To not have the foggiest why this bloke hates me so much?

[Pseudodinosaur]

We were really good friends with the family that live opposite us for several years. Our DC are friends at school. We went on holiday together. Weekends away together. Meals out. We all got on well. The bloke is a bit chauvanistic and his wife always does as he says and I don't think he could ever comprehend that I, a woman, had an opinion, but we always got on fine.

About a year ago he suddenly stopped talking to me. We hadn't actually done much with this family for a month as we had all been busy. He deleted me off facebook and blocked me. Whenever I see him he just does a snarl and glares at me, trying to intimidate me (is a bit of a hard man or thinks he is). I saw him the other day in a local shop and said hello as he walked right up to me and he just looked me up and down, glared at me and walked off. His daughter has also told my daughter at school to tell me he loathes me. I'm still friends with the woman but she is a bit scared of him and won't let her daughter come and play at ours now, or won't come round for coffee. I've asked her what I've done to offend him and she just said 'nothing but you know what he's like'

I honestly don't know what I did wrong but I do feel a bit intimidated by him. My husband says he thinks it's because I'm not submissive to men or that he fancies me! He's all friendly when he sees DH still, so it's clearly a big problem with me but I have no clue what I've done. We had no arguments, no cross words, we all got on pretty well together and had good times.

Maybe he thinks you are a bad influence on his wife, being all uppity and independent?

my money is on the wife trying to copy you and the husband is blaming you and thinks you are a bad influence.

I assume your DH has said to him he needs to stop being a dick to his wife?

If he hasn't, he should. And next time you see him feel free to tell him to fuck off.

He doesn't sound like a great loss to your social circle, and it seems like he really wants a reaction from you. So I would make sure you are as nice as pie, smile and say hello when you see him and walk off as if you haven't noticed a thing.

If his wife won't even come round for coffee for fear of antagonising him over this perceived slight, I feel very sorry for her. He sounds a bit like one of those people who wants to keep a certain control over his group of friends by making them do all the running, if you know what I mean. You want to settle things amicably and find out what you did wrong, but in truth I suspect it's nothing at all and he just wants to have an upper hand in the relationship.

I agree with your DH.

He sounds like a dick. Not nice to be hated but as a strong woman a lot of men are going to fear and dislike you. A compliment really.

He trys to intimidate you and your dh is still friendly with him? Why doesnt he ask him.

Did you make a flippant comment on FB that he may have taken ofence at? ie copied a cartoon or something?

Ignore the silly bellend, but if he tries to escalate the situation in any way report him to the police. You shouldn't have to put up with being stared at aggressively in the street, for instance.

He sounds childish more than dangerous TBH, but sometimes people like this can become a bit tiresome, sometimes they actually want some kind of reaction and won't stop until they get it.

eITHER ask him to his face: you had ample opportunity when he looked you up and down in that shop or get your DH to say you are a bit upset and ask him what his problem is. These types rely on people never saying anything. BTW, I am not suggesting you launch into one or square up to him, just a "Is there a problem? I get the feeling you have a big problem with me when we were all friendly previously".

Sounds like a knobber though.

he's fine with your dh? Has your dh not asked him wtf he is snarling at you?

In some way something you've said or done has ofended him. You do not need or be expected to know exactly what it was. You've asked his Wife now ask HIM. Why your DH is not more protective towards you, is strange and something i would question.

This man has communication problems.

He's a tosser - but I agree with the pps - Why hasn't your DH challenged him about the way he's behaving towards you?

I dont think you can report to the police for someone looking at you funny

Sounds like a cousin of mine. With him you are either a good person who they like or the opposite. There is no in between, no grey area. Once the switch is flipped you're placed in his mental list of enemies and there is a big list of "slights" and "insults" that justify it. You have done something that in his mind puts you squarely in the enemy category- could have been something you said, or his wife said about you, maybe even being busy. That's turned him against you.

Well he sounds like an utter arse so you are better off not being his friend anyway. I would have more of an issue with your DH not telling him to fuck the fuck off though, id expect my husband to do that very thing.

DH says he just tries to be polite to keep the peace as they're our neighbours. I agree with you all though that I need to be the one to ask what I've done wrong, so next time he snarls and looks me up and down I'll ask if I've upset him in any way.

Uther, he is very much like that. He has a lot of enemies because of his line of work, and not many friends at all.

I am keen to keep it amicable as I really don't want other neighbours or parents at the school to get wind of it all and think that I'm involved in any sort of feud or that I am a troublemaker, also our girls are friends. It's a shame really as they get on so well but every invitation is rejected.

I have a friend who had a controlling ex think kicks off if you go out,wears certain stuff, doesnt jump when he says etc. He went round and told everyone he hated me and blamed me for her changing (eg tell him and his stupid rules to do one!) Unfortnately she went out and got in with a bloke with exactly the same personality, [grr] but I doubt it will be long before he hates me to!

molly you trouble maker good on you

I feel quite upset about it all really as the girls really like each other and I try to keep the relationship going for them to play together but the mum always gives excuses, she will say they're going out but obviously with them living opposite me I know they don't always go out.

Devils advocate moment - the Op is a strong and independent woman - so to the other posters - why should her DH confront this man and ask him why he is snarling?

Surely not a gender thing?

I don't think DH should have a go at him for me as such but it does upset me when DH is so nice and chatty to him when the bloke has been vile to me. I couldn't be friendly with someone who treated DH badly. So no, not a gender thing, more of a respect to your partner thing I'd say :)

Before I even read the thread I thought it might be because he wants to shag you and you're DH has suggested it!

Ignore it.

I wasn't suggesting she report him to the police now, but sometimes bullies decide to up their game eg verbal abuse, threats, pranks or whatever.

I agree - you can't expect to be openly rude to one partner and nice-as-pie to another, if anyone gave out shite to my DH I wouldn't hesitate to Have Words. Likewise I imagine if the wife was the one being mean to Pseudo's DH but nice to her, Pseudo would say something, not least on the grounds of 'being the one she's speaking to'.

To be honest, though, even if you were to find out what it is you've done 'wrong', what would you be prepared to do with the information? It's very unlikely to be something you want to change or atone for, so it sounds like it's better off left as it is, with you trying to keep things civil for the sake of your dd, without playing into his little game of 'why he's not speaking to you'.