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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious dh added his 'father' on Facebook

48 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 20:23

I will try not to drip feed ( and sorry for the 2nd post today )

My dh doesn't know his father, never met him but had 1 phone call approx 3 weeks ago. His father found him via a mutual friend on facebook.

He has pictures of our children, our nieces and nephews.

This isn't a peodo emergency thread, but we do not know this person.

OP posts:

esperance · 23/02/2012 21:29

Having him as a friend on FB means that you can find out quite a lot about him.

thisisyesterday · 23/02/2012 21:29

what will happen if a stranger sees your children's pictures?

you do realise that strangers see your children every time you go out? and probably hear their names, an might see where you live?

this is his dad! he has every right to try and start a relationship with him and if he chooses to do that in part via facebook then why the hell shouldn't he?

i think you need to step back an ask yourself what you are actually worried about.
what do you think that this man might do if he sees a picture of your child? really?

theleanandhungrytype · 23/02/2012 21:33

My nieces and nephews is because my siblings has allow us to put them on there after I said both of our Facebook friends we know.

wow.

DaenerysTargaryenButCallMeDany · 23/02/2012 21:36

Dp recently found his estranged dd on Facebook, we both added her and have got to know her really well and vice versa, it would have been such a shame to miss out on that had she been too worried to add us.

I'm just saying it could be a really good thing but i understand why you feel slightly uncomfortable having assured your family that their pics are 'safe'

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:39

theleanandhungrytype, what is so wow about that.

OP posts:

theleanandhungrytype · 23/02/2012 21:43

It sounds like it has been translated from English into Ancient Greek and then into Basque via Russian and then back to English by someone who only had a Portugese and Urdu dictionary.

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 21:43

also i really hope it works out well, in my head i can imagine DC having a whole new family, perhaps making life long friends this is a whole new positive thing if it works out.

i think i just need to relax it only pictures

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 23/02/2012 21:44

how nasty theleanandhungrytype

AlbertoFrog · 23/02/2012 23:00

Glad you're beginning to see the positives McHappy. It's an extra bit of the family tree that you didn't know much about previously.

Maybe you'll all end up having a great relationship with DH's father. Maybe not. But at least you'll all know you've tried

And if it all goes tits up you can come on here and tell us all it's our fault

DoMeDon · 23/02/2012 23:03

YABU - furious is for things that are important. Uncomfortable with, maybe. Even then it's an overreaction IMO. Glad you're seeing the light about it.

Flisspaps · 23/02/2012 23:13

What I'll add is that once you upload photos to FB, they then become FB property and so aren't 'yours' any more, technically they can then be used by FB for anything - regardless of your privacy settings. if you dont want people you don't know seeing your children's photos, don't put them on the net

GrahamTribe · 23/02/2012 23:19

I hope it works out well for you all. FWIW I have several people on my FB who I don't know in person. They're friends of friends, those who share the same business and charitable interests as me and even some MNers. Nice people but I've never met them. I'm not trusting or naive enough to think that the world is full of wonderfully kind strangers but I'm not over-cynical either. I take the middle ground by not posting anything on FB which I feel could cause a problem - so I don't disclose where I live and so on. All you can do is talk to DH and suggest that he takes the same care until he is content that he wants a closer relationship with his father.

tinkertitonk · 23/02/2012 23:28

"...I have offered to sit in the car outside any place they met..."

You couldn't make this stuff up.

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 23/02/2012 23:40

why is that tink.

I am happy to support my husband. If he was to met in a pub and have a few drinks.....then the meeting became sour i would be there waiting to pick him up.

i may not even be needed to support my husband, but the offer is there.

i could do alot in the car on my own, catch up on my reading, mobile internet, crosswords ect.

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 23/02/2012 23:46

It is good to support your partner. Personally I find sitting in the car park less supportive and more 'whyyyyyyyyyyyy???'

PigletUnrepentant · 23/02/2012 23:51

Ok.. your DH has finally had some contact with his long lost dad, and you are being precious about who may see your children's photos???

Don't ruin the rare opportunity they may have to reconnect and sort many unsolved issues. This is an incredibly important milestone for your DH, I think you are being incredibly selfish and petty (and extremely paranoid too, at the end of the day, your own husband was a stranger just before you met him)

PigletUnrepentant · 23/02/2012 23:54

What? waiting in the car while he meets his dad? how old is your husband? 2 yrs old? or is it that he can't drive?

verityverbiage · 24/02/2012 01:56

Even grown ups need support don't be so mean.

We're forever telling men to let go of their feelings and admit they need help and now we've got people telling this man who hasn't seen his father to man up?

I hope it all goes well OP.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 24/02/2012 02:16

If you would be happy for him to meet your children why do you care he can see their photos on that fucking FB?

PigletUnrepentant · 24/02/2012 20:05

But Verity, do you think a grown up who has not seen his dad in years would find it easy to relax enough to break the ice and have a good conversation, if he knows his not very pleased with the encounter wife is looking at her watch outside of the pub?

Me thinks no... sorry. That's not about support is about CONTROL.

cheesesarnie · 24/02/2012 20:18

i think its nice hes found his dad but would be wary about introducing dc to a stranger until you know hes going to be in their life.
but find the fb thing bit odd.
think youve got it wrong way round tbh.

gordyslovesheep · 24/02/2012 20:22

just don't let him babysit - problem solve

your DH can add who he pleases to HIS facebook account

purpleroses · 24/02/2012 20:32

Assuming your DCs are fully cloted in the photos, why on earth does it matter if he sees them? He's probably quite excited to see what they look like. Pleanty strangers will see your children every time they go to school, the supermarket or anywhere else. They probably appear on school class photos on coplete strangers walls, etc. What's a photo on facebook actually going to do?
It's nice you're close to your MIL - but whatever reason she had for leaving your DH's dad was a very long time ago. I'm sure she'd have told you if he was actaully any kind of risk to your children - sounds like you're just nervous of the changes that it might bring, but starting contat over facebook is not an overly intrusive way of starting a relationship.

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