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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be feeling The Rage at parents who haven't RSVPd to DD2's party...

57 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 24/02/2012 18:10

...which is tomorrow?

I'm the first to admit that I'm sometimes slow to RSVP. But I always get there in the end.

So here I am, about to spend my evening putting together party bags and making sandwiches for children who probably won't turn up tomorrow, and whose parents can't even be bothered to pick up their phones to type "yes please" or "no thanks". We're not talking one or two kids, we're talking fully half the children who were invited.

In this age of instant communication, there's just no excuse for being so bloody RUDE!!! Angry

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 24/02/2012 23:57

there were 3 parties planned fo the first couple of weeks of summer, some parents did not reply to any of the invitations. one parent said she might come if she could but didn't turn up, she diid give dd a prresent when they all went back to school though which I was surpriised about as she had explained the circumstances and knew it might be a problem. we had one who cancelled an hou before the party was due to start because she had double booked.

Needingsomeadvice · 25/02/2012 00:21

Argh - I am in same situation. Invited 20-only got about 14 RSVPs of which 10 are definitely coming. Out of DS's 4 main friends only 2 have RSVP'd. I agree that it is very rude Angry.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 25/02/2012 00:25

We leave a crucial bit of information out of the invitations - location or exact time usually, so that they have to talk to us if they want to come.

zipzap · 25/02/2012 00:45

If they are old enough to understand about and want party bags I send ds(6) in the week before his party and get him to tell any kids that haven't replied that I need to buy the stuff for party bags and I will only get it for those that have RSVPed. Plus a little printed slip with party date, time and my contact details to go in their book bag.

Resultant pester power from children to their parents has usually been enough to get most of them to reply :o

One group that caused problems was where parents were separated - invite didn't get to the parent that had custody for the weekend so they knew nothing about it, or if they were staying with the non resident parent, they assumed that you knew they wouldn't be in town that weekend or that the other parent would have answered on their behalf. Difficult to know how to deal with - send two invites on different days? Chase extra vigourously?

For ds1's most recent party I got a sack of £1 footballs from Asda which went down really well (even with the girls) and it didn't matter if I had leftovers; with 2 boys they get used up andeans I can keep one in both cars, leave one at grannies, have a spare for when they get kicked into the neighbours or the brambles and puncture etc.

iscream · 25/02/2012 07:44

My friend booked a skating rink for her daughters birthday party in kindergarten. (age 5). Invited the entire class, plus some family members, She didn't know any of the parents, as they all went to school via bus.

Not One Single Child showed. Only family showed up. Nobody rsvp'ed. So 2 children and 4 adults had the rink to themselves. Not to mention all the food and gift bags she had. My friend thought perhaps it was a language thing, as a lot of them didn't speak English, but still, very annoying to say the least.

FaithHopeAndKevin · 25/02/2012 08:25

Agree with not giving out the time or location so that if when parents RSVP you can tell them where/when it is. It means you know 15 people aren't suddenly going to show up. I did it this year after seeing it on here and it was liberating Grin

Babieseverywhere · 25/02/2012 08:56

Empress, "We leave a crucial bit of information out of the invitations - location or exact time usually, so that they have to talk to us if they want to come."

What a good idea. I have only had one joint big party for my children so far, last year. I found some people RVSP and didn't come and others didn't RVSP but turned up on the day. But we still had the same number of kids, so all was well for food.

Plus the party bags were cones of sweets attached to helium balloons unlabelled so just handed out to everyone at the end, with no worry about names matching.

ibizagirl · 25/02/2012 09:16

Have had the same thing happen to me. Only once though. It was a bowling party and i had to pay per child and one who said they were coming didn't turn up. I wasn't that bothered as i took her place and had her meal and the children thought it was so funny. It was a great laugh actually. It turned out that the child didn't come because her mum couldn't be bothered to bring her. That was the actual excuse although it was a poor one. This may sound rude, but have you had a party where your child doesn't receive anything from a guest, even a card? Mine has. Twice. The same child. Although my daughter wasn't bothered at all i thought it was a bit, well, you know.

Tonksforthememories · 25/02/2012 09:25

DD2's party last year, almost everyone RSVPd but on the day we had 5 no-shows. Upsetting for DD2, and expensive for me.

At my goddaughter's party last weekend she had 7 turn up that hadn't RSVPd. Party was held at Frankie and Benny's so plenty of extra expense for BF!

I will join you in the RAGE! :)

Hecubasdaughter · 25/02/2012 09:44

YANBU.

