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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to have a good cry, because yet again I had to drag my screaming toddler out of play group?

38 replies

sleepsforwimps2010 · 21/02/2012 15:41

its probably because im tired that im bothered today, but ever week its the same!
im 20 weeks pregnant and under strick docs instructions not to lift, but ds is 22months old and loves going to a play session at our local childrens centre.
problem being, cant get him to leave! he screams and goes 'limp' when its time to head home.
ive tried talking, bribing everything I can think of.
today I just had to half drag half dangle him by his arms to get him through the door. ( which im sure counts as lifting).
I dont want to stop taking him, I was hoping by sticking with it he'd get better but today I could really have a good cry.....
aibu to keep him in his room now till hes in his teens?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/02/2012 15:45

Feel for you OP - my DS used to be absolutely terrible at leaving places, I used to have to pick him up, pop him under my arm and go!! Very embarrassing, annoying and tiring!

He will grow out of it...my DS was quite old though, prob about 4 or 5 maybe so just hang on in there, it will get easier as he gets a bit older.

whackamole · 21/02/2012 15:48

Mine love to do the boneless thing when they don't want to do something.

I was sliding one around Tesco by his reins only a couple of days ago. My advice - get some reins!

Whirliwig72 · 21/02/2012 15:49

I had this too. It's horrid. I know you probably don't want to impose but can you get one of the other mums / playground helpers to help you get him into the buggy? Sometimes they are so shocked when a stranger asks them to do something that they just comply. It will get better I promise. Trying to manhandle a toddler when youve got a big bump to contend with is not fun. If its any consolation it's a lot easier when baby arrives as everyone then offers to help (ime).

Pandemoniaa · 21/02/2012 15:50

When I was pregnant with ds2 I remember thinking that all these strict no lifting instructions were all very well but my doctor didn't have a toddler who was King Tantrum. So I'm afraid that I mainly ignored instructions or we'd never have gone anywhere.

Original poster
sleepsforwimps2010 · 21/02/2012 15:51

thanks, I do except its a stage most go through, but he's heavy and large for his age ( about 15kg and over 3ft. his dads really tall).
its the no lift thing! I had just been carrying him off and after a few feet he calms down and will walk again.
but now he wont walk, ive been told not to lift him. short of getting him on a skate board and rolling him out im short of ideas!

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 21/02/2012 15:56

Reins. I strongly recommend reins!

BluddyMoFo · 21/02/2012 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 21/02/2012 16:05

Been there, done that. Usually it involved the wooden Thomas train set they used to have in ELC. Angry Always had to put him under my arm and charge for the exit. One time he hit me in the face as I was running. Blush He's 12 now and lovely on the whole.
Sometimes I bought him something to get out of the shop

Original poster
sleepsforwimps2010 · 21/02/2012 16:07

I've tried giving count downs, but he just seems oblivious to what I talking about! he'll be 2 in about 7 weeks and seems to be learning more words daily, so im really hoping when his language skills catch up a bit he might be able to understand a bit more?? really wishful thinking maybe....
im def going to try reins though.

OP posts:
emdelafield · 21/02/2012 16:21

I remember those days. I was always mortfied because I felt I was the only one in the world with a toddler who would not leave the playgroup/park/party.
This made me panic more and DS1 could sense this and acted accordingly (ie worse).

I think the problem is that toddlers know the good times are over for now but have no way of knowing that they can come back tomorrow/next week/whatever.

As they get older you can apply reason/logic/bribes and I think distraction and the element of surprise (what's that over there? as someone puts him in the buggy for you)can work wonders. Once we were underway in the buggy the crying usually stopped.

DS1 is 19 now and still hates to leave a good party but I am tucked up in bed oblivious.

Good luck. It will get better.

tralalala · 21/02/2012 16:23

keep up with the count downs,and make as little fuss about it as you can.

don't talk about him being a nightmare before or after or during the event.

be matter of fact, dont' show how annoying it is.

at this age they love any drama and will do anything to repeat it.

FannyFifer · 21/02/2012 16:29

When DD starts that crap I just pick her up over my shoulder and off we go.

Sparklingbrook · 21/02/2012 16:30

Yes, but the OP has been told by Doctor not to lift Fanny.

