to hack into his facebook account

[feelingfaraway]

The situation: currently living in different countries from my partner, father of my 2.5-yr-old DS. Plan always been that he comes here in June. Communication not easy, as he lives in a remote area. Relationship not fantastic anyway, possibly just been trying to keep it together for the sake of the family. Love each other, but not so much passion there these days. Have had surprisingly little communication from him in the last three weeks. Finally skyped today and it was a bit stilted, something seemed odd. Checked his emails (he doesn't know I have the password). Found a woman's phone number he's emailed himself, and a facebook notification from the a woman with the same name just saying Blahblah has sent you a message: "I miss you".

Unfortunatley, facebook doesn't keep emailing the whole conversation, so his reply and the ensuing conversation is something I'm not likely to know unless I hack into his facebook, for which I don't have the passport.

Only way I can do this is to get facebook to send him a new password to his email (which I will use once, then delete all sign of). I could then read that conversation.

However, when he tries to log in to facebook again he wouldn't be able to.

What to do :( confront him and admit I have his email password? check facebook?

Feeling... sick. actually.

your relationship has absolutely no hope. snooping in his emails and stalking him on facebook wanting to hack into it. It isn't a great sign tbh

My DP did this to my last night, there was nothing to find. I found out this morning when looking for a link for work on the history. It's really hurt my feelings, I'm not saying you shouldn't just take into account it will hurt his feelings

As long as you can deal with both:
A) finding out he is cheating on you and has been lying to you, possibly for a long time.
B) finding out it is innocent and realizing you invaded his privacy for nothing.
C) not finding any proof but still haaving suspicions and losing the moral high ground.

Then go for it. As Nietzsche pointed out, morality is the mentality of a slave.

Just be aware as well, I have my facebook set up so every time someone logs into it it sends me a text to notify me. If he has that set up then he'll know what's going on straight away.

I don't think anyone has mentioned if you try to get into his FB from another country than usual it WILL put his account on temporary block and it WILL send him an email saying 'Your account has an attempted login from X country, is this ok?'

This is true cos I've had the emails when logging in abroad. My account wasn't blocked though.

But it's a bad idea anyway. Makes you look like the stalking nutter and won't endear you to him.

Just have that conversation.

Oh, and I brought up my son alone from 6 months old, his dad is also abroad.
In my case it was definately the better option and he has certainly not suffered from it. (20 now and at uni).

You need to speak to him, not snoop on him, I'm sorry.

Thanks all. I haven't looked yet. It's hard to communicate by phone with him, and with the time difference I couldn't wait. So I've just sent him an email to say that things seemed strange on skype and that his lack of communication, lack of effort to get to a computer to talk to me in almost 3 weeks etc make me think that there's something we need to talk about. I've given him the option to call me and fess up now. I guess, if he says there's nothing he wants to say, then maybe I'll not be able to resist looking on his facebook.

I know it'll send an email saying his password's been changed etc, but I have access to his emails so I can get rid of that. Yes, he won't be able to log in and will have to apply for a new password, but to be honest, if it turns out he has been seeing someone else AND lied to me when given the chance to come clean, I won't give a toss about admitting I checked. If there's nothing there... well, that's my problem isn't it. I know I'll find something though.

Unfortunately, I don't have the willpower not to look, even if I know how entirely fucked off I'd feel if I found he'd been checking mine. But then, I wouldn't cheat on him :(

Cly, how do you set that up?

Facebook does it automatically via location of IP you are connecting from

Do you know the OW? (if she is an OW I mean, sorry I don't want to put thoughts in your head). Could you create a fake profile, find some of her friends with hundreds and hundreds of friends, friend them, then friend this woman? As it will say you have friends in common she'd be more likely to accpet You could get general info on them that way maybe? Also maybe their profile is not private

not that I think thats the right thing to do necessarily.

My mum logs onto my fb from her house and I never get an email telling me. Although I might have disabled it, unknowingly, cos it used to drive me nuts getting an email every time anyone commented on my fb.

It's in account settings - so you go to Account from the main menu bar at the top then Security in the menu on the left once your in the account screen. Then you enable login alerts. You can enable it to only let you log in from a new computer after getting a code via text alert, but that tends to be a massive pain.

Thanks, will have a look at mine now.

How did it go far?

I would check it or it would drive me crazy, i'd change the password then i would delete all emails about the password change. Hope you are ok OP

I hate to say it but if you're considering this then there are problems in your relationship regardless of whether he's cheated or not. A relationship cannot survive without trust, if you go this route then regardless of the answer you should end it now. Because you'll never trust him, even if you find nothing untoward this time you'll do it again. And again. Believe me I've seen several people start this way.

If you do this be prepared:

1. Either he's cheating you'll have to deal with that and confessing to snooping-lack of trust on your side, betrayal on his
2. He's not cheating, you're paranoid but you have o confess to snooping- lack of trust on your side and he will prob see it as a betrayal and violation of his privacy.

I would never say this is right but I could understand (and this is a very specific circumstance) if he was making you feel crazy by continually denying and you were planning to end the relationship anyway- it would still be wrong violating privacy but for closure and the sake of your sanity I wouldn't say it was unreasonable.

YABU and YANBU. I would understand either way to be fair.

Whatever you do be prepared for the consequences. If you acces his FB, I'm sure you're prepared to have your suspicions proved, which could mean the end of the relationship. But what if you're totally wrong? It could stil prove to be the end of the relationship.

If you're prepared for the end regardless then go ahead.

You've done the right thing to email and ask. I guess my next step, if it were me, would be dependant on what his response is.

I agree with Mia guilty or not, there's a problem here. If you act upon this you may find the truth, that truth maybe be that suddenly you become the person guilty of something. Is it a chance you're [prepared to take and take responsibility for? If so, do it. If not... well, I guess your relationship is doomed anyway.

HOPEFULLY what will happen is a row, and a renewed effort for each other. I personally think its a chance worth taking.