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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quick please: AIBU to ask her to buy me a new

44 replies

buttonmoon78 · 25/02/2012 21:07

...pushchair?

I lent someone a pushchair a while back. It was my very basic holiday pushchair (a Maclaren Triumph if it matters). It was old but in good condition. Since then I've had another dc and asked for it back as we'll be travelling to Kenya in April and I wanted a really lightweight buggy which didn't matter too much if it gets a bit stained with red African dust.

She ignored all my texts so I was wondering if there was a problem when last night she presented me with it having washed and cleaned it all for me.

When I opened it this morning there are a couple of problems. Firstly, her dcs have stuck stickers all over the frame which she's obviously not managed to get off whilst pressure washing it. Secondly, the raincover is noticable by its absence. Thirdly, it looks like she took the whole hood off and put it through the washing machine. The plastic hoops are melted into a wholly new shape and the hood no longer stays up - something which will be quite important under an African sun. She didn't say anything about any of the above.

So what do I do? If I ask her to buy me a new one, I'd be taking a brand new pushchair to a situation where I deliberately wanted to take an old one.

I know lending carries risk, but I've lent her stuff in the past and borrowed things from her - we both look after things and keep things like car seats and buggies clean and tidy so I figured the risk factor was low.

I don't want to seem precious (probably do though!) but it's really got to me!

I'm seeing her tomorrow morning and could do with a little fast advice!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/02/2012 21:09

why would you ask her to buy you a new one... it wasnt new when you lent it to her.. but you could ask her to buy you a secondhand one that is in good condition though..

Mutt · 25/02/2012 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WibblyBibble · 25/02/2012 21:09

Get a new hood for it- maybe ask her to contribute or just say you'll need to buy one and see if she offers. I don't think you have any justification in asking her to pay for a whole new buggy just because it's got some stickers on!

TidyDancer · 25/02/2012 21:11

Was it absolutely clear that it was a lend and not a give?

The stickers wouldn't matter to me personally, but the actual damage/missing parts would....I think if she'd held her hands up and said sorry, I wouldn't have worried in your shoes, and if I could afford it, just replace it. It's the fact that it looks like she's tried to disguise the problems that would niggle with me.

I would ask her if she noticed the problems with the buggy and see what her response is.

If it was me, I would've offered to replace the buggy without being asked though.

Mutt · 25/02/2012 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

INeverFinishAnythi · 25/02/2012 21:15

I bought my most favourite pushchair (we had 3) for £7.99 secondhand on eBay. If she's a good friend just pick up a cheap secondhand one and say no more about it. Really not worth falling out over.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 25/02/2012 21:15

Maybe she thought it was a give and is probably worried about it.
Is she a friend ?

RandomMess · 25/02/2012 21:17

The raincovers are about £10 on ebay and hoods more I should think (new they are silly money) I don't think you would be unreasonable asking her for some money towards a replacement raincover and hood as long as it was clear it was a loan not a give.

Original poster
buttonmoon78 · 25/02/2012 21:18

Whoa that was quick - thanks!

squeakytoy I guess I could look at second hand.

Mutt no fear. I'll not be in this situation again if it's something I'd want back. The hood isn't missing just damaged beyond use.

Wibbly I don't think I can just get a new hood. I can't find one when looking but my googling skills are not exactly legendary and I've not had that much time to check.

Tidy I think the stickers are the straw that broke the camel's back TBH. And yes, it's the fact that she's said nothing at all. It was absolutely a lend not a give, understood by both parties.

OP posts:
PrincessWellington · 25/02/2012 21:19

Yabu to say anything, just buy another one or ask on freecycle or gumtree

Original poster
buttonmoon78 · 25/02/2012 21:21

I guess this is where it gets a bit messy. We were really good friends until last summer (about 3m after the loan) but she behaved really badly over something I'm not going into now. Since then she's been really odd - I think guilt. So no, we're not exactly friends now, more acquaintances.

Ok, so the consensus is that I should approach her about financing replacement parts. I can do that.

