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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that mum "not liking" a child

38 replies

ginmakesitallok · 26/02/2012 12:51

is not a good reason to exclude them from a party when all other children in class invited???

DD is going to a classmates party this pm. Her BF has not been invited - all other classmates have. She says it's because birthday girl's Mum doesn't like her BF. DDs BF is the most lovely polite and friendly wee girl you could imagine and is very Sad ay being left out. Is other Mum being a bitch or not?

OP posts:
Nyac · 26/02/2012 12:52

Other mum is being awful.

I'd be tempted not to send my dd to a party that was being arranged on exclusionary lines. It's a very bad example to set children.

AKissIsNotAContract · 26/02/2012 12:53

It does sound a bit off. Does the mum give a reason for disliking the girl?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/02/2012 12:53

Mum is being a bitch. What a horrible thing to do to a child.

AnxiousPanxious · 26/02/2012 12:54

Very unpleasant.
OTOH there are a couple of kids I would rather not have in my home. Of course I do, because I don't want to teach the DC my prejudices (and I can keep an eye on the vicious little things).

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/02/2012 12:55

But saying that, I would wonder if ther was another reason, most people arent that horrible for the sake of it. Your dd mightn't know the real reason, and there could be a valid reason for the Mum not liking this child.

Nyac · 26/02/2012 12:57

There probably isn't.

Heswall · 26/02/2012 12:57

Depends why she doesn't like the child though doesn't it ?

GrownUp2012 · 26/02/2012 12:57

I wouldn't exclude only one child, that's just mean. But I would find a way to exclude a child I disliked being around my children, probably by having a smaller party and inviting fewer children, including the child I disliked. But no one would ever be aware of my motives.

youarekidding · 26/02/2012 12:58

Are you absolutely sure she is the only one not invited from every other child in the whole class?

If so, then I think that's terrible.

I can't imagine for one minute why anyone would do/ or condone such a thing.

Nyac · 26/02/2012 12:59

I'd be phoning her up, asking her if it is the case she's invited all but one, asking her why if she is doing that and then keeping my dd home from the party. Parties aren't the be all and end all, especially when they are being used for bullying purposes which is what social exclusion is.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/02/2012 13:00

Someone might do it if the two girls had had problems with each other in the past, or if the Mothers didn't get on.

Just guessing though, it's still a horrible thing to do.g

diddl · 26/02/2012 13:03

Well, you only have your daughter´s word that that is the reason.

I do think that all class parties are ridiculous though & that the bday child should just invite who they want.

diddl · 26/02/2012 13:05

But to answer the OPBlush

It´s either a class party or not & the mother´s "likes" shouldn´t come into it.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 26/02/2012 13:05

There werre problems in the past - accusations of DD and BF bullying the other girl (which turned out to be nonsense and other way round), but all sorted now I thought? Maybe not. I think it might be because if DD and BF are there they will play together and birthday girl won't be centre of attention (If DD there on her own she will play with other girl most).

I don't think the birthday mother gets on well with any of the other Mums to be honest - she's not particularly likeable. BFs Mum is lovely, quiet, unassuming, keeps herself to herself.

Not going isn't really an option - DD would be very upset

OP posts:
diddl · 26/02/2012 13:06

And to finally answerGrin

YANBU-it´s not a good enough reason.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 26/02/2012 13:08

I agree re a"all class" parties being ridiculous - but am just a bit Shock at leaving one out, particularly as the girls have been through nursery, and primary to P4 together.

OP posts:
MrsKittyFane · 26/02/2012 13:10

Well if the mother has done this, she should be asking herself:
Whose party is this? Hers or her DC's?
and
What the * am I going to do when DC get to secondary school and I can't control DC's friendship groups?

I don't believe you should encourage DC to be friends with just anyone, there have to be common interests- but to single out just one child is awful.

MrsKittyFane · 26/02/2012 13:11

Just read your latest post OP- maybe the DC didnt want this girl there then? In that case, it's her call.

Nyac · 26/02/2012 13:12

Imagine how awful the little girl who is being excluded must feel. It's encouraging other children to bully her and single her out. I would not be happy about putting a child into that situation, teaching them it's OK to leave people out. The grown ups who are going along with it are tacitly approving of it.

MrsKittyFane · 26/02/2012 13:16

If these party hosts are so dreadful why does your DD want to go?

MrsKittyFane · 26/02/2012 13:19

Your OP said that the mum didn't like this girl and so isn't inviting her, it now seems that the party girl doesn't like her either.
Good enough reason not to invite?

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2012 13:24

You could arrange a treat for your DD and her BF instead of the party.

Shows a little support...

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 26/02/2012 13:24

Fair enough - maybe it was party girl's decision.

DD wants to go because of the venue and because she's friends with birthday girl??? Confused = would any 8 year old say no to a party because of the birthday child's parents???

OP posts:
diddl · 26/02/2012 13:28

Does it being the birthday girl´s decision make it OK then?

Thing is though, by taking your daughter you are surely condoning it?

Nyac · 26/02/2012 13:32

People wonder why little girls sometimes gang up on each other and bully each other. It starts with the parents.