to be tired already of the part-timer comments at work?

[Wheezo]

OK so 2 questions - am I being unreasonable and WWYD

Started a new job post maternity leave doing 4 days a week. Colleague sitting next to me is also new, let's call her Z. Only 5 weeks in and I am already tired of the "oh you're so lucky to be part-time" and "I'd love to have a day off a week to lounge around" comments from her. She has no DC so to her a day at home with a 2 year old appears to involve lying on the sofa watching daytime TV. Am a lone parent so I have to pick my DC up at 6pm from nursery so leave at 5 but I take my laptop home, work every night once DC in bed for an hour or two, don't take lunch generally (went to lunch for the first time last week) and am on my blackberry in the mornings before I reach the office at 9. The job was advertised as part-time as 3 or 4 days and from the spec it seemed to me it was at least 4 days which I chose to do. In reality it is a full-time position and so you just have to pack in as much as possible. I like the job, am paid well, and like the people so no violins necessary and I know everyone working with kids has these pressures and we all cope.

Anyway...have been letting the oh you're so lucky comments wash over me until this past week, sickness has spread through the office like wildfire and people have been taking days off to recover. I've now succumbed but not had any time off work with it because chicken pox is circulating at nursery and am terrified am going to have to take time off work for that so am just dosing myself up. Z has had 3 days off sick in the past 5 weeks for 2 separate illnesses (she started 1 week before me). So another colleague says to me, you're doing well to be in the office (she herself had been off with this same thing for 1 day) and I explained re pox scare and Z pipes up with well you had a day off already this week to be sick (meaning my non-working day) and I said no I haven't and she wanted to argue that my non-working day was in effect my sick day. I just quietly pointed out I don't get paid for not working that one day a week and you do get paid if you take a sick day and left it at that.

So before I get further annoyed by this (a) am I being oversensitive to get so riled by this? (have history of workplace bullying pregnancy & mat leave related so realise I have ishoos) and (2) if not, how can I nip this in the bud in a polite but firm way?

Incidentally, Z is orthodox Jewish and leaves every Friday at 1/2pm to get home before sundown for Shabbat. I would never ever say anything about how lucky she is to leave early because it would be totally inappropriate because to her it is as non-negotiable as me needing to pick my DC up and all I have ever said when she goes is "Shabbat Shalom" (I get oh you're so lucky to leave on time EVERY FRICKIN" NIGHT as well).

Oh and we do not do the same job - I am the only person that does my job so there is no scope for her ever having to pick up any of my work for me. It will just pile up until I get to it.

I'm afraid I don't have any constructive advice, but I do understand how you feel and I have no doubt that those comments would drive me up the wall as well.
I'm a SAHM, so I give you great respect for juggling work and childcare, but I certainly disagree with anyone who thinks that being at home with a child is an easy option.
Until she has children herself, your coworker will never truly understand, but I wish someone could say something to her that would stop her comments to you.

It is annoying, but it's best to ignore I think. She's not in a position of authority and isn't calling your work into question so I don't think you have grounds to bring it up with anyone at work and it's difficult to know what you could say to her to change her mind. A lot of childless people can't fathom what it's like to have children and to not really get any time off so I think you can put her comments down to ignorance rather than nastiness. Do you need to engage with her much for work? If not then it might be best to be a bit cold with her, just don't encourage conversation, that way she won't have the opportunity to comment on your sick leave or day off.

Do you have a line manager who could have a quiet word with her?
If not, you'll have to man up and ask her politely but firmly to stop making these comments as you find them unfair and irritating. It may cause a bit of frostiness for a while but I'm sure she'll get over it!

I had a colleague like that and I would just agree with her, and tell her how I lucky I am, and how I was going to just laze about on my 'day off' and watch TV and eat chocolates. And I would then go on about how I felt sorry for her having to work so hard.

She got bored of it eventually.

I had this too when I worked 4 days a week. It wasn't until I pointed out I had my children to get to school then collect by lunchtime (we get a half day on a Friday) that I get roughly 3 hours on a Friday and it's not lounging about doing nothing.

I just used to say whatever when they started on me. I did join in the jokes sometimes when one said "oh it feels like a friday!" I replied "I wouldn't know I don't work them!" and we laughed.

You are not being over sensitive. These kind of comments contribute to the massive anti-parent culture of many workplaces. Yep she's probably ignorant but I think you should challenge her on it. You have nothing to apologise for- you've negotiated with your bosses and presumably made salary sacrifices. Put her straight sooner rather than later or she could mutter it to other weak-minded souls and thus the culture continues...

YANBU.

I'm not sure what would be best to do about it though, either ignoring it or stating the facts as you have been ('No, that wasn't my day off - I wasn't paid for it, and I was looking after my DC.'). It's so bloody frustrating to have to do it though. I was leaving work at 5pm soon after going back after maternity leave, and one of my colleagues commented that it was nice for me to be leaving early. I pointed out that I had also got in early.

I have this too.. I am lucky to work 4 days a week 930 to 230 so can bring DCs to school and pick them up every day. One full timer says things like 'oh, you leaving already', 'another early weekend' (when I leave on Thursday as Friday is non working day, 'Lovely sunny day to be going home' blah blah blah. She even once insinuated that I shouldn't be getting Child Benefit money as I worked. She is same age as me (40) with no children.

I tolerated it for so long. Then when I could take no more I politely pointed out that I worked the hours I was contracted to do and was paid a lower salary than her as a consequence. This was my choice as much as working full time was hers. I didn't appreciate being told I was leaving early, when in fact most days I was a half hour late!

