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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not To get rid of the cats?

63 replies

NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 20:01

When I met DH I already had 2 cats, which he thought were cute. 2 DC later and he absolutely hates them. I don't blame him, he is asthmatic and they are troublesome ( today they have thrown up on the kitchen work top and pissed on DD1's pillow).

He has started making noises about rehoming - But I can't see anybody else wanting them as they are old and manky now. Plus they are my cats - and we are hopefully moving from our cramped flat to a house with a garden in the next few weeks. AIBU?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 26/02/2012 20:01

Pets came first.

YANBU.

hiddenhome · 26/02/2012 20:04

Don't get rid of them, especially if they're getting old. They wouldn't adjust to a new home and would be incredibly distressed Sad

Have you had them checked out at the vets recently? Peeing on the pillow could be a sign of a uti.

Feliway Diffusers can help with moving house and general stress in cats.

Hope you manage to find a way through this problem. I love my two cats and would hate to have to get rid of them. They're part of the family.

AprilSkies · 26/02/2012 20:06

There's no way I would rehire them, they are family.

QuietTiger · 26/02/2012 20:06

Bluntly as someone who works in rescue?

If they are elderly and "manky", as you put it, the likelyhood is they will languish in a no-kill shelter for months and months if you can get a space and if a "kill" RSPCA shelter take them, they will be dead within a week. That's the reality.

Quite apart from the fact they will be distressed, disorientated and don't deserve to be slung out of their home in their twilight years.

If you're moving from a flat to a house with a garden in the next few weeks, things will definitely improve.

Your DH is being unreasonable. You are not.

AprilSkies · 26/02/2012 20:07

You might need to take some preventative measures though to help with asthma, like not allowing them in certain places and getting a dyson!

qwertysue · 26/02/2012 20:18

YANBU! surely before you and DH started living together he had astma? He was aware that you had these cats prior to the life changes that you have both gone through. sorry , no sympathy for "DH". i do agree with April skies though and quiet tiger. Its only a few weeks away before you move from what you say is a cramped flat, he is probably just getting the cramped feeling too, it will all be different after the move. Overcrowded takes its toll on emotions, even in the most sane of people. count down your days and enjoy your new home With All of your family, cats included.
best of luck

rhibutterfly · 26/02/2012 20:24

agree with all of the above i'm sure things will improve after the move and maybe not allow cats in bedrooms to stop peeing, as for DH's asthma, he's always had it, you've always had the cats so why is it a problem now. give the moggies the loyalty they deserve xx

PeahenTailFeathers · 26/02/2012 20:25

Blinking heck, you're absolutely not unreasonable!
I would dump any man who thought he came before my cat (which may not be totally reasonable, but I feel I have my priorities in order). I have to (TMI) wipe my cat's bum sometimes because he's a Manx and they have little problems like that so even if he did have the odd episode of weeing somewhere inappropriate, I wouldn't be overly fazed; I'd just try to find out what his problem was and fix it.

catgirl1976 · 26/02/2012 20:25

I think you can guess from my user name what I will say.......

No you should not get rid of your poor cats. Your DH is being U. You have a commitment to them and if they are elderly they will not get re-homed. Nor should they be. :(

Original poster
NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 20:26

Sad At the thought of them being dead within a week.

To be fair, DH hadn't had asthma for years before he moved in with me and never needs to use his inhalers when we are on holiday (and are therefore away from the cats).

I am going to buy some felliway.

OP posts:
GoingForGoalWeight · 26/02/2012 20:26

YANBU! Good luck :)

MariaCallous · 26/02/2012 20:31

You were in a committed relationship with the cats first. I would not rehome.

Blu · 26/02/2012 20:32

Good grief.
Asthma is a serious illness.
I think (though may be wrong) that continued asthmatic irritation increases your chance of getting fibrosis of the lungs - not treatable and very nasty. vomit on the worktop and urine on a pillow? With children in the house?

Of course, if your cats are more important to you than your DH's health and comfort, and the hygiene in your children's home then YANBU.

Otherwise - and this may be the best solution for you and other cat fanatics out there - have you consdered re-homing you DH? He may be happier and more comfortable in a cat-free home, and will probably adapt well as long as he is placed somewhere that cares about him.

Good luck!

