Is "I need a bit of time away from my dcs" a horrible thing to say?

[GlueSticksEverywhere]

Someone on another thread has announced that no parent (even those with PND) should ever need time to themselves and it's a horrible thing to say if you do . . . wondered what others thought.

(apologies for the thread about a thread, not sure if there's a rule against it )

[TreacleSoda]

Birdsgottafly I take your point.

But maybe I'm overthinking things, in that I was thinking of a break from the DC as, for example, leaving them overnight with a grandparent whilst the parents went out. Or meeting a friend for a coffee whilst DH looks after the children (which obviously are perfectly reasonable things to want to do). It never really occurred to me that putting the baby in a pram in the garden would have been the pre 1960s version of me time, but I can see exactly what you mean.

I'm in my mid 30s and looking back to when I was a child, none of my friends ever had sleepovers at GPs or Auntie's houses, or had babysitters whilst their parents went out. (well, one friend at primary school and her parents were much younger and we all thought it oh so exciting that she occasionally had a babysitter ) But others on this thread are saying that their parents did exactly this, so maybe I'm just taking my own experience and assuming it to be the norm when its not.

[Birdsgottafly]

If you ask most people my age for childhood stories, there would be a agood percentage that would be now considered a Child Protection issue.

I can remember being left with cousins, who were teenagers, overnight, whilst all the parents went out for the night. They then drove home in the morning,still drunk,with us piled on the back seat (our car didn't even have seat belts).

In the area that i grew up in,we slept out all over the community, with mainly teenagers in charge. Once a child went to seniour school they were considered to be a semi-adult.

You didn't need baby sitters, you just put all the kids in together and hoped they they would look after each other.

There would be someone with a nan or a "Auntie" (usually just a kind neighbour) whose door we could knock on, if things went pear shaped.

[NeedlesCuties]

Thanks for the link Warren

[SootySweepandSue]

I think it's fine to have a break from your DC but it's not fine to tell them that directly as it could be confusing for them as they don't understand the concept of mental exhaustion. You need to dress it up as they get to have a day out/night at grans/swim with daddy, not mummy needs a break from you.

[COCKadoodledooo]

I went back to work to give me a break from ds2. I love him to bits but at the time he was oh so very trying and we were skinter than skint things on skint day Our relationship is better now, I really appreciate the time I have with him and we enjoy each other's company more.

[porcamiseria]

just work FT , 5 days a week, job done!

[Finallyfinally]

Blimey mistletoe your mum has a spectacular line in guilt-tripping, does she not?!

[NoMoreMarbles]

everyone needs some time out sometimes...i only have 1DD and i NEED time away every so often or i would literally go crazy...its ridiculous for a person to make that kind of statement as it undermines the feelings of the majority of people hwo honestly do need to take a break.

like others have said, it is normal to feel like you need a break from a person, regardless of if you grew them or not.

[EmmaCate]

YANBU. The person on the other thread is unusual but I wouldn't argue with her decision either. It's down to the person; some are far more relaxed than others. Also, there may be history e.g. I know a mother who needed IVF to conceive who would not leave her daughter for ages (like, beyond a year old).

[StealthPenguin]

I actually have PND. Thanks a flippin' bunch to the idiot who said that - make me feel like even more of a shit mother. Cheers.

I really really struggle. I work really really hard to make sure that I spend the good moments with my son, and the bad moments away from him so that I don't yell at him or make things worse.

But I try my best, and that's all I can do. If I don't take a break once in a while, I will end up either hurting DS or hurting myself. Thankfully I have a wonderful partner who is very supportive.

Everyone needs a break occasionally. Must be nice to be so bloody perfect you can look down your nose at everyone else....

[quirrelquarrel]

No, and children needs lots of time away from their parents too. It takes a village and all that kind of thing.

[leftmymistletoeatthedoor]

Finallyfinally - oh yes, its a tried and tested technique.

[ilovebabytv]

YANBU

I dont get the "taken out of context". The other OP said she goes to the gym and it gives her some time away from her dc. (Couldn't give a shite that its paid for by the nhs, thats neither here nor there) so how does this make her any different and somehow bad for having time away from her dc from anyone else?

