To think there is no point in parents' evenings

[GooseyLoosey]

I have mine tonight and I already know that nothing useful will be said.

I will be told that dd is quiet and polite and doing OK. In reality she keeps her head down and only understands about 50% of what is going on. I have said this on many occasions to little avail. She is in a large class and as she is no trouble, there is little time to spend on her.

I will be told that ds is bright and a pleasure to have in the class. In reality he has social issues which make him desperately unhappy, is the subject of persistent bullying and is often bored. None of this will be spoken of and even if it was, the teachers are stretched as it is and seem unable to do anything.

I suspect that the majority of parents will have similar experiences and there is little genuine exchange of concerns or perspectives so what on earth is the point? I say this broadly liking my children's school and thinking that their teachers are doing a good job. This is not a teacher bashing thread but a comment on the fact that the English seldom say what they mean and I am not in the mood for more platitudes.

whoops - 'with teaching him or her'

I've spoken to the teacher about the under radar thing - especially when I found out how large the class was. It hasn't made much difference. My DM had similar with DB and me and her telling us to speak up made no positive difference to my behavior. Interestingly both of us were later dx with dyslexia.

I'm ending up trying to do a lot with DS at home when he tried from school.

Hopefully a different teacher may make a difference - if not a move is looking likely so a change of school may be in the future.

Parents evening they still exist our school shuts down for the day for consultations[ no worries about a hundred letters of application if want a long week end as a family and want monday off] Miss a days school to be told what any parent should know as surely we would not wait for one day to air any problems etc do it as come up . And the bloody teacher said why don't you tell your mum your targets had to tell her I do know we do bloody communicate!!! And what is the point of seeing tutor and not individual subject tutors

I wish your son all the luck in the world in his entrance exam, GooseyLoosey and that both your children quickly find a far better school than they have now. So often you can't undo the effects of bullying, they continue long after childhood's past and the effect is felt way away from the schoolroom and imho it's important to act swiftly to avoid that happening.

Goosey I think mine would have been under the radar for most parts and even the clowning about would have been brushed aside if the teachers hadn't realised right from the beginning that we were parents 'that care' What I mean by that is we have been questioning right the way through and pushing for good behaviour and feedback.

(How much homework have you set? Ok he hasn't handed homework in for several weeks now, what are you doing about it and why haven't you told us? Ok so he acted like a clown in November and it is January now. Why are we just finding out about it? They are the more memorable points we have asked!!!)

I worked with kids and families that went to the same school as the DSs' and there are families that really don't give a shit about the childs education whether that is through school work or attendance. I think once we were seen as parents who were on board with the school and prepared to challenge the teachers took note.

Goosey if you have the 'hard evidence' that she is not completing work etc then maybe you just need to push harder for feedback and some action? I think it's often the case of who shouts loudest gets the attention (both in the classroom and out!). Obviously not the ideal way but no will will stand up for your children but you. I can't see how they can argue that she is doing fine if her books are showing that she is regularly only getting 30% in maths for example?

What do you actually want the school to do? Reassess what group she is in? Give her more consolidation work at home? Give you some guidance so you can work with her at home? Maybe get some books from WHSmith to go over specific areas that she has not 'got' yet? I know it's irritating that they go to school all day and you still have to do so much at home, but IME if there's a problem it's often you who has to sort it out.... as they just don't have the resources.

This is not a teacher bashing thread but a comment on the fact that the English seldom say what they mean and I am not in the mood for more platitudes

Are the teachers in the school all English?

I find it's more of a 'teacher thing' personally because the South African, Canadian and Australian teachers in my DS's school are exactly like that too.

Better - I have no idea what I can ask them to do for dd. I guess I expect them to have ideas. She does now see a tutor outside school to try and improve her confidence. Her SATS levels did not go up in a whole year and they still said everything was fine.

Ds is afraid to sleep at night because he thinks someone will come and murder us. No one can stop this as no one can stop.the boy at school.

I am just not in the mood for there everything is fine comments and being nice back.

Should have said, you are right hels, it is a primary school.

That's disappointing worra, my SA and US friends are much more direct than me so assumed it wad partly a cultural thing. Everyone being nice.

Ahh but are they teachers?

One example would be that if I were talking about a child's bad behaviour, I'd call it naughty.

A teacher would probably call the behaviour 'challenging'

That's what I mean about it being more of a 'teacher' thing imo

Perhaps I need a manual on interpreting platitudes. What a waste of time.

My goodness, DC's schools are nothing like this.

We get lengthy and interesting discussions with each teacher. We get told what our DC are doing, how they're getting (including their placing within the class) and what they need to do to improve.

