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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not To get rid of the cats?

63 replies

NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 20:01

When I met DH I already had 2 cats, which he thought were cute. 2 DC later and he absolutely hates them. I don't blame him, he is asthmatic and they are troublesome ( today they have thrown up on the kitchen work top and pissed on DD1's pillow).

He has started making noises about rehoming - But I can't see anybody else wanting them as they are old and manky now. Plus they are my cats - and we are hopefully moving from our cramped flat to a house with a garden in the next few weeks. AIBU?

OP posts:
igetcrazytoo · 26/02/2012 20:53

YANBU - they are too old to rehome successfully and would end up languishing in a rescue centre or put to sleep.

Can you make some compromises. My OH is not a cat lover, so we keep the cat out of the bedrooms, and it is left in the kitchen/diner overnight.

I also had an older cat that would throw up - the solution was not to give her cheap cat biscuits.

He might moan less about them if he feels his feelings are being taken into consideration.

RandomMess · 26/02/2012 20:54

Being allergic and them aggrevating your asthma so you need to use inhalers are 2 different things!

Asthma still kills!

ReallyTired · 26/02/2012 20:54

I think if the cats are old and mankey then maybe you do need to think about having them put to sleep. If the chances of the cats being rehomed are slim then maybe its best to think about killing them humanely as possible. It is not reasonble to have incontinent cats and small children. It's a health hazard.

I think you need to be tougher about keeping cats off beds and kitchen work surfaces. Although I imagine it would be next to impossible to teach old cats new rules.

Surely your husband is the love of your life and his health is important. You married him not your cats.

Dozer · 26/02/2012 20:56

Yabu, asthma is serious.

Jux · 26/02/2012 20:57

You know you can make things easier with the cats, hoovering, shutting doors etc.

Can your dh go to the gp and explain, maybe there is a better medication he can have?

At least you are moving soon.

msrisotto · 26/02/2012 21:00

Fucking hell ReallyTired! Kill them? Harsh!

YANBU OP. There are solutions to this and you're moving really soon. Hang on until then, they'll be going outside more, don't let them in the bedroom etc. Also, why weren't they a problem before kids but are now? That doesn't sound like the asthma is the real reason.

pengymum · 26/02/2012 21:01

if you are moving to a new place, just make sure the cats stay downstairs and not allow them into the bedrooms. They will probably stay out most of the time anyway. Also, if you can, don't have carpet downstairs, have leather sofa and clean religiously so that the dander/hair doesn't linger and trigger your DH asthma.

Cats did come first but asthma is serious!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 26/02/2012 21:06

If they are going to start peeing inside, due to old age, then I think bedrooms should be off limits. Surely older cats sleep most of the time anyways, so really, they should get easier (peeing aside) in terms of interaction / getting in your way.

How is their behaviour generally?

ilovesooty · 26/02/2012 21:08

YANBU: pets aren't an expendable accessory you get rid of when they become inconvenient.

Take the measures others have suggested, and I hope your husband takes a good hard look at himself and his values.

Kayzr · 26/02/2012 21:10

ReallyTired that's fucking disgusting and nasty. Have them put to sleep!! Don't be so stupid Angry

Blu · 26/02/2012 21:12

"it really taught me and my brother to care for 'something' and learn how to look after other beings."

oh, the exquisite irony.

Look after other beings except, apparantly, a fellow human who suffers a very uncomfortable and potentially dangerous reaction to your pet!

JustRedbin · 26/02/2012 21:15

Yoo're right Blu, humans are much more important than every other creature on this planet. After all there are so few of us.
OP keep the cats and stock up on ventolin.

Original poster
NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 21:16

They are 13 and 11. No obvious signs of ill health, one skinny & one fat.

How do people stop their cats from going upstairs/jumping on worktops?

We have a miele cat and dog but it is 10 years old and smells more of cat than the actual cats. I will treat myself to a new one after we move.

It's all laminate floors and leather sofas here, I haven't dared have a cushion or rug for years. Bedrooms are normally shut off but DD1 was throwing a mega tantrum as we left today so I missed hers being left open.

I always disinfect worktop then use a chopping board for cooking.

It is hard work.