Anchorwoman · 21/02/2012 16:37

DS is 3 and has been through a phase of this recently. I'm 35wks pg and he thinks he can try it on because he knows I can't wrestle with him now if he physically goes limp or throws himself down. Have you tried pretending to leave? Calmly state that you are going to count to 3 and then go. Say that when all the other children leave he will be left on his own. Then count to 3, turn around, walk away and resist all temptation to look back or speak again until you are safely hidden around a corner out of sight! Sometimes works and DS will come legging it after me wailing not to be left, sometimes it doesn't work and he just gets up and rejoins the fun....

Original poster
sleepsforwimps2010 · 21/02/2012 16:42

had tried the 'im leaving thing' but that made me feel even worse! he wasnt remotely bothered! it was a real 'go then! im building a sand castle anyway...'
now ive calmed down it doesnt seem quite as traumatic, I may even try again next week........

OP posts:
maydaychild · 21/02/2012 16:42

Do you have the buggy with you? Might be beneficial.
I think you need to do more explaining to him
DS is 19m. Understands every single word I say. I don't understand every noise he makes though.

Start the night before, very simple, very quick - Ooh playgroup tomorrow. How exciting, you love playgroup.
Next morning - repeat. Followed with, mummy doesn't want the tantrum when its time to go home. Do you understand? (my DS nods at me when I ask this!)
If you are a good boy you can have a special treat in your buggy (mine think blueberries are sweets, but by all means, go down the choc button route)

Then you give him count down timer during session. Remind of special treat only once or twice.

Then when you go in for the kill - ask him to get in his buggy for home time and special treat.
And absolutely NO treat and a short sharp reason (think Super nanny - no button because you had a tantrum and would not climb in your buggy) after you forced him in with gritted teeth. Then don't talk to him at all.!

mummymeister · 21/02/2012 16:43

try and get a few other mums/the helper at the group to be on your side. they do this often when you are pregnant not sure why but had it twice with each of mine. reins are fab definately try them. bring in the stroller and ask someone to help you put him in and lock him into it then walk out. when mine were being a real pain, i used to wheel them in to playgroup in the pram and make them stay in it until they promised they would be good when they left (the inference being they would stay in there until they promised) you can always try the walking out technique if you have a few mums/helper on your side too. as others have said they want drama, they crave attention so give as little as possible. as for locking them in as a teenager. want to do a swop my 14 yr old DD for your 22 month old? Smile

Aniseeda · 21/02/2012 16:43

I'd be tempted to use some good old fashioned bribery rewarding the behaviour you want.

If he ever has sweets then this could be a time for "I think there may be a packet of buttons in the car if you walk there and get into your seat nicely" or something else he really enjoys. You have to follow through and not give him them if he doesn't walk nicely though! Maybe stickers if he would understand them - my youngest is 12 so I am trying to think back to what they can grasp at 22 months!

I was always as bit uncomfortable about using food as a reward but at the moment you need to get him into the car without hurting yourself and you can always try without it once the baby is here (by which time he will be a few months older and hopefully have realised that the world is not coming to an end and playgroup will still be there next week!)

CailinDana · 21/02/2012 16:47

I hate to mock your pain whackamole but the image of you "sliding one around Tesco" by the reins is just hilarious (in an "oh god please let me never have to do that" sort of way :))

kaluki · 21/02/2012 16:47

Stop taking him!

Why put yourself through all that stress!
DS1 was like this and he was a biter so I stopped taking him for a while. He soon grew out of it

QuickLookBusy · 21/02/2012 16:48

Agree with Aniseeda about the bribery rewards.

Also can I ask a stupid question? Do you have to leave? If he is enjoying it so much, could you stay a bit longer?

Original poster
sleepsforwimps2010 · 21/02/2012 16:51

ok, will give these things ago, and ill let you know how next week goes!

OP posts:
MaryZ · 21/02/2012 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whomovedmychocolate · 21/02/2012 16:54

May I make a small suggestion? I had a chat to the organiser at ours and at a set time she came over and said 'time to go now DS, it's time for the next child to come in' which he understood MUCH BETTER than 'we have to go now because mummy has an appointment.'

We have a supermarket bear who hides in the shop and pops out to eat small children if we take too long to go round though so my method of parenting may not be the best Grin

Original poster
sleepsforwimps2010 · 21/02/2012 16:56

yes, we have leave the session is over everyone else has gone and they are sweeping up round him!

OP posts: