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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know if describing a person as coloured is politically incorrect.

646 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 25/02/2012 19:05

Was talking to a friend today and I mentioned I had met one of his colleagues (but I wasn't sure who). He said. Oh was she a coloured lady?

I said yes and we each knew who it was I had met. I was a bit taken aback as you don't really hear the word coloured used anymore. But it was probably the best way to describe her (kind of Mediterranean / Indian).

Was I being too politically correct for being at the way he described her?

OP posts:

lambethlil · 27/02/2012 10:51

I didn't mean to be rude upthread, sorry. By definition a definitive list would be ridiculous because language changes and the only way to not cause offence is by being aware.

SS's dilemma is real, it must be hard to judge changing sensitivities living where she does.

BTW you're not coming across as ignorant as offensive because you're asking 'what should I say?' rather than 'Why shouldn't I say this'.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/02/2012 10:51

i would say not.

Original poster

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 27/02/2012 10:52

Joined the company (sorry)

OP posts:

Whatmeworry · 27/02/2012 10:57

Can we have a definitive list of correct terms to use, please?

Erm, no :)

Because what is PC today changes tomorrow.

And this is because it is not based on any rigour, rooted in any reality or using any rational approach, but on fads and faux-intellectuals' one-upmanship fights. Which is why its an ever changing set of words.

And it's all in the intent anyway - if you are genuine, in my experience you are unlikely to offend much more than Those Who want To Be Offended anyway, who typically are not the people being referred to, but those being offended on their behalf.

And if you do that, Orwell would be proud of you.

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:58

Phew.

Right, I shall just carry on doing the green tshirt thing, and pray I'm never in a suits/uniform situation.

PeppyNephrine · 27/02/2012 11:00

It doesnt whatme, and you fucking know it. Coloured has been on the twat list for 3 decades. You do come across as slow, but still, 30 years and you can't keep up?

Dalrymps · 27/02/2012 11:00

What's wrong with just describing her, as in height, hair, personality, clothes, etc? After all, you wouldn't describe a white colleague by stating that they were white first of all would you? You don't need to know job title etc. you could just describe her as a person, as you would anyone else.

ruddynorah · 27/02/2012 11:00

Cooeeee aitch!

If he is the only black guy in the room then you'd probably say the black guy yes. No problem there. I guess the issue is where you aren't sure, so you have to describe the person in another way.

You can't have a definitive list because it rather depends on the situation. Simply you wouldn't say nigger, Paki, darkie etc, you don't need a list of those do you? Think how people are described or discussed on the news. No one says 'three coloured men were seen...' nor do they said 'a Paki shop was broken into.'

Original poster

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 27/02/2012 11:06

I have worked in places where white people were in the minority and yes when people were trying to identify them they did say.

"it was a white woman who served me, she had medium length brown hair and was quite tall"

No one got offended and it did make it easier to identify who they were talking about.

OP posts:

lambethlil · 27/02/2012 11:06

whatme And this is because it is not based on any rigour, rooted in any reality or using any rational approach, but on fads and faux-intellectuals' one-upmanship fights.

Its based on feelings. I could well have a visceral response to being called kitten if its accompanied by a sneer, a kick or being spat at, and those who respect me and don't want to upset me wouldn't call me it, once I explained it.

Whatmeworry · 27/02/2012 11:13

It doesnt whatme, and you fucking know it. Coloured has been on the twat list for 3 decades. You do come across as slow, but still, 30 years and you can't keep up?

Well, write a list for Sarah then, since you are clearly so with-it.

I await it with eager anticipation and interest :o

lambethlil · 27/02/2012 11:19

You're not listening whatme the whole point of this thread is that language changes as do people's feelings.

Why do you not want to understand that?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/02/2012 11:21

Dalrymps, this is where any discomfort I feel comes from, the thought that someone would think I was being racist because I don't want to get into the situation of describing someone's t shirt first when they are black and that would help better in terms of identifying them. I just think that's a bit mimsy, all that.

Whatmeworry · 27/02/2012 11:22

Its based on feelings. I could well have a visceral response to being called kitten if its accompanied by a sneer, a kick or being spat at, and those who respect me and don't want to upset me wouldn't call me it, once I explained it.

But you can't base an entire list of taboo words in a language on feelings, and banning words like "kitten" if just one person in millions is offended.

It's not a rational or rigorous system, or even based on reality

Oh, wait.....

Orwell Woz Here

perceptionreality · 27/02/2012 11:26

'Why do you not want to understand that?'

Because some people, for some reason want to carry on antagonising other people because they think they have the right to, even though they should know better. However, if you ever called them a racist they'd be quick to anger.

Some people think they can say whatever they like (arrogant), yet when the shoe is on the other foot they don't like to be described by what they feel is an offensive term. Like my dad who thinks racist slurs are 'funny', yet did not find it at all funny when a doctor described him as 'burly' in a medical report.

perceptionreality · 27/02/2012 11:33

oh FFS - Newspeak is a concept Orwell used to describe the government changing language to manipulate people's beliefs - it is an explanation of how the government use propaganda to make people think something is ok when it isn't.

Your arguments are ridiculous - the term 'coloured' is connected with the apartheid. So, fairly logical then that it would be viewed as offensive now and always should have been.

perceptionreality · 27/02/2012 11:35

The point is that some things were always racist - they were racist even when a lot of people said them. It was not ok then and it is not ok now.

There was a time when it was legal for a man to rape his wife and when women were not allowed to vote.

As people become more progressive, laws are rightly made to stamp out prejudice and bigotry.

lambethlil · 27/02/2012 11:45

Whatme, But you can't base an entire list of taboo words in a language on feelings, and banning words like "kitten" if just one person in millions is offended.

Exactly which is why no-one is suggesting a list of words.

Words like Paki on paper would seem no different from Aussi however the experience of those who heard the former accompanied by a brick through the window means that that one is now a taboo.

musicismylife · 27/02/2012 11:53

Somehow this whole thread is extremely patronising. And irritating.

Most people say what they want to behind other people's backs anyway...

musicismylife · 27/02/2012 11:55

...and OP, if you were that bothered, you would have challenged it when faced with it. Not start whinging on mumsnet. People like you are sooooooooo irritating.

bejeezus · 27/02/2012 11:55

Most people say what they want to behind other people's backs anyway

lambethlil · 27/02/2012 11:56

musicismylife · 27/02/2012 11:58

I just find people like OP really irritating. If something bothered you that much, why not challenge it. Why not challenge it with the person who said it. Why come on a public forum and moan.......

musicismylife · 27/02/2012 11:59

People like her are like sitting ducks and are a thorn in the side when trying to sort racism out.

Dalrymps · 27/02/2012 12:01

Aitch I see what you're saying, if the person I was describing was black then I would probably say so.. If I were unsure about their nationality however I wouldn't call them 'coloured' or hazard a guess, I would describe them on what I do know so hair, height etc. I don't think that's wrong, that's how I'd describe anyone

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