Personally i dont know anyone who spends all their time with their dc 24/7.

[TadlowDogIncident]

God, no. I am going mental at the moment because I'm at work, or I'm at home being wife and mother, and I never have any downtime. I'd go further than time away from DC: I need time alone to function. In my old job I had my own office so got that at work, but now I work in open plan and I hate it - I think I'm going to have to leave an otherwise good job as soon as I can find a suitable alternative because it's doing my head in being permanently surrounded by people.

[SlinkingOutsideInFrocks]

Believe me, sane parents have always had 'me time'.

It just looked, and was called, something quite different depending on the era.

[SlinkingOutsideInFrocks]

'Me time' probably sounds a bit selfish, indulged and spoilt to a certain sort of martyrish parent. But in actual fact, it's a hell of a lot nicer and more gentle all round - on parent and child - than previous generations' versions.

I'm a 70s child and my mother was a SAHM. She used to meet up with friends sometimes (I only have very hazy pre-school memories) and as a family we used to meet up with other family friends at the weekend. My parents certainly didn't give up their social lives on having a family. I have plenty of childhood memories of big get-togethers, with the Mums and Dads all sitting down in one area, while we kids used to run and make merry in another.

We also used to roam our quiet little street in the weekends with all the other neighbourhood kids.

My Mum and Dad had really food friends with a son and daughter the same age as my brother and I, and we used to take turns to spend the weekend at each others. We thought it was all about us and was a huge treat - it's only since I've had children of my own that I can now see it clearly for what it was - a blessed weekend break for each set of parents!

No doubt in my mind that time away from DCs is a good thing - for all parties.

[Finallyfinally]

There was a thread a couple of months back where a poster was ranting about selfish parents and saying she didn't go out without her children until her youngest was 15. All I could think was what a waste!

[GlueSticksEverywhere]

leftmymistletoeatthedoor I would say no, it isn't. My mum would and does say yes, it is an awful thing to say and I better not even think it or she will guilt trip me until Christmas. Ds is 5, apart from when I had dd the longest I've been without him is 9-6 the other day when out with a friend - dh had them so not as if they were abandoned somewhere - my mum is still going on about it. In fact, when I was pregnant with dd she suggested I just get dh to drop me off when in labour and then come back with ds and 'stop thinking of myself'.

Blimey!

[GlueSticksEverywhere]

StealthPenguin
I actually have PND. Thanks a flippin' bunch to the idiot who said that - make me feel like even more of a shit mother. Cheers.
I really really struggle. I work really really hard to make sure that I spend the good moments with my son, and the bad moments away from him so that I don't yell at him or make things worse.
But I try my best, and that's all I can do. If I don't take a break once in a while, I will end up either hurting DS or hurting myself. Thankfully I have a wonderful partner who is very supportive.
Everyone needs a break occasionally. Must be nice to be so bloody perfect you can look down your nose at everyone else....

Thats exactly how I felt and why I was angry enough to start this thread.

ilovebabytv I dont get the "taken out of context". The other OP said she goes to the gym and it gives her some time away from her dc. (Couldn't give a shite that its paid for by the nhs, thats neither here nor there) so how does this make her any different and somehow bad for having time away from her dc from anyone else? Personally i dont know anyone who spends all their time with their dc 24/7.

Agree, I don't see it's relevant if the person in question is waiting for a council house, gets free gym membership due to her depression or fancies buying herself a new top. She is still a parent with her own needs.

[squeakytoy]

I am in my early 40's and I know my parents enjoyed having a bit of time to themselves now and again when I was a child in the 70's. I went to stay with my grandparents for occasional school holidays, and cousins as I got a bit older too. I loved going away like that, and saw it as a treat for me, not abandonment.

[TheFallenMadonna]

I'm reading Testament of Experience by Vera Brittain at the moment, and there wad a woman, from a few generations ago, who was desperate for time of her own. Only she wanted the time for work. Mind you, she did seem to go on long holidays...

[elizadoulalittle]

My two eldest will be going to their gps for a week in the summer I hope. Do I feel guilty, do I fuck.