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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think my neighbour should mind his own beeswax & WWYD?

55 replies

GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 19:21

Knock at the door today, just as I was serving lunch. Neighbour from three doors up who wanted to talk to me about my activities earlier. Not what you might imagine! Apparently, he'd been offended to see me vacuuming (upstairs, windows shut, so he was going some) as it was a Sunday and he's a Christian.

He's a nice enough bloke a bit of a strange one from time to time, but thoughtful enough. He also fancies himself as a bit of a joker so, I laughed and thanked him for his concern whilst patting my tum, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and said that I had to keep moving or I'd become part of the sofa.

I really thought he might be having a surreptitious dig at DH (who wasn't there when I vacuumed as he'd taken DD(2) swimming and had expressly told me not to do it, but I'm nesting like mad at the minute) for not helping. But it appears that he was serious. I reminded him that I'm an athiest and that I didn't think it ought to bother him, but thanks for his concern etc.

Then at dinner time, another knock (timing is excellent) saying he'd really feel much better if we would come to church with them tonight as he was worried about my unborn baby, even though it's probably too late for DD (WTAF!).

At this point I told him the conversation was over and that we were about to eat. He walked away loudly proclaiming that it wasn't over and that he was going to keep fighting this one.

I'm tired, irritable and probably over reacting, but I'm dreading seeing him again now. I'm a SAHM and he's retired, so we bump into each other fairly often. Don't want to blank him completely, but don't want to engage anymore. Not really in a good place to have a full on theological debate.

AIBU to tell him to mind his own bloody business and leave it at that? Alternatively, WWYD in my position?

OP posts:
QuietTiger · 26/02/2012 20:00

Bluntly, if that was happening to me, I'd be telling him to Fuck off and then Fuck off some more. but then I can be really rude

It is, as you rightly say, none of his business what your belief system is.

alessthandomesticgoddess · 26/02/2012 20:04

He's strange and rude. Tell him you have no interest in going to church with him, your unborn baby is none of his concern and you'll vacuum whenever you see fit.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/02/2012 20:04
bejeezus · 26/02/2012 20:05

I also would suspect he is having some kind of episode? If he's not usually like this? Does he live with anyone you could talk to?

Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 20:06

He walks I'm afraid, pious & apparently not hypocritical in that sense at least. Hubby pointed out that his DS2 has AS & wonders if perhaps his dad shares similar traits. I can't say I've noticed classic signs before (history in my family, but more extreme, no eye contact, sensory overload outbursts etc). Still not ok though.

I think his 'church' is more of a collective & he may be one of the lay preachers, not sure if there is an overall 'leader' feel a bit intimidated by it all tbh.

Re observing sabbath, my uncle is Presbyterian, not even free Presbyterian (I'm from NI, we have lots of them). My au t had to roast the chicken & make the gravy on a Saturday night; strangely he was ok for the potatoes & veg to be cooked fresh, but only boiled, not roasted (bob good, oven bad?!). Don't think he liked cold veg, & the gravy could be heated. He was also happy to read the Sunday papers, but only if they were delivered, he wouldn't go in the shop. He is a lovely man otherwise!

OP posts:
GoingForGoalWeight · 26/02/2012 20:08

How offensive! He is watching you. My advice is to nip it in the bud and tell the police. The vile cretin. I'm so sorry as this would have very much emotionally upset me. The cheek of it, ignore him, never answer the door to him. Start as you mean to go on. This is all you need, especially being thirty six weeks pregnant.

Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 20:12

quiettiger as soon as dd was down for her nap I ranted about how he should fuck off to the far side of fuck , a great phrase I read on here the other day! But I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt at first.

He lives with his poor lovely wife. She's also Christian, but more approachable. I think she has a hard time keeping peace between her DH & her 5 pretty difficult boys, but she may be a good place to start. I know her mum is dying in a hospice ATM though so I was trying to avoid adding to her burden.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 26/02/2012 20:13

Don't start dreading what he's going to do or say next, just tell him firmly to fuck off so there is no doubt in his mind that you are uninterested in his beliefs and he has no chance of converting you. I don't get how someone can take this level of interference.from someone else, and think only of how to deal with it with the minimum amount of offence possible. You're too nice!

