to be tired already of the part-timer comments at work?

[Wheezo]

OK so 2 questions - am I being unreasonable and WWYD

Started a new job post maternity leave doing 4 days a week. Colleague sitting next to me is also new, let's call her Z. Only 5 weeks in and I am already tired of the "oh you're so lucky to be part-time" and "I'd love to have a day off a week to lounge around" comments from her. She has no DC so to her a day at home with a 2 year old appears to involve lying on the sofa watching daytime TV. Am a lone parent so I have to pick my DC up at 6pm from nursery so leave at 5 but I take my laptop home, work every night once DC in bed for an hour or two, don't take lunch generally (went to lunch for the first time last week) and am on my blackberry in the mornings before I reach the office at 9. The job was advertised as part-time as 3 or 4 days and from the spec it seemed to me it was at least 4 days which I chose to do. In reality it is a full-time position and so you just have to pack in as much as possible. I like the job, am paid well, and like the people so no violins necessary and I know everyone working with kids has these pressures and we all cope.

Anyway...have been letting the oh you're so lucky comments wash over me until this past week, sickness has spread through the office like wildfire and people have been taking days off to recover. I've now succumbed but not had any time off work with it because chicken pox is circulating at nursery and am terrified am going to have to take time off work for that so am just dosing myself up. Z has had 3 days off sick in the past 5 weeks for 2 separate illnesses (she started 1 week before me). So another colleague says to me, you're doing well to be in the office (she herself had been off with this same thing for 1 day) and I explained re pox scare and Z pipes up with well you had a day off already this week to be sick (meaning my non-working day) and I said no I haven't and she wanted to argue that my non-working day was in effect my sick day. I just quietly pointed out I don't get paid for not working that one day a week and you do get paid if you take a sick day and left it at that.

So before I get further annoyed by this (a) am I being oversensitive to get so riled by this? (have history of workplace bullying pregnancy & mat leave related so realise I have ishoos) and (2) if not, how can I nip this in the bud in a polite but firm way?

Incidentally, Z is orthodox Jewish and leaves every Friday at 1/2pm to get home before sundown for Shabbat. I would never ever say anything about how lucky she is to leave early because it would be totally inappropriate because to her it is as non-negotiable as me needing to pick my DC up and all I have ever said when she goes is "Shabbat Shalom" (I get oh you're so lucky to leave on time EVERY FRICKIN" NIGHT as well).

Oh and we do not do the same job - I am the only person that does my job so there is no scope for her ever having to pick up any of my work for me. It will just pile up until I get to it.

Thank yo - all sound advice - will try the hmmm yes not so lucky when it comes to the 20% drop in my pay packet and repeat like a broken record every time (which at the moment will be about 3 times a day).

I realise it must be galling for those without kids but I didn't have kids until 34 and have worked since 18 (although obviously not at the same company so counts for nowt in Z's eyes or anyone else's at current work) and when I was in departments that had lots of mums I never begrudged covering/staying late - maybe because I kind of suspected I might be in that position one day myself so not entirely altruistically.

I do work till 7pm one day out of the 4 and every other week I work till 7pm on a friday due to xP picking up DC but I am limited to those times.

If she is very "frum", you might ask her if she doesn't think that what she is saying is Lashon Hara - saying - or implying negative things about someone. It's a very serious sin in Judaism, and if she is orthodox, she will be aware of this. It might make her think a bit and stop her comments. (Google it if you want to know more.)

Hope that helps.

My stock reply was along the lines of "you could have Mondays and Fridays off too, if you wanted the pay cut that goes with it". Now most of them have wised up that it's not time off, it's more full on than work ever gets and financially unpaid.

I agree with the repaet to fade about the pay and maybe add in a I care for my child on the days I don't work. if you are mega bored of it try an 'I find that comment insulting and ignorant'.

YANBU at all - I get this all the time - 'oohh so you're here today then' - I work 3 days a week- 'yes I am always here for my 3 days a week, you may not have noticed as you were off sick/on annual leave/asleep last week' and smile.

I would tend to agree how lucky I was and say how lovely it is to sit on my arse at home doing bugger all all day, watching day time tv / going for lunch / shagging my tennis coach etc.

One of the most deflating things I think you can do in respect of someone who is constantly niggling at you is to agree with them. How much can you argue with someone who agrees with you??

From what you have said, I don't even think you do work part-time!
You are doing a full time job, in 4 days a week, and that is before the childcare.
As a lone parent! Of a baby! (And I for one know what that's like)
You are frikkin superwoman, and she is an idiot.
If I were you, I would tell her this, but then I am not that diplomatic!

I take the piss out of all the full timers at work. They probably hate me.

I would agree with her too - "oh yes, I'm so lucky. Just made good choices I suppose... Don't worry, one day you might be in a position to go part time too!".

I thought looking after a young child would be fairly easy. Lots of time to relax etc.

Then I had dd and realized just how wrong I was. Kids are such hard work, she will only find out how much when she has one. Till then grit your teeth and repeat the fact you only get paid for 4 days a week.

