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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sad (wedding related)

53 replies

Archemedes · 25/02/2012 17:20

Be gentle please I saw another thread like this where th OP got torn a new one to an unecessary point.
It seems that weddings seem to bring out the worst in everyone, I dunno wht this is surely the one time to put aside differences is a wedding or at least pay lipservice and whinge later like normal people.
I made someone chief bridesmaid purely out of proximity and one of my oldest mates has been put out of joint by it.Even though they live far away and have a very demanding career.
A relative of mine has been in a humpf since january because I wont uproot my big day over 200 miles away, for their convinience.

My friend is getting married, due to budget its a family only one in the day anyway. I'm getting married in a few years time and she will hopefully be an active part of mine, planning etc.
I feel quite sad I'll miss all of the pre planning little bits that girl mates do, the dress buying and then finally most of the big day itself.
She is one of my bridesmaids and I dunno feel like maybe I put too much significance on our friendship as awful as that sounds.
Plus i'm scared i'm irratating my OH mates with wedding talk , and I try not to talk to much but its like with anything like baby talk the more you think I won't mention it too much this time? you do. I'm struggling TTC atm an I find it a welcome distraction from that and my DS refuses to toilet train and I always hear this is the happiest time of my life and I just feel incredibly numb and empty. Sorry to whinge.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 25/02/2012 19:06

confused - oh yes I am TWO YEARS of this!

and yes, why can't you go shoping with your mate?

Ephiny · 25/02/2012 19:06

I find it hard to imagine such a long engagement as well, especially if you're actively planning and organising stuff already - at this rate you're going to be thoroughly fed up of the whole thing by the time the wedding comes!

Portofino · 25/02/2012 19:09

I have a friend who's wedding was 2 years in the planning. It was a nightmare - and I wasn't bridesmaid or anything - but the stress she went through! One day she told me that they had a big argument over whether or not to hire a harpist!!!! I really struggled to not laugh. The marriage lasted less than the time it took to plan. If you want to get married, get married. It costs about £50. I never understand all the fuss.

picnicbasketcase · 25/02/2012 19:10

So, if I have this right - You've involved someone in a big way in your wedding who hasn't involved you in hers at all seems to be the main problem here, but are you generally fed up at the moment and are placing far more importance on this than you would otherwise? The TTC is a lot of pressure, maybe try dealing with one thing at a time before you sink under the wight of everything?

QuintessentialyHollow · 25/02/2012 19:12

wtf?

In a few years?

You sound totally nuts.

GavisconJunkie · 25/02/2012 19:15

You're getting married in a few years time? Perhaps no one is taking it seriously because of that? Why on earth have you asked people to be bridesmaids at this point?

Original poster
Archemedes · 25/02/2012 19:31

2014 I mean,
sorry just looking back quite cringeworthy whinge,
had a rough time with family drama these past few weeks I got engaged at xmas and it just seems to get worse.

Sorry to have whinged.

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 25/02/2012 19:34

You're perfectly entitled to have a good whinge, it'll make you feel better. AIBU might not be the best place for it though, too many people spoiling for a rumble.

EirikurNoromaour · 25/02/2012 19:34

You are completely entitled to whinge and to be upset, but maybe take stock a bit to work out what is really upsetting you. It really can't be an event you are planning in 2 years time.

StewieGriffinsMom · 25/02/2012 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Archemedes · 25/02/2012 20:02

I agree alot of the posts I think the wedding thing is something I could leave alone but its like a comfort blanket atm so its a vicious circle.

OP posts:
AKMD · 25/02/2012 20:13

Honestly, if I could re-run my wedding to DH, we would have organised a 'family meal out' for one Saturday and phoned everyone in the morning to tell them to meet us at the wedding location :o No bridesmaids, no picking out umpteen dresses and favours and flowers and meals etc etc etc, just a small wedding in a lovely dress with close family. Done. Planning a wedding is massively stressful and I think your friend has the right idea. Don't start stressing about it 2 years in advance or you will ruin it for yourself.

gordyslovesheep · 25/02/2012 20:16

yes Picnic there are people spoiling for a fight :) aren't you Grin

nowt wrong with moaning but if you are getting this stressed maybe back off a bit!

cookielove · 25/02/2012 21:25

I had a long engagement, i am getting married this year, we have been engaged for the past three, in the beginning for me it i really just wanted the ring, and knowing that one day we would get married. We were stuck in limbo, waiting for the next part of our lives to start happy but in limbo any way we decided that we would begin planning for the wedding when we had just over a year to go, so the only thing we decided was the time or year.

We left it at that, i occasionally bought a wedding magazine (they are sooooo expensive) to browse through during the years leading up to it, but really only since after christmas have we really put any concrete plans down for things. ok we did a few things before christmas too

Any way my point is, it doesn't have to be dragged out and be a big stress issue for the next 2 years, you could put it on the back burner, slowly gather ideas in what you might like and then when you feel the time is ready start planning your dream wedding. How you want it.

WandaDoff · 25/02/2012 21:30

You sound like your confidence is low at the moment.

And stop apologising about whinging, Mumsnet would be fucking boring if none of us whinged.

ImpatientOne · 25/02/2012 22:05

Agree with Portofino - just get on with it.

I hate it when it's all about the wedding - it's the marriage that's important. [cliché emoticon] I had a lovely family wedding, more for my relatives than me, and 2.5 years later am so pleased that I didn't spend more or plan the minutiae as it really makes no difference in the end. Also the person I asked to be my chief bridesmaid got all jealous and ended up not being at the wedding so definitely don't make the mistake of asking too soon!

I am also quite judgey about ttc before getting married anyway, just not the right way round in my book.

McHappyPants2012 · 25/02/2012 22:17

I was engaged for 4 years, but once we had the money I took 2 months.

Heck on the dont tell the bride it takes 3 weeks.

mockingjay · 25/02/2012 22:19

That's none of your business though ImpatientOne.

Tiredmumno1 · 25/02/2012 22:24

Shock impatient I cannot actually believe you just said that

ImpatientOne · 25/02/2012 22:26

Nope it is none of my business :)

Original poster
Archemedes · 25/02/2012 22:46

well i have one DS already so i dont care for tradition too much, but thankyou for your input.

Thanks for being kind ..some of you anyway, i just felt like i was about to explode but at the same time i feel quite numb.

OP posts:
maybenow · 25/02/2012 22:46

i am not in anyway judgey about ttc before marriage but i have to wonder WHY? if you know you want to be married then why not just do it? have your wedding and wedding night not pregnant... enjoy the time before you have a baby..
why risk the hassle of trying to have your wedding when very heavily pregnant or breastfeeding a newborn?
and if it's about money, then i'd also say you're not likely to have more disposable income once you have a baby... just cut your plans to what you have... and maybe organise the wedding right now will be enjoyable?

Original poster
Archemedes · 25/02/2012 22:53

I actually quite like the idea of having my children at my wedding but each to their own.

OP posts:
Mia4 · 25/02/2012 22:56

Don't seat the small stuff OP, really don't. You'll just upset yourself more. I get why you are upset, in your mind you are sharing your day and marking people as 'important' by making them part of it. But that's your day. For your friend, it may not be about importance in terms of asking people.

My friends have asked me to be b/maids but i'll be having a family only marriage, with one my two best friends in attendance, not because i don't love the other but because we can't actually afford any more then that and we'd rather save the money towards having our own place and kids. One of aid friend I've asked can't have me at her wedding, not because she doesn't love me but because she can't afford anyone else but family, if she invited me it would open the floodgates to all those equally as close to her.

Mia4 · 25/02/2012 22:56

*sweat even, damn wine and spell check