OP posts:
Bingdweller · 25/02/2012 21:23

I'd be really pissed off. Would be upfront with my friend and say the buggy is not useable in the condition returned. She is welcome to keep it on the condition she replaces it with second hand , cheap buggy which will service your needs for the holiday.

GnomeDePlume · 25/02/2012 21:23

Give to friends
Sell to strangers
Only banks lend

WandaDoff · 25/02/2012 21:23

Gumtree or Ebay would be good places to look for second hand pushchairs.

Ebay would also probably be a good place to look for replacement parts.

I recently got a new raincover for our Triumph for £15 from there. Smile

Mutt · 25/02/2012 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiddlyompompom · 25/02/2012 21:25

YANBU to want it replaced, but you are if you expect a new one, surely she can pick up a second hand one, or you can and she can pay you back?
You lent it in good order, and if the rain cover and hood weren't missing/damaged I doubt you'd care about the stickers, as it would be perfectly usable. I would expect things to be returned in usable condition at least, but reasonable wear and tear is expected seeing as she hadn't just borrowed it for a weekend.
Def say something to her, just point out the facts, the hood is unusable and the raincover's missing, if she can't fix it then can she please get you a replacement.

upahill · 25/02/2012 21:28

It's for reasons like this that I only lend things that I can afford to go missing.

I hardly ever lend stuff out and if I do I watch it like a hawk and make a note of asking for it back.

squeakytoy · 25/02/2012 21:28

If you had still been close friends, would have you felt the same way?

You were friends when you lent it, and to be honest, if it were me I would have just written it off as gone, rather than reclaiming it after a friendship has ended.

Original poster
buttonmoon78 · 25/02/2012 21:34

See, I think I would feel the same. We always said that neither of us would ever lend to a mutual friend as she is very careless of her things and things she borrows from others so the fact that this has happened is a real surprise.

I think it's the missing stuff definitely. Wear and tear I can understand, though again I am a little surprised at the amount. It was lent when their son was 3, for a day trip to Alton Towers and such things when he had not used a buggy for nearly a year, but although I'm not surprised, equally I'm not bothered by that.

That and the fact that she's tried to hide it. That makes me mad. I stuff up? I admit it. Not nice, but necessary.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/02/2012 21:35

It may be just as cheap to look on ebay for one near you that you can collect yourself.

vezzie · 25/02/2012 21:36

I think you should be uprfront with her and give her a chance to make good the things that don't work or are missing. Stickers you could live with, with a working hood and raincover. Don't write this off because it's not fair and will drive you nuts. If she won't / can't put the working package back together for you, then if it were me I would be furious, but would be more likely to cool the friendship off than ask for cash or a new buggy. but that's just me.
(I have a Triumph - love it - it seems indestructible, I'd happily lend it on that basis and then be surprised and annoyed if it came back in a not quite useable condition)

MistyB · 25/02/2012 21:37

OP - try to put the other issues to one side and think what is reasonable in this case.

The stickers is minor but I suspect on the back of everything else it has made you jump to "well she should just go and buy me a new one then" when if none of the previous stuff had happened, she would probably have mentioned the hood to you and you would have probably come to a reasonable solution.

She may not have reasiled that you wanted it back and may well be mortified that it is not in a good state, worsened but the fact that she has attempted to clean it and buggered it up even more!

I would ask her if she has the rain cover and if she has lost it, say would she mind going halves with you on that and the hood as that seems to be un-useable as well. That may avoid what sounds like an already rather awkward relationship getting any more stressful for both of you.

Isn't it horrible when really good friendships fall apart.

MistyB · 25/02/2012 21:38

the stickers are...

and realised!!

it's late here sorry!!

Original poster
buttonmoon78 · 25/02/2012 21:43

It's a bugger misty. It really upset me. She and her H really stuck the knife in when I was ultra vulnerable and I don't think I can forget that. It was totally unnecessary and has had and will have really long lasting consequences. More than that and it will get long and boring!

I just wish she had listened when I said that I'd clean it. I've still got to wash it now as ds is terrible with other washing powders. His eczema flares up so it would have been a job for me anyway and I would simply have sponged the hood. I mean - who puts a whole hood, plastic hoops and all into the washing machine?!

OP posts: