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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious dh added his 'father' on Facebook

48 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 20:23

I will try not to drip feed ( and sorry for the 2nd post today )

My dh doesn't know his father, never met him but had 1 phone call approx 3 weeks ago. His father found him via a mutual friend on facebook.

He has pictures of our children, our nieces and nephews.

This isn't a peodo emergency thread, but we do not know this person.

OP posts:
Mumof1plustwins · 23/02/2012 20:26

Firstly your title says your DH added him? So it's his choice
Secondly if they're not friends on FB and you don't want non friends seeing your pictures can't you change your privacy settings?

Casmama · 23/02/2012 20:27

How about instead of being furious and complaining about it on the internet you try and have a sensitive conversation with your dh bearing in mind that having never known his father he may be a little bit excited about having some contact? By all means try and urge some caution but really -furious?

TattyDevine · 23/02/2012 20:27

Sorry but surely it is your DH's decision who he does or does not seek to be friends with on Facebook?

BarbarianMum · 23/02/2012 20:27

Unless you have reason to believe he is abusive in some way, I don't see the problem. My half-brother found me via Facebook and I added him straight away (didn't know him but knew of his existence). Never occurred to me not to - I may not know him, and may never meet him but he is my brother.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 20:38

That is the thing, we know nothing about him.

I don't know if he is abusive, but from what my mil said that was the reason she left him..... But there has been conflicting stories.

I believe my mil as she is a good friend, never has lied to me and I trust her 110%

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 23/02/2012 20:40

Yabu. He is an adult & can choose who he has contact with.

troisgarcons · 23/02/2012 20:55

None of your business who your DH chooses to befriend ...... bit sick of you to make the "not a paedo, but we don't know him' comment though.

ifeelloved · 23/02/2012 20:57

How about being supportive that your dh has found his dad?

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:01

Trios I put that in the op before anyone commented about it

OP posts:
ToothbrushThief · 23/02/2012 21:05

What calamity do you anticipate?

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:06

I have no problem with what ever he decides regarding his father, I have offered to sit in the car outside any place they met, or go with him.

In time if dh want his biological father to meet our children, I would have no problem.

In fact if we knew alittle about him I would have no problem with the Facebook thing.

Of course dh has friends on his Facebook I don't know, but he knows them which makes a big difference

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 23/02/2012 21:10

yes yabu

what, actually, are you worried about?

troisgarcons · 23/02/2012 21:12

+Right

for the functionally illiterate .....

it ....was ....bad .... of ...you ....to ... put ...paedo...and dont know ..... in your ... op

nasty connotation.

boredandrestless · 23/02/2012 21:16

Why are you so bent out of shape about him adding him on FB? Confused

It may be a way they can get to chat and find out about each other in a non-confrontational way? They could message a little on there and might feel more comfortable with that as a first method of contact rather than a face to face meet up?

Why are you so fussed about him seeing pics of your dcs, neices, and nephews?

LilacWaltz · 23/02/2012 21:18

Bloody hell!!
The dc are your dh's too..... You do know that you dint own them don't you? Have some faith in your husband!

edam · 23/02/2012 21:19

OK, I can see this is a big deal for you, but do you normally assume all strangers are 'paedos' until proven otherwise? Bit of an over-reaction there.

FreudianSlipper · 23/02/2012 21:20

if you were that bothered about people you do not know seeing pictures of your children you would not post them on any internet sight as it is common kowledge that nothing is private

sounds more like you are insecure about this new person coming into your dh life

maxpower · 23/02/2012 21:22

Are you questionning your DH's judgement?

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:23

My nieces and nephews is because my siblings has allow us to put them on there after I said both of our Facebook friends we know.

Our dc because I don't want strangers seeing the photo we choose to to share

OP posts:
AlbertoFrog · 23/02/2012 21:24

Privacy settings can be breached.

If you're so worried about people you don't know seeing pictures of your children then don't post them on the internet. Do you know the background of every single facebook "friend"? Some of mine are people I haven't seen since school. Haven't a clue what they've been up to in 20 years.
As for your DH, he has every right to want to know more about his father and it's up to him whether he wants a relationship with him or not.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:25

Also thank you all for you replys, it is good to get other people opinions and views on this

OP posts:
MrsTwinks · 23/02/2012 21:26

if you are so worried about him having access to photos on facebook because you don't know him, then why are there photos online to begin with? even with the highest, most perfect privacy settings in the world, staff at facebook HQ could see them and you don't know them either.

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:26

I have around 20 friends apart from family on my facebook and know all of them

OP posts:
Bellstar · 23/02/2012 21:27

Dont post pictures of your kids on facebook

Original poster
McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:27

I think I have been told iabu, will let it drop

OP posts:
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