Is "I need a bit of time away from my dcs" a horrible thing to say?

[GlueSticksEverywhere]

Someone on another thread has announced that no parent (even those with PND) should ever need time to themselves and it's a horrible thing to say if you do . . . wondered what others thought.

(apologies for the thread about a thread, not sure if there's a rule against it )

[GlueSticksEverywhere]

. . . the gym, it is literally basics only. And it is needed. It is the only time i get away from my little one and her the only time she gets away from hers. We do take them to the park afterwards, before doing whatever we had planned, ie solicitor trips. trips round every possible estate agent, hospitals, doctors etc. And food shopping i suppose too.

That is exactly what she said and I fail to see what's wrong with that.

[flibbertywidget]

so is the issue over how we say it rather than the concept of having time away?

[CremeEggThief]

All human beings need some time alone, some more so than others.

[flibbertywidget]

can someone point us to said Thread?

[MrsHeffley]

I had 3 under 18 months and spent best part of a decade trying to have a family.Believe me I needed time away from them,still do now and again.

Not sure being a mummy involves being permanently welded to them,so shouldn't mums work then?

You don't loose your brain when you have dc,it's healthy to have time apart.

[hazeyjane]

Gluesticks, I meant the context of the whole thread. But please don't cut and paste that here, mumsnet might run out of room!

[flibbertywidget]

Oh FFS - I am almost talking to myself on MN. I am off outside to do some housework eat cake, work from home.

[TreacleSoda]

flibbertywidget no, I don't really think my mum had more help. She was balancing bringing up her own family with looking after her own elderly parents, and my dad worked all hours, she hardly saw him. My mum had a decent job (teacher) but gave it up as it was no longer viable after her 3rd child.

But as Devora says, I think it is a modern concept that a mother has to be all things to her family. I said on another thread here the other day that I have no recollection of my parents ever reading bedtime stories to me, and I would add that they didn't play with me. But did I have an unhappy deprived childhood? No, not at all, I was loved and well looked after, but I was pretty much just left to get on with things.

Having said all this, I do think it is perfectly normal to enjoy a bit of time to yourself.

[CremeEggThief]

Very well put, devora.

[AnaisB]

I haven't seen the original thread so no comment on that, but I agree with Devora. My gran didn't get leisure time to herself, but she wheeled the kids to the bottom of the garden in the pram while she got on with things.

[SuddenlyAtHome]

I was a bit knackered the other day and my mum took my DD out for an hour. She said "don't feel guilty, when you were her age (nearly 2) you would've been out playing with your cousins half the day and I was having a fag and a coffee with your aunties and your nana" :)

It's not horrible, though I wouldn't say it in my DD's hearing.

[elizadoulalittle]

I must be the worlds worst mother becuase I say and have space from my dds as often as possible Really why do some people talk such shite?

[ChaoticAngel]

Sometimes I need some time away from people be they adult or child.

[leftmymistletoeatthedoor]

I would say no, it isn't.

My mum would and does say yes, it is an awful thing to say and I better not even think it or she will guilt trip me until Christmas. Ds is 5, apart from when I had dd the longest I've been without him is 9-6 the other day when out with a friend - dh had them so not as if they were abandoned somewhere - my mum is still going on about it. In fact, when I was pregnant with dd she suggested I just get dh to drop me off when in labour and then come back with ds and 'stop thinking of myself'.

[AngryFeet]

I disagree treacle. My parents had quite a bit of time out from us, we went to her mums overnight or on weekends fairly regularly. I also have lots of friends now who never really have a break from their kids and find it frustrating. I am very lucky that my DH, mum and mil are always happy to give me a break so I can go out or so DH and I can go away for a weekend. My mum calls me up to say we want to take the kids away for a few days so you can have a break. I am very lucky but I think her mum was the same with us.

[AngryFeet]

Oh yes and we lived in a street full of kids when I was younger so we spent most of our time in their houses and gardens or playing in the allotments behind my house. My parents barely saw us!

[flibbertywidget]

Treacle - yes I agree, my mum was the same. Although my mum tried to be perfection mum personified and read, make playdough etc, However we also played outside from a very young age, unlike today. I remember just taking off for hours from about the age of 4, sheer bliss. I wasn't neglected unloved, but it was safe to go out and run and play. I miss that for my kids.

I will add, that my mum is convinced that her working FT, raising kids as a single parent and trying to do it all is why she is now at 72, in poor health.

She does think mums should have "me time" - she is always on at me to take a break and slow down. So I agree with you and Devora

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

warren "I still do think saying 'I need to get away from my DC' is a fairly horrible and bald way of stating things though."

It is indeed a very bald way of putting things.

How is it horrible?

[ScaredyCate]

I'd just typed a reply to the question in the title, but I hadn't realised that it was really about that thread.

[NeedlesCuties]

A thread about a thread? I would like a link to the first thread, please.

I notice how this is pretty much all mothers we are talking about, not fathers. That is curious Bet you wouldn't get a bunch of men on a forum talking about this.

I think needing time away from DC is normal, as is just generally needing time to oneself as a singleton, childless person.

I'm a SAHM so I do feel this keenly sometimes, but I never feel bad for feeling it.

[aquashiv]

No its not a horrible thing to say and nor is it horrible to wish to spend every waking moment with your children.
However I like to give my children and I opportunity to miss each other. It does us all good.

[redbunnyfruitcake]

Good God if I didn't get away from my child at times there would be some kind of crime committed. Who is so saintly that they never get pissed off with them? In fact I have my DD go into nursery so we get a break from eachother. I think we appreciate eachother a whole lot more after a break.

[Birdsgottafly]

"I think a couple of generations ago there probably wasn't this idea of 'needing time to yourself' you just got on with things."

Read pre 1960's childcare books. Mothers were told to put the baby outside in the pram and even feed them outside.

Routines were stricter, children's emotional needs were not considered.
I am in my fourties, we were thrown out of a morning and went back at teatime, during the school holidays.

Parents were not expected to carry out the type and quantity of childcare that they do now. You were kept clean and fed (well mostly).

Your marriage came before the children, extended family and close friends played a bigger part in each others lives, with children sleeping and playing together more informally than they do now.