OP posts:
JobCarHouseNoBaby · 26/02/2012 21:17

Blu the OP's DH knew she had cats when he met her, married her, lived with her and fathered a child with her. It was his decision to move in with the cats, it's not as if the OP has all of a sudden gone out and moved in two moggies after years of marital moggy free bliss without his blessing.

I think he's had plenty of opportunity to raise the cats as a danger to his health - and presumably he hasn't yet had a severe asthma attack to make the OP really seriously consider getting rid.

OP, how long have you and your DH lived with the cats?

Blu · 26/02/2012 21:20

And he didn't know he developed asthma in response to the cats - as the OP says, he didn't know at the beginning, but as it goes away when they are on hol, it is down to the cats.

So what is he to do? Say 'the cats were there first darling, so don't worry, now that we've discovered they give me asthma, I'll move out' ?

hellymelly · 26/02/2012 21:20

Crikey kayzr,thats a bit harsh.
Anyway op,there is a product called petalcleanse that you apply to the cat's fur,it can lessen the chance of someone reacting to the proteins in the cat hair.I think healthyhouse stock it,anyway its easy to find online. I would try that,and also maybe limiting the cats so they are not access all areas in the new house.I also agree that its time for a vet check as weeing on a pillow suggests a UTI or a very stressed and possibly unwell cat.Vomiting can mean the kidneys aren't working all that well.
You are close to moving,so give the cats plenty of support in the new house as older cats find moving hard,and limit them from the off to certain areas,perhaps don't allow them in a sitting room,or in the bedrooms.Get them extra comfy new beds etc and make the space they can enjoy as cosy as possible.A vet health check,petalcleanse on their coats,and see how you go.They are your pets and depend on you,so no YANBU in my book,but obviously all in a household need to be happy and cared for (pets included).

toddlerama · 26/02/2012 21:21

I can't believe you would put the cats above the comfort of your husband and child! Pissy pillows for DD and DH having to take steroids to live in his own home?? They need to go. Pets are suposed to enhance your life, not make it 'hard work'....

JobCarHouseNoBaby · 26/02/2012 21:21

NotAnother in terms of restricting access to rooms, keep all bedroom doors shut as a habit. We have laminated kitchen/diner and are fortunate that our house layout is such that we can shut them in there overnight (it's half the floorpate of our house, very spacious but very easy to clean). While we are out at work all day all doors to all rooms are shut, so the cats only have access to hall, landing and kitchen/diner.

I can understand how that might be more tricky with DC though.

I'd get a cat flap as a matter of priority in your new place.

OhBuggerandArse · 26/02/2012 21:21

Last in, first out.

Old animals are manky and unseemly, so are old people. Would he like you to get rid of him when he can't control his bladder any more?

Blu · 26/02/2012 21:23

All I can say is that I am really pleased that I am allergic to cats, so would never have got involved with a cat owner - lucky escape, if you ask me!

(and despite my opinion over someone's illness v cats, I am actually an animal lover, with strong acted-upon principles about our treatment of animals, before you get started, JustRedbin)

Blu · 26/02/2012 21:24

Last in, first out, good principle. If your children turn out to be asthmatic, allergic and develop horrible skin complaints in response to cats, you can always have them adopted.

Onesunnymorningin2012 · 26/02/2012 21:25

YANBU at all.

Original poster
NotAnotherNewNappy · 26/02/2012 21:25

We have lived together for 4/5 years.

It has got worse since having kids as the cats are more stressed and it is more upsetting when they mess on the DC stuff.

Don't be too hard on DH, all he did was google cat rehoming centres - not throw them down a well.

I have ordered the felliway stuff.

OP posts:
GrahamTribe · 26/02/2012 21:33

QuietTiger knows her stuff. Please listen to her. D0inmecleanin is asthmatic I believe and has good advice on how to overcome the problems which come with pet owning. You might like to pm her.

Smellslikecatspee · 26/02/2012 21:37

Re:work top get a really lemony anti-bac spray. Or any citrus smelling one. Most cats hate it.
Our ground floor is mainly open plan so can't keep them out of the kitchen. Even taking the bottle out now means boy cat walks off in a huff and sulks in the study or drapes himself over the sofa so the no one else can sit there and giving me the evil eye constantly