I used to work till 3 each day to fit in with the school run and got this - I would just say to whoever that they were more than welcome to babysit for a few hours while I collected their full time wage. Generally shut them up

I work 0.5 fte, however, what I get tired of is not the "time off" comments (my male colleagues generously admit I must end up working f/t for p/t pay), but the comments that a meeting is scheduled during my non-working time, I am somehow unreasonable not to come in for it! The implication is that on my afternoons off I am sitting at home with nothing better to do - in fact when I finish work, I collect my youngest from preschool, get home, have a late lunch, walk the dog, collect my eldest from school, do homework, tidy/clean house, make dinner, possibly actually get to play with dc's (not as often as would like), have dinner, get dc's ready for bath, get dc's ready for bed, tidy up, sit down for the first time all day around 9.30 pm, restart work around 10pm most days. then work think I should be flexible in terms of working hours??????? how does that work in terms of childcare then?

How about replying with "Oh really? I think you are lucky because all you have to do on a Friday is sit at a desk for a few hours! Just goes to show that you should never judge doesnt it?"

And then...."Well as I said before, ....."

She will soon get bored.

As NowThenWreck pointed out you're doing a fab job, don't let her get you down. It's true that until & unless you have kids you don't appreciate the work that entails - and I count myself in this pre-children but never would have made those comments.

Are there any more sympathetic colleagues nearby you could talk with, especially with children? Not to go complain to them about Z but so they indirectly back up your position: I have a number of male colleagues who are reasonably enlightened dads, of course the mother does the main childcare but they do have some awareness of the workload, and chip in with their own stories / commiseration about sick kids etc. In fact the other day a number of us stood round talking about baby sickness, getting woken up at 3am, juggling halfterm schedules - I noticed some alarmed looks from the non-parents nearby so they were listening .

As I'm the only woman on the team (til my other colleague comes back from mat leave) I do tend to be the go-to person for new dads who need to share some of the shock of parenthood - I'm happy to oblige and it helps to spread the word. Though I am careful not to ramble on - little and often is better.

I realise workplace culture is crucial and am very lucky myself. In fact I just changed roles in January and my new boss has a one- and two-year old so he understands.

ps- do be careful not to overcompensate and work too many hours which it does sound like you're doing -- work what you're paid for and save the rest for your 2nd (fulltime) mum job as you'd probably get the same comments anyways whether or not you work an extra 10-12 unpaid hours per week for effectively a full-time workload; you're setting up an expectation in these first weeks/months at work so needs to be sustainable in the long run, especially as a single mum - take care of yourself

I used to work compressed hours. Fri, Sat and Sunday every week; 07:30 til 9pm and then I'd owe them a few hours a week and then do a 4th day at some point when they needed me during the month. My hours/days enabled an extra staff member to take annual leave on a weekend that they wouldn't normally have been allowed to...I used to get told I was a part timer and it made me very angry!!! part time is not 169 pcm! so YANBU!!

• 169 hours pcm.

Either say "me too. Maybe you could come over on Sunday and babysit dc so I can have one day this year lounging around" or
"would you? I've never been the kind of person to look forward to wasting a day. I much prefer to be productive"

I would be miffed because it could result in others seeing you as a less valuable employee. If anything a quick chat with the head honcho or someone else who is senior who you can talk to. I never go to HR on issues like this but to the partner in charge, who I have on side, as I take my career very seriously and HR don't have enough clout in my office. Obv, I don't know where you work or the office politics..... just don't get sucked into the negativity.

Oh and if someone expects me to work on a day off i tell them I am not available that day and it is very rare that anyone pushes back when I say that. I never tell them its a day 'off' because a 'day off' implies that you are being paid when you are not.

It sounds silly but I work 6 days a week this time of year. I don't want to advertise that I am working a part time schedule during the rest of the year while I study for exams (which I should have passed already).

To my shame I used to do this to a colleague. She was at the other end of the scale, nearing retirement so not a childcare issue. We were and still are really good friends so she knew I was doing it to wind her up but it still must have pissed her off massively. She used to ask me if I wanted her pay packet. Then I went part time after maternity leave... I apologised to her, was very embarrassed about it

When DH was off work after redundancy, he was telling anyone who would listen that he wanted to go back to work "so he could have a rest". These days, I also like to remind him that his clients don't have the tantrums that mine do (and certainly don't physically assult him or follow him into the loo!), and that the shit his lot dish out is only metaphorical.

"Full-timers"? Bloody slackers!

I would say not to get sucked in to listing what you do to look after your kids. It sounds really defensive and petty and you don't know her story - maybe she would have loved to have a baby but couldn't for whatever reason.

Keep it about work - I like princes suggestion - 'part time wages too though unfortunately' ad infinitum.

I work part time and get this all the time. I do the "well you pay the mortgage on what I earn" or ask them if they would like to go clean my house and pick dd up from school while I stay at work .

I earn 20% less than you, repeat x 1000

and mention her early friday, say how lucky she is to get a half day for free!!!!

Incredibly blood annoying. I would never dream of saying this to people who work part time in my office. Just ignore. I wouldn't get in to any discussion about it, not even about part time wages because then you are engaging. It's none of anyone else's business.