MayaAngelCool · 26/02/2012 20:26

Well, I have a sort of a faith and I do housework on Sundays. I guess that whole sentence says it all: I must be damned! Grin

Please deal with him assertively. Don't think you have to be nice about it - just be firm, don't smile or use apologetic body language - you know what I mean, don't you! Grin Just take a deep breath then state firmly and slowly that his behaviour has offended you and you do not wish to discuss religion with him again. Say you hope you've made yourself clear, then walk away.

What a rude git!

Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 20:37

Trust me I'm definitely not too nice! I tend to be o e extreme or the other! I think firm and assertive is good advice. I just think it blindsided me & I'm already knackered & fed up of lumbering around!

I also have to live here & he's been here for 18 years & formed bonds with quite a few other neighbours. I want to keep it as civil as possible without being a walkover IYSWIM.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 26/02/2012 20:41

Hobnobs - you wouldn't enjoy being a Wee Free. Grin

Narrow minded lot and the women must wear hats to church.

Salmotrutta · 26/02/2012 20:43

Gaviscon - tell him bluntly you don't appreciate him trying to convert you.

QuietTiger · 26/02/2012 20:44

Gavisconjunkie - blame your "blistering" response to him on "pregnancy hormones". Wink

Either that, or tell him that you are Gods messenger and God is telling him to Fuck Off and leave you alone! Grin

Original poster
GavisconJunkie · 26/02/2012 20:45

..& skirts & in my poor friend's case no make up either. Not allowed much freedom & have a he'll of a lot of h'work to do the rest of the week.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 26/02/2012 20:46

If he came to my house and did this, the next time he turned up I would warn him that details of his visits were being logged and a further visit from him would result in me contacting the police to report harassment.

Selyna · 26/02/2012 20:48

If he won't take no for an answer next time, a swift door slammed in his face may just get the message across? Also that way if he does something like try to stick his foot in the door you can have him arrested for trying to force entry (I think)

Jux · 26/02/2012 20:48

Tell him you're Jewish. Some Jehovah's Witnesses were bothering my brother and he told them that; apparently they retreated calling him "Christ killer" Shock

Or just go for the usual Satanist or Pagan.

Salmotrutta · 26/02/2012 20:51

I know a Pagan ...

AKMD · 26/02/2012 20:51

YANBU OP. I am religious but wouldn't ever dream of saying something like that to anyone, not that I believe what he's saying is true BTW Hmm

If you're up to it, I would have a word with his pastor because either they've just gone on a missionary drive and he's taking it a bit far or he's having some sort of mental episode, in which case he needs help. If not, his wife or the police are two good alternatives.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/02/2012 20:51

Oh he'd love me - it was sunny here today so I've had all the doors and windows open and been doing a bit of a spring clean Grin

I'd have just laughed at him the first time... the second time I would have told him, in no uncertain terms to mind his own business.

Third time - fuck off the fuck off.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/02/2012 20:53

I don't think his poor wife needs to be burdened with this right now :(

featherbag · 26/02/2012 20:56

Jux, what a load of shite!

OP, if he calls again tell him if he says one more word to you about religion you'll be contacting the police, and then do it! They'll at least have a word with him and explain the error of his ways.

travailtotravel · 26/02/2012 20:57

Oh god, this is me except it's my own mother. I now get a daily text saying how much Jesus loves me. Which I ignore ONLY because I feel bad for my poor dad otherwise I would be down on it like a ton of bricks as I am a not quite sure but definitely not what she is.

Oh god, i am going to have to deal with her, aren't I? Before she starts knocking on other people's doors? Shock

Apologies to any of you who may live near my mother.

Thetokengirl · 26/02/2012 21:00

If he's trying to "save" your unborn child, then he'll probably give up once he/she is born. Grin
If not, tell him to fuck off and call the police.

MistyB · 26/02/2012 21:01

An idea pinched from another thread, though not necessarily quite in the same vein, but could you write him a letter explaining how you accept his right to practice religion but he is obliged to accept your right not to and his behaviour, in addition to causing you undue upset, could be construed as harassment and that unfortunately, if he continues to approach you on this subject, you feel you have no other course of action open to you other than to contact the police. This may hopefully avoid you actually having to have a conversation with him on the subject.