When she annoys me which now is seldom, I return with comments like 'yeah off early to do my unpaid work bringing up the next generation!' She rarely says anything now.

As for the child benefit, I rather childlessly said I didn't really need, but it was great for using for coffees/spa treatments on my day off.. (completely not true, but great to see how much this wound her up!

So YANBU - tell your colleague politely that her comments are no longer required.

I found the easiest way to deal with comments like this is just to agree with them

eg yeah I spent yesterday under my duvet watching jeremy kyle and eating doughnuts.. I was thinking of you all...

or as I settle down with my wine in half an hour i will raise a glass to you

You will find it easeir

Anyone with half a brain will know that you dont do this ... so just laugh with them

it's your basic jostle for top dog dance

As hard as may feel to do ......just ignore it

Laugh along

I have had a few of these and I really let it get to me the first time , and I thought I must be inferior because I was part-time/reduced hours..

Then I got promoted above the full-time person . She was not happy

I really do think you owe to yourself (im talking to my former self) to realise you don't have to prove anything to colleques

Just remind her that you're also on a part time wage and pension! Also remind her that if she wanted a part time job, she could apply for one. Clearly she doesn't though- Shes just making annoying comments

I used to get this. I used to agree and say "Yes it's great to have a day off, but it is reflected in my salary. You could work part time too if you wanted." You can say that in a non -confrontational way, perfectly polite, but it does get the point across

Re working late / leaving on time, I can see both sides to this. Of course, you have a commitment to collect your child on time, everyone would understand that .however, I can say from experience that if you are regularly working until 6.30pm because you feel it's expected of you in a professional role, then it can be galling to watch colleagues leave at 5pm sharp, for whatever reason whether nursery or sporting commitments etc.

I just used to reply "sadly I get paid part time too" and that normally was the end of it (each time!!).

Very frustrating YANBU :-)

Threeprinces response is the best! Pithy, factual, and not much you can say back.

YANBU, totally. It is not quite the same thing but we have a new piece of equipment in my office which makes my job much easier - so I keep using it. It's in the general administrator's office and every. sodding. time. I go over there to use it she makes 'quips' about how 'RP is taking time off again playing with the new wotsit, just like a boy with his toys, you really like using that thing, don't you?' etc etc.

It is really annoying being told that are basically not working/ doing your job when you are!!

Grrr this sort of thing annoys me so much. I get the odd comment but generally peopel are pretty good about me doing 3 days a week because I make sure I put in a decent effort on those 3 days like you are doing too.

Maybe you could tell her she gets 2 days off a week - called Saturday and Sunday.

Probably best steer clear of the Friday afternoon thing though, even though you would have a point and I doubt her salary reflects her shorter working hours in the wintertime its just too easy to claim racism / religious persecution if you mention it.

I'm a 4 day weeker as well, but am also expected to do 5 days worth of work for 4 days pay.
It used to get on my tits big style 'enjoy your day off...etc etc' but I'm quite a grumpy cow when I get riled so a short explanation of how I spent my 'day off' and the fact that I got paid 20% less than them put a stop to the 'jovial' comments. I massively overcompensate for not being there one day a week which is my own stupid fault I suppose.
However now I'd like to go back full time and am not allowed. Be nice to get paid properly for the hours I actually put in.

Oh that used to drive me insane!! I once got told off for saying 'goodbye' to someone as I left the office at 430 (got in at 730 likes!) because it would be demoralising to the person who was still in the office. That person did compressed hours so was actually contracted to be in there till 7pm!!!!!!!!

But to return to you (breathes). I honestly would just say 'oh, why don't you apply to have your hours reduced then? Anyone can work part-time, they don't have to have caring responsibilities. Oh, can't you afford to? Have I put my foot in it? Sorry....' then move on. I know it's passive agressive but horses for courses....

like threeprinces whenever anyone comments to me, I always reply "its great... until payday".

If people seem to be making snidey comments about me doing less work due to being part time, I always respond with: "well, you can always go part time too, if you don't mind the pay cut."

Shuts them up, but is non - confrontational.

I get comments like that too and just smile and agree.
When it gets too irritating I just remind them that I only get 3/5ths of a salary too. They then say 'oh yeah' and realise I can do whatever the hell I like with my time off as I'm not paid for it.

I have worked 2 days a week since having children 16 years ago. At first it was hard to look after two small children and work.
Now it's great.
My choice, I could work full time or not at all.
Full timer envy is par for the course. As is the illness dilemma, somehow it's more frowned on for part timers to have sickness. I crawl in to work on the grounds that I will soon have time off to recover. When the children were small it seemed that all my annual leave was taken up with poorly children but one thing I never did was to call in sick when it was really a child who was ill.

I'm seriously shocked how snidey and rude some people's colleagues are! Where I work, lots of us are part time, whether they have children or not, and those who don't have a realistic idea of how hard it is to work and bring up kids. I assumed this was the norm!

I work 3 days a week and have had similar. Especially hate it when people refeer to my "days off". I always correct them: they are days I do not work here and do my OTHER JOB (spend time with my kids). I also refer to the MASSIVE PAY CUT I took to go PT. This usually shuts them up

*refer

Ignore her. Maybe she is jealous that she has no kids. Let it wash over you and smile serenely. One day she may realise what a complete and utter idiot she sounded.

I used to get this ever such alot when I first went PT after having DD. I just used to constantly repeat "yes I am lucky, however part time work means part time pay". Nobody ever mentions it anymore. It is VERY annoying though, I totally agree.