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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have the foggiest why this bloke hates me so much?

40 replies

Pseudodinosaur · 25/02/2012 17:24

We were really good friends with the family that live opposite us for several years. Our DC are friends at school. We went on holiday together. Weekends away together. Meals out. We all got on well. The bloke is a bit chauvanistic and his wife always does as he says and I don't think he could ever comprehend that I, a woman, had an opinion, but we always got on fine.

About a year ago he suddenly stopped talking to me. We hadn't actually done much with this family for a month as we had all been busy. He deleted me off facebook and blocked me. Whenever I see him he just does a snarl and glares at me, trying to intimidate me (is a bit of a hard man or thinks he is). I saw him the other day in a local shop and said hello as he walked right up to me and he just looked me up and down, glared at me and walked off. His daughter has also told my daughter at school to tell me he loathes me. I'm still friends with the woman but she is a bit scared of him and won't let her daughter come and play at ours now, or won't come round for coffee. I've asked her what I've done to offend him and she just said 'nothing but you know what he's like'

I honestly don't know what I did wrong but I do feel a bit intimidated by him. My husband says he thinks it's because I'm not submissive to men or that he fancies me! He's all friendly when he sees DH still, so it's clearly a big problem with me but I have no clue what I've done. We had no arguments, no cross words, we all got on pretty well together and had good times.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 25/02/2012 20:28

I don't understand why your DH can't just say to him mid conversation "Pseudo wants to know if she's offended you in some way? You've deleted her off Facebook and snarl when you see her?"

You've been on holiday with him, why can't your DH just ask??

But tbh he sounds like a Bell end anyway.

ledkr · 25/02/2012 20:43

I wasnt suggesting the dh confronts him just that if he is upseting his wife and being very obviously vile,should he just act as if nothing is wrong? Not a gender thing more a matter of loyalty. Personally id ask him myself. "whats up with you these days?"

ArtVandelay · 25/02/2012 21:08

There's a difference between confronting someone and just being a bit polite and cold. I'd be very dissappointed if my DH was all happy, chatty with someone who was treating me with outright hostility. I can't imagine him doing that even.

Is your DH a bit intimidated by this man? He does sound a bit mad. I think it sends a dodgy message out that he's free to try and intimidate you and your DH doesn't give a crap.

Sorry though - what a dick your neighbour is :(

plutocrap · 25/02/2012 22:45

Oh, don't ask if you've "done something to offend him"; that sounds too conciliatory, and why the hell should you try to make up for something you haven't done? In childish terms, he started it, not you!

Better to be more factual and ask for a proper response: "Didn't you hear me say hello?"

ravenAK · 25/02/2012 23:03

If he has you down as an Uppity Wife who might Put Ideas into his own dw's head, that might explain why he's still being nice to your 'poor henpecked' dh?

My dc's nanny's h is like this with me. He's perfectly pleasant to dh, albeit in a slightly patronising way, as he obviously thinks I have dh's testicles in my handbag.

He's a twat, & your neighbour sounds like he'd find common ground with him tbh...

Don't know what you can do about it though. I ignore it, but I don't much like it.

FilterCoffee · 25/02/2012 23:30

I'm sure you will have done nothing wrong. Some people are like this, but it's his problem, not yours. Try not to let it bother you. I agree with plutocrap that you should be assertive and factual, and demonstrate that you're not intimidated at all.

skybluepearl · 25/02/2012 23:36

be extra nice and happy to him and show him that you aren't intimidated and don't give a toss.

TheCraicDealer · 25/02/2012 23:37

I'd add him to my mental list if "people I can live without" and forget about it. He's clearly giving his hatred of you a lot if headspace, I wouldn't return the favour. The fact OP's DH is at least civil is good- if he had problems with both of them things could get nastier. He probably doesn't want to look overtly like a dick if her DH is still his 'mate'

Tranquilidade · 25/02/2012 23:42

We had a similar situation years ago OP and it did indeed turn out to be that he was a controlling twat and didn't like me being independent and encouraging his wife to have confidence in herself.

Heyyyho · 25/02/2012 23:47

You get under his skin somehow, he wants a reaction to intimidate you...

I wouldn't like it one bit..

Tryharder · 26/02/2012 00:03

It's not nice to be disliked particularly if you have done nothing. I've been in a similar position. It is very, very intimidating and upsetting.

But what kind of man tells his daughter to tell your daughter that he loathes you? I actually laughed at that. He sounds less mature than my 7 year old.

But I cannot believe that your DH is not having words with this man. How can he continue to be friendly with someone who treats his wife with utter disrespect. Tell your DH to man up and start defending you.

If I were you, I would probably take extreme umbrage and snarl right back at him. Not saying that is the right thing to do just what I would probably do.

verityverbiage · 26/02/2012 00:37

It sounds like you've done something wrong to him.

Have you said something to his wife maybe?

Don't put your husband in the firing line just avoid him and it shouldn't come to that, we've gone past men protecting our feelings against other men haven't we?

Original poster
Pseudodinosaur · 26/02/2012 08:20

Well no, not really verityverbiage, that's what I'm so baffled about. We all got on really well, and were all good friends. I'm just not generally the kind of person to fall out with people or to offend people. He does fall out with a lot though, and doesn't really have many friends, and has quite a few enemies according to things he and his wife have said. So like some of you have said, he is clearly one of those people that just gets the hump about nothing. He's always come across as an angry sort of person, angry with the world really.

Oh well like some of you have said on here, no point in losing any sleep over it all, I'll just carry on being chirpy and saying hello when I see him. If he wants to act like a 5 year old then best thing to do is let him knock himself out, right?

Thanks everyone for the replies :)

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 26/02/2012 08:26

Great him with a cheery 'Morning Fuckface' next time you see him. That'll learn him Grin

Sorry that wasn't helpful but I would not waste my time worrying about such an eejit.

ledkr · 26/02/2012 09:08

never underestimate the impact of a massive raspberry Grin

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