When I married half the invItees didn't RSVP despite being chased 3 times. Ended up with MIL paying for too much food, Room looked empty as it had been set up with seats for everyone.. DH still isn't talking to some of them, he was so upset.. We had a great time though. One of the offenders is currently moaning on FB that she can't plan the food for het birthday party as people haven't RSVPed.

I would understand someone pulling out at the last minute if it was due to illness.

I once was chased by a parent for an RSVP though when I hadn't seen the invitation. XH sometimes collects DD from school and if invitations are given out that day he bins them so he can add not RSVPing to his list of complaints against my parenting. Another time he agreed to take her to a party when she was with him. He decided he couldn't be bothered on the day I was left to make apologies when I found out Blush. I have learnt my lesson from that and now RSVP no if she will be with her dad on party day :(.

treadwarily · 25/02/2012 10:15

Can I just ask how many children is normal to invite? It sounds from these threads that it's normal for a lot of children to be invited. Must be difficult! I only ever invite 2 or 3.

Babieseverywhere · 25/02/2012 10:27

Number of children is very variable.

Last year we invited 50 children and 40 came, but that was a joint party for three siblings. We invited all 30 children in the class for oldest child, 15 for middle child and 5 for youngest child. We hired our school hall, which haf cheap fixed fee. Did the food and games ourselves so didn't cost much and was pretty much the same cost if we had halved the numbers.

Next year oldest DD wants McDonald's (yuck) and cinema party so we'll be looking at inviting the 10 girls in her class only and will be a lot more expensive than the school hall.

treadwarily · 25/02/2012 10:35

Wow, I'm amazed, truly. Is that quite normal in England?

worzelswife · 25/02/2012 10:50

OP YANBU and I was in exactly the same situation last week. 14 people invited to a party (3 course meal, so lots of food to buy). 6 people replied. The other 8 all told me on the day or the day before that they couldn't make it, after much chasing up on my part.

Spent the night before sobbing because it was so hard putting myself out there and planning this; I'm not that confident. Having rejection after rejection felt miserable. Honestly never planning a party ever again.

I can't understand for the life of me why people don't know that it's very rude and inconvenient not to rsvp, and that it's really hard planning a party and facing having no one show.

I hope your dd still manages to have lots of fun

livelaughlovevintage · 25/02/2012 10:51

DS had his first big party last month, invited 9 children from his class plus his second cousin as a "back up" incase of non repliers. A couple didn't bother to RSVP and one said her DD could come then didn't bother to show up! Angry Oh and second cousin's mum didn't even acknowledge the invite Sad
YANBU
I'm now stuck with £30 worth of "internal credit" at local activity centre until April.
Don't think it's fair really. Next year I'll only be inviting the kids I know will defo turn up plus strict notice on when to RSVP by.

worzelswife · 25/02/2012 10:51

Oh and two people who are supposed to be good friends couldn't come because they didn't want to leave their pets alone for the evening. Angry Really, the mind boggles.

Hecubasdaughter · 25/02/2012 11:00

WTF *

halcyondays · 25/02/2012 11:03

Yanbu. It's very annoying, there are always quite a few that don't bother replying so you end up doing party bags just in case and end up with them left over.

FaithHopeAndKevin · 25/02/2012 11:16

It's when "a few" extends into 50% of those invited you have an issue.

The time I didn't put the location of the party on, I did get a few calls on the day of the party asking where it was 'because that's not on the invite'. No, I would have told you if when you RSVP'd

of course that approach doesn't cover for uninvited siblings Grin That's my real nightmare - that an extra 10 people show up, all with 2 siblings Hmm

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 25/02/2012 11:33

Still grumpy about RSVPs and small number of children who are coming, but they'll be sorry cos they'll miss out on the most awesome cake that I have made .

It's really sad that this rudeness is so widespread. Angry and Sad

OP posts:
FilterCoffee · 25/02/2012 11:45

YANBU

Hecubasdaughter · 25/02/2012 11:49

I saw a wedding programme, the guests who had not RSVPed were forced to wait outside as the others ate, they were not catered for.

aquashiv · 25/02/2012 11:50

If they dont respond then they arent coming by the cut off date then they arent coming - simple as that.

EnjoyResponsibly · 25/02/2012 12:17

No you ANBU.

This actually makes me incandescent with The Rage.

It is the height of bad manners, not least of all because everyone knows that parties are expensive and the children who's party it is are hurt by the thoughtless rejection.

These parents would be going on my List of Doom and should be thinking veeery carefully when operating heavy machinery or walking near rivers. Grin

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 25/02/2012 15:17

Zipzap I think the idea of getting your DS to warn the non-RSVPers they won't have party bags is brilliant. Talk about harnessing pester power.