Quick please: AIBU to ask her to buy me a new

[buttonmoon78]

...pushchair?

I lent someone a pushchair a while back. It was my very basic holiday pushchair (a Maclaren Triumph if it matters). It was old but in good condition. Since then I've had another dc and asked for it back as we'll be travelling to Kenya in April and I wanted a really lightweight buggy which didn't matter too much if it gets a bit stained with red African dust.

She ignored all my texts so I was wondering if there was a problem when last night she presented me with it having washed and cleaned it all for me.

When I opened it this morning there are a couple of problems. Firstly, her dcs have stuck stickers all over the frame which she's obviously not managed to get off whilst pressure washing it. Secondly, the raincover is noticable by its absence. Thirdly, it looks like she took the whole hood off and put it through the washing machine. The plastic hoops are melted into a wholly new shape and the hood no longer stays up - something which will be quite important under an African sun. She didn't say anything about any of the above.

So what do I do? If I ask her to buy me a new one, I'd be taking a brand new pushchair to a situation where I deliberately wanted to take an old one.

I know lending carries risk, but I've lent her stuff in the past and borrowed things from her - we both look after things and keep things like car seats and buggies clean and tidy so I figured the risk factor was low.

I don't want to seem precious (probably do though!) but it's really got to me!

I'm seeing her tomorrow morning and could do with a little fast advice!

oh right, one of these where the person just didn't listen: you said you would clean it, she attempted it, and messed it up. grrrrrr. And the other issues mean she's no great prize anyway. So, just say: I can't use the pushchair in Africa without the hood, I need the raincover, it seems to have been washed in powder that will affect my son's eczema; altogether it's no longer useful for me. I will need to replace it or replace parts of it. Do you think going halves on a new one is fair, or do you want to sort this out yourself, sourcing replacement parts etc?

I think I will. If we fall out it's no skin off my nose. I took the last time on the chin as I was pg then hormonal had just given birth and not up to standing up for myself in such a situation.

I will do just that - state the problems, ask if halves on a new one is an option or ask her to deal with the damage.

Thank you all. Have realised I am being a little bit precious in asking for a new one but not BU to ask for her to put right the damage on something which was very much only a 'lend'.

I think all your obvious hurt over the other stuff will come out over the hood thing and you will end up feeling really angry and not any better for it. She didn't understand your feelings as the time and probably doesn't now.

I think you are feeling precious and rightly so, about your broken friendship and your hurt feelings and the push chair incident has blown it all open again.

I'd bet that she paniced about the pushchair when you asked for it back and in her panic put it on a hot wash and was physically kicking herself as she knows how you feel about lending things to careless people and knows you will see it as one more may in which she disregarded your feelings and wishes and she is probably petrified about tomorrow!!

On the other hand you could both end up in tears and being best friends again!?! Though probably not.

I wouldn't get too emotional about it as you are unlikely to get the "I was so wrong" answer and bridge building that you probably need. Anything less will just make you still feel let down. A new buggy will cost you £15 which is less than an night out you might have had if you were still friends and you will still have your dignity and the moral high ground!!

I would write it off and get a cheap one on ebay.

Sounds to me like the friendship is all but over anyway, no point in getting into a fight if you don't need to, for your sake.

Never lend anything to her (or anyone) again.

UPDATE Well - fancy that!

I asked her (finally) if she would replace the missing parts. She left me a snotty message saying she wasn't going to replace the whole buggy for new (I didn't ask her to!) and that she'd look on ebay - fine.

Anyway, some time later she sent me a text saying that she was replacing it with new as she couldn't find one close (I'd found several ), arriving Tuesday. Ace. All she asks is that she can have it back when ds no longer needs it (ie in a few years) so she can flog it then. I think that's pretty reasonable as she was not obliged to buy a new one. She could have dug her heels in and bought nothing really I guess! And she knows that even in a few years it'll still be in good enough condition to sell because I won't do a dozy thing like put the hood through the washer which is what she said she did!

Alls well and all that.

She sounds like a decent sort TBH.

Well then she has come up trumps in the end. Perhaps guilt from giving yours back wrecked & maybe in some way to build the rift between you. I do like a story with a happy ending even about stickered up buggies

because I won't do a dozy thing like put the hood through the washer which is what she said she did!

In her defence, I put ours in all the time and it comes out fine, so it's not exactly dozy!

Glad it's sorted

If you can afford to go to Kenya, I'm sure you can afford a secondhand buggy!

she may have totally freaked out at the state of it as she didnt expect you wanted it back and stuck it int he machine to try and restore it , did you say you wanted it back , was it clear it was on loan or did she think you gave her it to keep ? i think yabu buy another stroller .

Good luck with a pushchair in Kenya. Remember to take a back up baby carrier, or a backpack carrier with a sun canopy if the child is a bit older.

So she had the buggy for nearly a year? Im not that surprised it was a bit damaged after that amount of time.

Oh she has replaced it for you , Oh well its all worked out and she can ebay it again when you are done with it , enjoy your hols

Hexagonal we're going for paid by a charity. I certainly don't have that kind of cash.

Mrsjay - all the answers to that are upthread. And though it's not a holiday but charity work, I am damn well going to enjoy it!

Quintessentially I'm not planning on actually using it much as a buggy! It's really so that when we're on shamba I can put him down for a nap but keep him handy. I'll pop him in a kikoi most of the time when we're walking I reckon though he's a brute so it will probably kill me!

MilkNoSugar do you put the plastic support struts in too though?! I'd fear for my washer let alone the hood!

Yup, put it in a pillowcase with the plastic struts towards the back of the machine and on a gentle wash!

Wow. Am in awe. Must be either a magic trick with the pillowcase or she's got a smaller drum or she put it on a hot wash. Looks like the latter TBH - the plastic bits look like they've melted a bit.

Mind you, I put all sorts of things in our washer and they and it all come out ok

maybe your friend thought that as it was an old buggy (albeit in good condition) that she wouldnt need to return the buggy to you...

i lent a breastpump to a friend and said i would need it back if/when i ever have another baby and the cowbag she sold it on ebay she stated she didnt think i wanted it back... and she kept the money too and has stated she cant afford to replace the one she sold i just think that maybe she was so desperate for money that maybe she needs it more than i do...

i would happily give you one of my old buggies if you live in the north west/liverpool/merseyside area...

ooh x-posted quite a bit...that'll learn me to read the thread first

glad its all sorted out

Never learns me

Thanks for the offer though!