Original poster
NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 20:36

[Sad] Blush

OP posts:
mamalovebird · 26/02/2012 20:37

I have exactly the same situation.
I had 3 cats prior to meeting DH. I was totally up front about them and said that the cats come with me no matter what. He said he was fine with them. One DS later and he's hates them (I only have two now, one was hit by a car Sad), saying that he only thought they lived for about 5 years or so, he was surprised when I told him they could live up to 20 years.

I've told him that it's tough shit and the cats are the cats and they stay. I'd never rehome them as they came from the CPL. Plus it's irresponsible to just sling them out because DH is irritated with them.

DH had slight allergy issues with them but that was solved by not allowing them upstairs into the bedrooms and they stay in the kitchen at night so they can get out but can't get round the house.

If you've moving to somewhere with a garden I'd imagine you'll barely see them anyway.

dandelionss · 26/02/2012 20:39

YABU, Is your husband and his health not more important to you than the bloody cats?

IvanaHumpalot · 26/02/2012 20:40

Keep them out of the bedroom. Get a Dyson (pet hair) and vacuum daily - sorry. Open windows daily. When you get the garden they might (my moggy goes out for a nano-second) spend a good part of the day out and about. I would also brush them daily. At their age the chances of them being rehomed are slim.

Original poster
NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 20:41

Sad Blush Sad

OP posts:
Mibby · 26/02/2012 20:41

Keep them out of the bedroom or put a cover over the whole bed when you get up to keep the fur off the bedding. But no, yanbu, the cats were there first

RandomMess · 26/02/2012 20:44

I'm allergic to cats but rarely have an asthmatic wheeze relating to them. I do empathise with your dh though.

When we got are 2 most recent cats I was so allergic to them for the first 3 weeks I did think they were going to have to go, it was horrid!

What has made the biggest difference for me is a miele vaccum cleaner, no carpets (esp in the bedroom and lounge), leather sofa, minimal soft furnishings. Things will be better when you move and they are out of the house more and you really need to damp dust and hoover everyday - asthma is horrid.

Does he take antihistamines at all - they could help?

mamalovebird · 26/02/2012 20:47

Was going to also say the same as Ivana, if your DH has asthma then you need to vacuum every day so get a good vacuum cleaner. I've recently got a Vax that is recommended for pet owners and it's brilliant.

And definitely don't let them upstairs or in the bedrooms.

The work top things is hard. I know my cats get up of my kitchen worktops when we're out but I have to make sure I give everything an antibac wipe before and after I do any cooking.

Can they maybe stay outside in the summer with a cat kennel type thing. We're considering that this year for the summer months so they're not in the house when we're not here.

JobCarHouseNoBaby · 26/02/2012 20:48

If it's any reassurance to you whatsoever I grew up from birth being surrounded by cats and we regularly had to take our pillows/duvets to the laundrette to rid them of cat pee. (some dissapproving comments further up thread).

Now I'm all grown up (and not at all damaged by said cat pee) DP and I have 3 of our own. They are predominantly house cats which means litter trays and occassional vomit on the floor in the morning but I wouldn't be without them.

We moved from a pokey flat (where one of ours peed by the front door almost weekly) to a 3 bed semi and all of them are so content and happy. No pee incidents at all, but aforementioned vomit to clean up purely because we haven't got a cat flap fitted yet.

I reckon give it a few months in your new home before making any rash decisions.

And agree with earlier tips re airing the house and keeping all bedroom doors shut to avoid mess in bedrooms.

Plus, if it helps win you DH over, my dad said he was so glad my mum continually had cats in the house as he thought it really taught me and my brother to care for 'something' and learn how to look after other beings.

AprilSkies · 26/02/2012 20:49

I'm allergic to one of my cats not the other, strange but there are work arounds. No one ever died from cat hair, ignore the haters.

chipmunksex · 26/02/2012 20:50

Today was a bad day.

Have a chat with dh about what you and he can do to improve the situation, like other people have said segregating felines and getting a good hoover and so on.

Agree to talk about it again once you're settled in the new house.

mad4 · 26/02/2012 20:51

what quiet tiger said - thats the reality

Sorry its a difficult situation but there is much you can do to help them and there is light at the end of the tunnel. YANBU.