AIBU to think I'm not just 'fun dad' ?

[MrGin]

I'm an NRP. My dd is 3. I have dd alternate w/e and see her in the week to take her swimming.

My XP made a passing comment about me just doing the 'fun stuff' with dd and my initial response ( internal ) was a bit .

True I'm not the one taking dd to nursery 2 days a week ( despite offering to do so ) , but when dd stays ( she's been here all week ) I cook, bathe , take her swimming, for walks in the countryside, hair dressers if needed, buy her clothes, wash her clothes, get up in the night if she call etc. I'd be perfectly happy to take her to the doctor if she ever needed it.

I could understand if I just turned up and took dd to the zoo and dropped her back at mums. But I do care for and dicipline where needed.

Of course dd is at mums a lot more than with and does take her to classes ( which are quite fun when I've been to them ), I fully appreciate she has the bigger share of looking after dd ( she isn't however very agreeable when I suggest I see dd more in the week ).

AIBU to think it was an unfair comment ? What am I missing ?

( goes off to bath dd and wash up the tea stuff )

If it appears your DD is growing up into a nice little girl, healthy and affectionate, then really you have her mother to thank for that. You are playing your part too of course, but it takes her mother's input as well as yours.

I think you are both seeing the glass half empty here to some extent. She may feel a bit of the usual 'Is this it then?' feeling some people get when they have the income, the place to live, the experience of motherhood; you may be feeling a bit hard done by that you, in contrast to her, have to spend most of your time working and therefore are unable to spend as much time with your DD as you would like.

While Wobbly's comments have been the focus of a bit of umbrage here, some of the comments about the X's lifestyle are leaving me a bit suspicious that there is a little envy of the X despite the acknowledgement that she worked for everything she has acquired and presumably the sharing of parenting time is a legally binding arrangement. When it comes to the allocation of time with the DD, it is what it is (I hate that phrase). The fact is that you both made your beds and you must both lie on them.

Look on the bright side and appreciate the fact that you have this lovely DD and the opportunity to do your best as a dad for her. She is not a prize or a toy to be squabbled over. She needs you to be Dad. She needs her mother to be Mum. The relationship with the X as a partner of yours is over but you are still parents together and for the DD's sake it behoves you both to bury the hatchet, behave honourably, maybe give the benefit of the doubt, assume she is having a bad day as indicated, etc. Nobody is perfect. Nobody is going to say exactly the right thing every single time, or zip it every time they feel like blurting something out. Don't wait for her to get her act together. Do it yourself. You are responsible for your own words and actions and for your own part in keeping up the negative dynamic. Hopefully she will end up doing the same, but in the meantime do what you can yourself to contribute to a positive co-parenting relationship.

doubledare

That is a great post.

get more custody then? seriously, I get so sad that dads get very other weekend. have more time in the week?