueen · 27/02/2012 09:26

Everyone has a different idea of what matters, drcoconut, and for our family teh one thing we really do is bedtime.

I have a 4 yo and a 2yo and they both go to bed at 7 and I wouldn't see why I should have to change that for the school, and the 2yo would be an absolute bloody nightmare. It also doesn't say how long it is - may not be a short things at all our church services with the school are at least an hour.

SardineQueen · 27/02/2012 09:28

Oh I guess you could just leave them there but still that's tronking in and out with a knackererd toddler in tow.

I don't think they should be making a demand like that on such short notice. People have all sorts of different arrangements in their lives and it's just not enough notice. And I'm not sure it's entirely reasonable for the little ones anyway.

aldiwhore · 27/02/2012 09:31

Just don't go. If you're otherwise a willing participant then it probably won't be mentioned every again. You don't have to give a reason. Its out of school hours.

Just don't go!

If its mentioned after the event, simply state in underlined emboldened capitols that you couldn't. Then smile.

We pick and choose which out of school events we attend, that is our right. Our children do not miss out.

seeker · 27/02/2012 09:32

I'm fascinated. What sort of service is it?

porcamiseria · 27/02/2012 09:34

politely explain you cant attend. job done

lesstalkmoreaction · 27/02/2012 09:39

Find out what it is, if it sounds like fun then you can then decide to just take ds2 as a special treat or if you think ds 1 could cope take him or both and leave your dh babysitting dd1. I really don't think its that big a deal but it does depend what it is. Do let us know.

randommoment · 27/02/2012 09:44

very intrigued as to what on earth they could want all the children for - it isn't Christmas and Easter isn't for weeks yet. Please let us know after school run if you've got some fresh info.

littleducks · 27/02/2012 09:50

My kids would be in bed by then and I wouldnt be keen. If I keep mine up late they always wake up early the next day and are horrid (unless i take them for a long drive so they fall asleep Hmm). We also have activities Saturday mrning that they look forward too.

seeker · 27/02/2012 09:50

Could the Head have got some inside news about the End of the World?

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 27/02/2012 10:26

DrCoconut Your plan is perfect - could you just explain to me how to get my ds's to have a lie in after a late night?

OP - any more info yet?

YouOldSlag · 27/02/2012 10:41

I'm all for extra curricular activities and churchy stuff and late nights for special occasions.

However- the school has no right to dictate or demand your presence out of hours and off school premises. It should be phrased like an polite invitation, not a summons.

A polite note to say it interferes with family bedtimes should get the message across that it's a crap time to do school stuff.

MrsBeakman · 27/02/2012 10:50

Very odd. Could you find out more about what it is for?

EdithWeston · 27/02/2012 10:51

I'm wondering what the event is too.

For out of hours events (whatever the day/time) there should be much longer notice. And I agree this is too late a start for younger children.

grobagsforever · 27/02/2012 10:51

I would write a strongly worded note stating that the school is way out of line to demand your presence worshipping a made up idol on a Friday night. Copy it to council, LEA whoever - this has made my blood boil.

grobagsforever · 27/02/2012 10:52

Uurrgh religion has no place in schools......WTF...

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 10:56

Just don't go.

Remember though "All children will be taking part" is not the same as "All children must take part"

It's badly worded and should probably have read "All children are welcome to take part"

MrsBeakman · 27/02/2012 10:58

good point Worra. Maybe she was trying to say that all children would be involved in the service, ie performing a song if they attended, not that all must attend.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/02/2012 10:59

Our school does a church carol service where the children have a huge role, its lovely and very festive. Its a one off and not everybody can make it in the day and the working parents like to be able to attend some things.

Butkin · 27/02/2012 11:12

This sounds bonkers. Have you asked the other mothers if they do this every year?

Our school does require them to attend the evening carol concert (they are singing of course) at our local cathedral but this is only for years 4+ and we all know about it for months in advance.

Dropping this on you at a week's notice does not make sense.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 27/02/2012 11:16

I would take great exception at being dictated to like that, but then it's a real bugbear of mine when schools think they are in charge of the parents as well as the pupils.

I would do as other suggested and send a note saying your child will not be attending. Don't apologise or give any reasons, why the flip should you have to explain.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 27/02/2012 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 27/02/2012 11:29

This all reminds me of a situation when DD1 was at infant school, years ago. The school had a new classroom built and one afternoon they had an opening ceremony which the mayor attended. When we all turned up for pick up at 3.15 we were told that the children wouldn't be released from the school until 3.45 as the ceremony was running late and we would have to wait. The head then said that anyone demanding to take their child would be banned from the school premises. I think everyone was too scared to kick up a fuss but some people missed dental appointments etc because of it.

Greige · 27/02/2012 11:51

The school has no right to demand your child's presence at an out of hours religious ceremony.

If you feel you really have no choice, then go but spend the day preparing. Keep the baby up all day so she is overtired and screamy and fill the six year old with pepsi max and jelly tots before hand (I know...but its a one off!). Tell everyone you meet how theyreally don't cope well with having their routine messed up

You'll have to deal with the fallout but I bet the head won't be demanding your attendance at church again.