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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is "I need a bit of time away from my dcs" a horrible thing to say?

106 replies

GlueSticksEverywhere · 23/02/2012 12:52

Someone on another thread has announced that no parent (even those with PND) should ever need time to themselves and it's a horrible thing to say if you do . . . wondered what others thought.

(apologies for the thread about a thread, not sure if there's a rule against it Smile)

OP posts:
Sevenfold · 23/02/2012 12:53

everyone needs time away from their dc's
tis normal

Trills · 23/02/2012 12:54

No.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you want to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with them.

Trills · 23/02/2012 12:54

Even the nicest people can be irritating at times - just because you grew them yourself doesn't change that.

tanfastic · 23/02/2012 12:54

I'm always saying it. Terrible mother me.

Seona1973 · 23/02/2012 12:55

thats why my dh goes to work!! He probably wishes he worked weekends too

twolittlemonkeys · 23/02/2012 12:56

No, I say it all the time. Sometimes I even say it to them (as gently as is possible when I'm very irritated), when they are really winding me up.

TheCunningStunt · 23/02/2012 12:56

Both of my DCs are away, but one will be back soon. I have had 90 mins of unhindered time to do things that could have taken me twice as long with my youngest at home. I love time away from them! It's healthy and normal IMO

Cherriesarelovely · 23/02/2012 12:57

No absolutely not. I personally think our DCs need time away from us too!

blackoutthesun · 23/02/2012 12:58

oh god no

miaowmix · 23/02/2012 12:58

No, not at all.

valiumredhead · 23/02/2012 12:58

Completely normal.

ProlificYoungGentlemenBreeder · 23/02/2012 13:00

Completely normal!

TreacleSoda · 23/02/2012 13:00

Hmm, thinking about it......I don't necessarily think its a horrible thing to say, but I think its a very modern thing to say, if that makes sense. I think a couple of generations ago there probably wasn't this idea of 'needing time to yourself' you just got on with things. I know when I was a child my mum would never have had 'time to herself' - she never met up with friends, and my parents never went out without us. I think in her generation (she is pretty elderly now) it was just accepted that once you married and had children, your life then revolved round your family, and friends just fell by the wayside.

I'm not saying thats the way it should be, I think we've moved on. But I think the whole 'needing time to yourself' is probably a modern phenomena.

boschy · 23/02/2012 13:01

really, it would be more odd to say "I could NEVER be away from them for any minute of any day" wouldnt it?

well, it would, wouldnt it????! :o:

ChickensHaveNoLips · 23/02/2012 13:01

Nah. Craving a wee in peace is a perfectly normal way to feel.

catgirl1976 · 23/02/2012 13:02

No - perfectly normal

flibbertywidget · 23/02/2012 13:02

God NO. Everyone needs a break.

I cherish me time now. I don't get it often. But I cherish it, like the shiniest, shiny thing you can ever imagine. I covet it. I daydream about having a break and I am WOHM - who doesn't see her kids between 9 and 3pm. And I feel shit about that.

But then I want a break from everything usually and not just the DC's, I want a break from house, work, DP etc.

I dream of floating in the deadsea, weightless, daydreaming about Ryan Gosling, lovingly carressing my non stretchmarked and taut body... ahem, as you were Blush

obviously I am a shit mother

TreacleSoda · 23/02/2012 13:02

er...phenomenon is the singular actually, isn't it?

Devora · 23/02/2012 13:03

That is my default position.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 23/02/2012 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GlueSticksEverywhere · 23/02/2012 13:03

flibberty Grin

OP posts:
Devora · 23/02/2012 13:05

TreacleSoda - I agree with you, but I also think that there used to be very different expectations of how parents engaged with their children. Our mothers and grandmothers worked just as hard as we did, but probably more focused on the household (and their jobs - both mine worked FT) than on interacting with children. The idea that it is mothers' job to entertain, stimulate and educate their children is quite a modern one, I think. Back in the day, kids were expected to entertain themselves.

flibbertywidget · 23/02/2012 13:05

But TreacleSoda - was there more help for your mum? My mum also didn't have a break and she said it was the worst thing ever. She worked FT as a night sister, came home to look after us (DB's x 2 and I), cook, clean etc.

I wonder if 30/40 yrs ago there was more help, generally? extended family?

or are we just more selfish? stressed out in our expectant/perfectionist/competitive society?

hazeyjane · 23/02/2012 13:05

I think it was a bit out of order to take something out of context and start a thread about it - which is probably why people shouldn't really start a thread about a thread.

TreacleSoda · 23/02/2012 13:06

I was on that other thread, and I agree that its not exactly what *MyNameIsn'tFUCKINGWarren' said, or what the poster on the other thread said either. It does change things a bit when its taken out of context like this.