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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be feeling The Rage at parents who haven't RSVPd to DD2's party...

57 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 24/02/2012 18:10

...which is tomorrow?

I'm the first to admit that I'm sometimes slow to RSVP. But I always get there in the end.

So here I am, about to spend my evening putting together party bags and making sandwiches for children who probably won't turn up tomorrow, and whose parents can't even be bothered to pick up their phones to type "yes please" or "no thanks". We're not talking one or two kids, we're talking fully half the children who were invited.

In this age of instant communication, there's just no excuse for being so bloody RUDE!!! Angry

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 24/02/2012 18:13

YANBU but you're not the first, nor will you be the last.

Kennyp · 24/02/2012 18:16

A friend of mine caters for non replyers but doesnt do party bags. Then she says "i didnt know if you were coming so i did some food just incase but didnt do a party bag as they cost a lot". She is braver than me, i wouldnt dare!!

oohbabybaby · 24/02/2012 18:18

I know its so frustrating Im having a party & asked everyone to RSVP so we can advise the caterer, I put email address, mobile number & put Text/Call beside that. Seriously how hard is it??

ILoveToPost01 · 24/02/2012 18:22

There is no excuse! Angry for you. It is very rude! I'd take it as if they're not coming to the party!

SauvignonBlanche · 24/02/2012 18:23

YANBU, it's annoying.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 24/02/2012 18:25

A week or few days before the party I text, call, email or ambush at the school gates any parent who has not RSVP'd. A lot of extra work TBH made necessary by people's rudeness in not responding in the first place - but at least then I know how many kiddies to expect.

The other thing I hate is no-shows.

Mia4 · 24/02/2012 18:26

I'm not surprised you're pissed, personally i'd act like they aren't coming-make enough food because it's not that kid's fault but make a surprised 'oh i assumed you weren't coming because you didn't RSVP, luckily i came prepared though' comment to said parent. But I'm a cowbag like that tbh.

Or i'd do the same back.

BlueyDragon · 24/02/2012 18:33

YANBU, it's so rude. Mind you, I had one RSVP to DD's party that said sorry we've taken so long to reply but DC has since been asked to another party and is going to that one. This was after the RSVP by date. Could just have said no thanks rather than hedging bets then telling me DD 's party wasn't good enough.

inkyfingers · 24/02/2012 18:33

Do the food which you can eat later. Agree on the party bags.

On next years invite, put rsvp and if I don't hear by xx date I'll assume you can't come.

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 24/02/2012 19:05

I am planning to not put their names on the party bags and 'luckily have spares' (we have a big stash of party bag stuff anyway), but I don't expect they'll turn up. Poor DD!!

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 24/02/2012 19:06

Unfortunately, these are all pre-school and nursery parents who I never actually see since we drop off/pick up at different times, or I would have asked them in person by now.

OP posts:
butterflyexperience · 24/02/2012 19:13

Very rude...
Angry for you

whattodoo · 24/02/2012 19:14

I'm in a very similar situation. But (stupidly) we're having ours in a softplay where you have to pay per child. Do I pay for those who haven't rsvp'd "just in case" or only those who've confirmed their attendance and risk having to awkwardly turn those away who i'm not expecting?

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 24/02/2012 19:21

whattodo - we're also in a softplay, and I'll be paying for 15 kids no matter how many turn up.

OP posts:
MandyT68 · 24/02/2012 20:48

I freed myself from the tyranny of party bags by having a lucky dip. That way anything left because of rude non responders could just go back in the cupboard or be extra presents for my children. I would say, "oh Fred hasn't come but you can have his go in the lucky dip" food is never wasted here. Sausage roll soup anyone?

Mishy1234 · 24/02/2012 20:52

We were facing a similar situation recently, but hadn't invited many and it was only a couple who hadn't replied by the RSVP date. They did a day or two later though, which was a relief.

It is annoying and expensive for you to cater for children who don't turn up. It's anxiety inducing and I feel for you.

harrietlichman · 24/02/2012 20:53

I can't believe people do this - it is so bloody rude and thoughtless, if they can't come, send a polite 'thanks but no thanks' ffs! I have been there, and do what Kennyp said - have food ready just in case but don't have party bags. And if/when they turn up shame them - a polite 'Oh! Hello!?! So glad he/she could come - I must have missed your reply?!'

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 24/02/2012 20:54

Not anxiety, Mishy, out and out RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!! Angry Grrrrrr!!!

Grin

Must stop MNing and go finish the cake and party bags.....

OP posts:
dontthinkicanbebothered · 24/02/2012 21:02

No, you are not bu. I hate no shows too. Last party i had for ds had 3 no shows with no explanation or even a sorry. I know it's not the childs fault but -they wont be invited again- the next party is limited to close friends only whos numbers i already have

imoanruby · 24/02/2012 22:20

YANBU...i have scaled down the parties now and dds just have a few close friends that i know will turn up. It makes my blood boil it's so rude.

OlympicEater · 24/02/2012 22:24

YANBU I've shelled out a fortune in pay per place parties where half the DCs don't turn up but parents haven't RSVPd - so blardy rude.

troisgarcons · 24/02/2012 22:27

TBh - no consolation - 15 kids in nursery - you're mad ....absolutely barking .... but I'm saying that in hindsight.

peppersaunt · 24/02/2012 22:52

Have you noticed it's always the same parents?

HoneyandHaycorns · 24/02/2012 22:56

Yanbu, it's very rude not to respond.

Hope the party goes well tomorrow. :)

Queenofcake · 24/02/2012 23:01

I absolutely hate this rudeness. There are few excuses for it imo.

I got so pissed off one year. I think it was DDs 6th birthday. 5 out of 14 RSVP'd.

I was pre menstrual, very stressed with an impending (short notice)house move and as I knew we were moving house 6 weeks later and DD had 5 friends coming (incluing 2 of her closest friends) I actually stood at my front door and turned people away. I told them I had asked for RSVP by a certain date (3 days before party). That I had chased them by text/phone and had no response so had assumed they could not come, was no longer expecting them and had not catered food, games and party bags for them.

My name was mud in the playground after that because ....wait for it....I had been cruel to their children. Ironic I thought - as all of those that could not be arsed to RSVP had potentially been cruel to my child - had no one bothered to turn up on the day. You read about it often enough on here - so not being irrantional imo.

This action probably is not the wisest action to take if you intend to spend any longer than 6 weeks living where you are though. Deffo was a bit frosty in the playground afterwards.

But OP I feel your rage.