To be sad so many folk are rude / unpleasant?

[Whiteybaby]

Ok I realise I may be about to sound like a sanctimonious old woman!! I promise I'm not but DH is watching various sports on tv and I have been thinking about this all day!

There have been a couple of incidents recently where I have seen people acting massively rudely and / or aggressively towards others. Nothing life threatening but unpleasant none the less. One example was a young lad (maybe 9?) who was jumping around and jeering in front of a lady who was just walking minding her own business! Another a speeding van who when waved at to slow as children around gave a pretty offensive wave back of his own!

I just think its pretty sad as a mum of two young kids that some people think this is ok and that this is how life is now? I was brought up in a small rural community as a kid and taught to be thoughtful and kind towards others. We all seem so self focussed these days. What do you do as a parent to ensure that your children become the kind of people you would like them to be??

I agree - an (8?) year old boy brutally shoved his way past my DP and 18month old DD - and sent her flying - at the park the other day.... he tried it again minutes later and I was rather pleased to see my DP strategically block his way and completely ignore the resulting expletives until the little oik darling child thought to ask nicely...at which point he was let through.

I would be forlorn if I had failed my child so miserably that she didn't know how to do the basics (please, thank you, not snatch, not push past people).

This is something I rant about regularly, i cannot understand why folk get so irate do they never do anything wrong? like when you pull out a bit too far but stop, or get in the wrong lane and indicate to move and someone in the nearest car is purple with rage wtf... perspective people. no one is dead there has been no collision, no threat of anything just someone asking to move lanes cos they made an error, and other similar situations when an apologetic smile or a sorry should be enough.

YANBU

Funnily enough, I was thinking about this while reading the Adele thread - some people seemed to think she shouldbe admired for her agressive gesture at the Brit awards last night. Of course, she had every right to be pissed off, but things happen every day at my work that piss me off, and if I was to start swinging my middle finger about, I'd be disciplined!
It's all this plain spoken / "I'm only being honest" nonsense that we're supposed to admire. When did being rude trump being polite?

stepaway I totally agree. I was trying to pull out of a horrible junction the other day onto a very slow moving (20 mile limit) road. The woman coming the other way let me out and as I passed her I mouthed "thank you" and smiled to which she stuck up 2 fingers and frowned at me!

Am stupidly delighted to have replies AIBU is a scary place . Glad to hear its not just me though. I know I certainly seem to repeat a litany of "please, thank you, share nicely" etc but I so want my children to have some respect and care about others.

Last week we were in the local park and the police helicopter was hanging around (I promise I live in a "naice" middle England town!) and a group of lads decided perhaps they were being watched and moved off but while making machine gun movements towards the heli?? Ffs have we suddenly moved into the Bronx??? What happened to a bit of respect folks!!

Cross posted with many as bloody iPad keeps changing my words but cherries' your story made me chuckle.. That's exactly what I am talking about!!

i was thinking this just today. i have recently started working in a call centre and i cannot believe how rude some people are. Today someone called in having had a missed call from our companies phone number and without any information launched into 'someone there's called me who was it?' he didn't even say his name. When i explained there were hundreds of members of staff on numerous floors and i couldn't possibly find out, but if it was important i was sure they would call again, he swore and hung up on me.

I don't know why people behave so appallingly. I get barged daily on the train. People seem to purposely drop doors on people. Almost everyone i encounter is unpleasant and has some kind of 'attitude' of defiance. Like they can't be nice as it would show weakness or something. Very depressing.

Oh and dropping litter... Why is it ok now to drop it where you like my front garden? Who do they think will pick it up? When I was at school you were banned from eating when walking along the street!! Ok I am now definitely starting to sound like my mum!!

I'm nice! Lots of people are. Honest.

There were a couple of moody looking pre-teens sitting moodily on the swings at the park last week when DD wanted a go. She was too scared to ask. I just asked nicely if they would mind if DD had a go as we had to leave in a minute. I got 'Oh yes, of course, sorry we didn't know she wanted a go!' and they were lovely to DD as well.

You can see horribleness all round you but it might not always be there.

(Apart from in my Year 9 class. They really are horrible )

YANBU - there is a lack of social responsibility, expectation on the individual and an ever increasing sense of entitlement. Some people feel they have the 'right' to be unpleasant, angry, to express themselves.

We all need to be accountable to ourselves. I think there is a tendancy toward low self esteem, self confidence, which makes the individual project that self loathing. Appropriate adult behaviour is becoming the exception instead of the norm.

If it's unpleasant you are after get down to the Under 10 football matches at the weekend. The parents are just . To their own kids. other people's kids, the ref, the other parents......

I think I am a nice person, and I do get when I don't get treated the same.

i think there is an attitude of 'why should i do anything for anyone unless there is something immediately in it for me'. I think it is the opposite of low self esteem domedon , i think it is a massively inflated feeling of self importance - like everyone's a star in the making. I think it's the blurring of self awareness and 'oprah' type therapy where everyone is painfully aware of how they are feeling and their own needs without any empathy with anyone else. We are a culture of social onanists.

Spuddybean, love the 'social onanists' and will use it at the first opportunity. In fact, next time I'm on the receiving end of the type of behaviour described on this thread I will shout 'Social onanist' at the perpetrator. That'll confound them. Or perhaps they'll think it's a compliment.

I understand where you are coming from spuddy but I do think that having healthy self esteem means you treat others well. You have respect for yourself and behave in a way that is conducive to maintaining inner harmony.

'painfully aware of how they are feeling and their own needs without any empathy with anyone else' - I agree with that - there seems little about in terms of ability or responsibility for owning those feelings and changing their behaviour to make themselves happy.

Social networking, texting, all that keeps people seperate - dealing with (or not) themselves - more interaction means more chances to face up to the individual need to adapt/grow/change

A few weeks ago I was crossing the road with my DCs (9 & 12 so not toddlers). I always ensure they cross safely, but tell them not to run in case they trip and would be more likely to get run over.

While we were crossing, a car approached at speed-it was well back when we started across- and didn't slow up even though there's speed bumps.
I held up my hand to ask him to slow down and got an angry faced mouthed expletives and hand gesture.

Not a boy racer, but a middle-aged man

Driver: I hope you fucked your suspension on the bumps and left your exhaust lying on the road you inconsiderate prat.

DoMeDon I think you are right about healthy self esteem leading to treating others well. But I generally think, like Spuddy has said, that people who are rude and unpleasant have an overinflated self of their own importance, not a poor one. (see Adele for a perfect example really!). In my experience, people with poor self esteem tend to like to slink away off into a corner somewhere and draw no attention to themselves....

YANBU. At all. I cut another car up on a roundabout the other day - no collision, no near miss, car had to brake, my mistake totally - did a sorry gesture in my mirror. The other car pulled up alongside me and the driver opened his windown and called me every name under the sun - fucking stupid cunt accompanied by lots of v signs . Sad thing was, the car contained at least 3 primary school age children...

I generally find people to be pleasant. I do live in a rural area, but was in London recently with a massive suitcase and the kids. People were very helpful, offering to help me carry it down steps and so on. I do find that helpful people hugely outnumber the people with a misguided sense of their own entitlement.

cbem do you mean the sort of people who sneer at others for using the wrong cutlery etc?

or do you mean those on this thread who are talking about trying to be polite and teach their children to be too?

I've read your post a few times and I'm not sure which you are referring to. Or is it both?

And actually, I generally find people to be mostly pleasant and helpful too. But sadly its the minority who aren't that really stick in your head.

I understand what you mean cbem and I agree.

Unfortunately I see far too many parents let their children get away with awful behaviour - I am amazed that thy don't tell them off when they are rude, inconsiderate etc. No wonder so many people grow up so fucking rude!