If that doesn't happen and the teachers are not saying what they want to say, and the parents are not hearing what the need to hear...well there is no point whatsoever.

Well then - ask them what ideas they have. How they plan on introducing them in to the lessons. And when you will go i to review them.

You also seem to be muddling a number of issues and it will be easier to focus on one thing at a time. Are you saying that your son thinks someone will come in and murder you all because of the bullying at school . If so, then they need to know how much this is affecting him. How old is he? What is happening that is making him think he will be murdered?

Take 5 minutes now to go and practice what you want to say in front of the mirror! Make notes. That way you can be sure you won't say something you regret, but also will make sure you don't leave having forgotten to mention something that is relevant.

Goosey How 'experienced' are the teachers. I don't mean to generalise, but when I was a very new teacher I used to dread parents evening, to the point that I was physically sick before all five in my first year teaching. I basically lacked the confidence to say anything negative to parents as I felt unable to deal with any challenging questions that may be fired back at me etc. Now I am more confident in my own ability as a teacher I feel more confident in having honest discussions when I feel there is a problem. I agree with going in with a list of questions to ask the teacher. If you feel you are getting no-where with the class teacher is there someone else you can make an appointment to see? I know at secondary level the head of upper/lower has appointments to address wider concerns. I am sure there would be something similar at primary level. I agree with whoever it was that said about arranging a follow up meeting. I will always do this if there is an issue I need to investigate after parents evening just to keep the parent in the loop and touch base.

I do find parents' evening useful and DS's teachers are prepared to tell me positive and negative things. DS's History told me that DS was the worst in the class at History.

OP, it sounds to me that the problem is with the school rather than the parents' evening, and you should be considering other schools.

yanbu. I only know this because my year 3 DD has recently started at a new school (outstanding ofsted) and they have surprised me cmpletely by telling me she is behind in a ouple of things and then eplaining how they plan to get her to where she should be.

I was as according to her old school she was just fine!

A good school should be on top of the quiet under acheivers JUST as much as the troublesome ones.

I hate parents' evenings and absolutely cannot abide the teacher. She is always late for all occasions, looks like she has been dragged through a hedge backwards and never seems to know what is going on in her own classroom. The only children she seems interested in are her own, who always win weekly awards as all the other parents' cringe. A shame really, because they are not bad kids.

At the last parents evenings, her disinterest almost sent me to sleep. She couldn't find any of his work for around five minutes (that he is proud of). When I said I was a bit concerned about his handwriting, she showed me a piece of "his" work which she said she had had to give a low mark to. It wasn't even his work, it had the name of another child in his class at the top of the work.

I was shocked and didn't mention it til the next day. The response was that it was no wonder it looked bad, having been written by the other child. So much for confidentiality.

Find them very helpful. When we have had an issue, have made a separate appointment to deal with that issue. DH and I do prepare questions as it can sometimes lack structure. Some individuals can be a little wishy washy I think that is when they don't really know DD. Ten minutes is not very long at all.

Well I went and was not disappointed. It was a waste of time. Looked at dd's books and said to teacher that she clearly has no clue what is happening. mmm they said, perhaps we need to give her ta support. i pointed out that they had agreed to do that in september. honestly,what is the point.

Ds's teacher says he is an exceptional child but complacent because he thinks he can already do all of the work. Can he i ask? Well, yes she replies. At that point I long for a bucket to stick my head int

Oh dear Goosey,I think you are probably
right to look elsewhere .

This isn't a teacher bashing thread

Take your children out if you are so unhappy. What are you waiting for? If it were a restaurant you were unhappy about you wouldn't go back. Your children's education is far too important.

Dd1 parents evenings used to go like this (she has now left school )
L is a lovely girl who gets on with her work and is a pleasure to teach , In reality L was/is painfully shy seems to have a social phobia and was terrified to speak up in class , YANBU Parents evenings can be important to parents but i do feel IME that it was a waste of time Because L wasnt throwing chair across a room and causing a fuss she was ignored and seen as a good pupil ,

DD2 has learning difficulties and struggles but again she is quiet and tries her best , thats the standard parents evening sigh

You really need to pursue the issue re your DD's need for TA support. I would be speaking to the teacher at least weekly until that was in place in your shoes.

I think the issue with your son is much easier, just ask teacher to supply some more challenging work and stay on top of it by speaking to her if he is still not stimulated.

If you push hard on both issues it will be easier for teacher to do it than to keep dealing with you. Don't accept fobbing off ask why it hasn't been done and get a clear date in near future for when TA support will begin etc.