Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know if describing a person as coloured is politically incorrect.

646 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 25/02/2012 19:05

Was talking to a friend today and I mentioned I had met one of his colleagues (but I wasn't sure who). He said. Oh was she a coloured lady?

I said yes and we each knew who it was I had met. I was a bit taken aback as you don't really hear the word coloured used anymore. But it was probably the best way to describe her (kind of Mediterranean / Indian).

Was I being too politically correct for being Shock at the way he described her?

OP posts:
lambethlil · 27/02/2012 09:26

What are you saying WMW- that if you're not personally defined by a term then its ok for you to use it?

bejeezus · 27/02/2012 09:37

whatmeworry

you do not know who is a comfortable middle class white woman on here. You dont know anything about our families and friends
You dont know if or how racism has affected us or our loved ones
You obviously don't know how racism has and does affect society at large

A few terms change, but generally what is offensive is pretty obvious and remains constant.

I find out and out racists much easier to deal with. Covert racism can have much more profound effects- the perpertrator always passing it off as 'just a joke' 'not meant in an offensive way 'you've got a chip on your shoulder'

why is it so hard for you to say, that you dont care if you cause racist offence? Why do you want to try and tell people that you should be able to say what ever you want and everyone who takes offence is ridiculous?

perceptionreality · 27/02/2012 09:46

'Comfortable middle class women taking offence on this someone else's behalf is laughable though.'

Nice attitude. Actually it has nothing to do with me taking offense 'on someone else's behalf'. Rather, I don't want my children to grow up listening to racist bigotry. Because decent people care about how their words and actions impact on others.

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 09:47

Can we have a definitive list of correct terms to use, please? Confused

I was brought up to say 'coloured' as 'black' was offensive. I know that 'coloured' is now offensive, but I have no idea what to say instead as it keeps changing.

Whatmeworry · 27/02/2012 10:01

I was brought up to say 'coloured' as 'black' was offensive. I know that 'coloured' is now offensive, but I have no idea what to say instead as it keeps changing.

Coloured is now offensive, black is now inoffensive....the overall mechanism is called the euphemism treadmill - ie whatever word is the current euphemism is the next dysphemism.

bejeezus · 27/02/2012 10:07

it costs you nothing to use terms that are inoffensive, whether they were considered offensive in the past or not. It is not difficult, it is not taxing, it requires NO effort

Why bellyache about it?

Do you WANT to cause offence?

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:09

I just want to know what terms are correct, I hate offending people, even inadvertently.

Pendeen · 27/02/2012 10:11

" Can we have a definitive list of correct terms to use, please? "

Of course. Would you like me to write it for you?

Or perhaps your neigbour? Or a committee of MN contributors?

I am sure there are lots of people who would love to produce their own particular Orwellian Dictionary.

seeker · 27/02/2012 10:14

If you were brought up to think that "coloured" was the right word to use, then you must be very old indeed!

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:16

I didn't mean it like that Pendeen, I meant it genuinely, I'm sorry if you can't see that.

As I completely fail to see why it would be offensive to ask that question, I'll just carry on as I am and hope I don't inadvertently offend.

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:18

I'm 44 seeker, I was brought up to use coloured. Confused

ruddynorah · 27/02/2012 10:19

In the case of the OP it would have been more appropriate to have said 'the lady with long dark hair, she looks Mediterranean I think.' Rather than 'the coloured lady.'

Often in most cases there's no need to use a racial descriptor at all anyway. Most of the time you probably don't know a person's racial make up anyway. I'm a mix and get described as anything from Spanish to Egyptian to Paki to half caste. I'm none of these, but I am a lady with long dark hair, quite small, big brown eyes, etc.

lambethlil · 27/02/2012 10:27

Can we have a definitive list of correct terms to use, please?

Or you can engage and listen when you talk to people and work it out yourself.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/02/2012 10:27

darling girl you would be the gorgeous woman with the long dark hair and brown eyes, etc. Grin

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/02/2012 10:27

that's a bit nastly, lamblet.

seeker · 27/02/2012 10:29

Interesting. I'm 50, and was told by my mother that "coloured" was unacceptable because it was a term used by the apartheid government in South Africa to classify people. Which was A Bad Thing.

But anyway, even if you were brough up to use it, how hard is it to stop once you've been told it's not OK?

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:33

I could, but I live in the back of beyond, I quite simply don't have the opportunity to do so.

Am I coming across as ignorant or offensive? Because I'm starting to think I might be, and I have no intention of doing so. Not all of us live in a multicultural area, where I live it is, quite simply all Caucasian. I simply never meet anyone who isn't, therefore it's difficult to know what offends and doesn't.

If I didn't care, I wouldn't be on this thread asking.

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:36

It's easy seeker, what's harder is knowing what is ok.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 27/02/2012 10:37

I am 44 and the term coloured was used when I was younger. But then it changed.
The only people I know who use it are older (by which I mean in their 80s) people who tend to add 'chap' or 'fella' to the end of it and are totally benign in their usage
OR
people who think 'Black' is a dirty word and cant allow it escape their lips. The sort who mouth it rather than utter it. They usually use it in the context of 'if I was coloured I would get a council house and a free car'

This is my experience. I live in the East End and grew up in North London. The only non diverse place I have lived was a brief and unpleasant stay in Dunstable in the early 80s.

Lets be honest, it doesnt take much to educate yourself on these things does it? Everyone here is capable of turning on a computor and looking on the internet. You dont even have to know any black people to find out.

I am always astounded at the insistance from posters that words like chinky and paki are ok because 'they are not meant badly'. FFS. Get real.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 27/02/2012 10:37

Sarah that was an X post and not in response to your last posts btw

PeppyNephrine · 27/02/2012 10:39

If you particularly need to refer to someones colour or ethnicity, try to be as accurate as possible. If you haven't a scooby, don't refer to it. Coloured means "everything else other than white", and its offensive because it relegates everyone non-white to a homogenous mass of other.

seeker · 27/02/2012 10:40

Ok.

The black woman" is fine.

However, " The woman in the green t shirt" is better.

Always better not tonuse personal characteristic as descriptors.

SarahStratton · 27/02/2012 10:40

Thanks MrsDV,I wouldn't use coloured, I wouldn't use anything, I'd rather describe as I feel like I'm tiptoeing through a minefield.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/02/2012 10:46

however,surely the woman in the green t shirt is only best if you can point to her. otherwise if you're getting into what clothes people wore and missing out such a key descriptor then you sound like you are frightened to say the word black for some reason.

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 27/02/2012 10:50

I was at a work meeting chatting to my line manager. She told me we had a new manager join the company recently.

I asked her to point him out to me whilst everyone was milling around getting coffee. He was the only black man in the room. Instead of saying he is the black guy over there, she described him as he is the guy who looks like X (a friend of ours who is black).

Describing what he was wearing would not have been much use as everyone was wearing suits. I thought she was being daft and said "you mean the black guy over there."

Was that the wrong thing to say?

OP posts: