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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and conceive at this weight or should i try and diet first?

34 replies

scaryweightonthescale · 20/02/2012 16:56

Have name changed for this. I geniunely want imput from others about this but please be gentle if possible as i am a bit fragile about it. Here goes....

I recently lost my first baby quite late in the pregnancy & was obviously completely devastated. Thereafter followed a few months of emotional fog and A LOT of comfort eating. As a teenager I was 20+ stone and had a severe binge eating disorder, which took a good few years to sort out in my 20's. Although i've never been thin my weight for the last ten years had been reasonable (size 14).

In the last week or so i feel like the fog has cleared around the miscarriage and i have a very strong urge to try for another baby. My eating also seems to be back on an even keel. However, i weighed myself today and was horrified to find my bmi has climed to 37 which is badly obese (this means i have put on 3 stones rapidly since losing the baby, whilst trying to pretend I wasn't getting much bigger).

I don't know if i should stop trying to conceive and try and get my weight down to a more reasonable level first, bearing in mind excess weight is not good in pregnancy, and having suffered one devastating loss, i don't want to do anything that might risk another baby, or if i should try and conceive anyway - my worry is that i might leave it too late- i am getting near to 40, and am desperate to not miss out on being a mum. I just don't know what to do

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2012 16:58

I'm sorry to hear of your loss

I really do think you should lose the weight first because you do stand more chance of putting your baby and yourself at risk.

SenoritaViva · 20/02/2012 17:00

Why don't you visit your GP and get some advice?

Sorry about your loss.

pinkappleby · 20/02/2012 17:00

I would diet and TTC together, especially given your age.

Your midwife should be able to support you avoiding weight gain in pregnancy given your bmi.

I hope everything works out for you.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 20/02/2012 17:03

I would switch to a healthy lifestyle, and then TTC after a couple of months. I wouldn't do a drastic weight loss programme at the same time, but ime if you have a lot of weight to lose, it can come off quite easily with just some light exercise and healthy eating.

Kayzr · 20/02/2012 17:03

I agree with Pink. I would lose weight and ttc at the same time. You will be able to get help keeping weight off during pregnancy.

KatAndKit · 20/02/2012 17:03

A bmi of 35 or less would mean you are less high-risk during any future pregnancy. But people with a bmi above 35 can and do have babies and the risk can be managed. I guess it really depends on your specific medical circumstances.

Personally, I would probably want to keep trying anyway but be on a diet at the same time to get the weight off, and then try to avoid weight gain during the pregnancy. You may find that losing weight while you are trying means that you will conceive quicker. It takes most people a few months to get pregnant anyway and if you put your mind to it you could lose a couple of stone in that time. If I was in your situation I probably wouldn't actively prevent a pregnancy while I was losing the weight, but I have no clue what the medical advice would be.

porcamiseria · 20/02/2012 17:04

I am so sorry . I think visit GP, and agree with others TTC and weight loss at the same time . good luck x

Original poster

scaryweightonthescale · 20/02/2012 17:05

thanks, i know i probably should ask the gp but i do feel very ashamed of having got myself into this position

OP posts:

TrinaLuciusMalfoy · 20/02/2012 17:10

Sorry about your loss :(

I conceived at a BMI of 37 (probably 37++++, was in denial and wouldn't weigh myself didn't know my exact weight) without problems, but you know yourself - if you know 37 won't be where it stops then yes, try and get some help to lose the weight and TTC at the same time. Your GP should be able to advise on keeping the weight healthy during the pregnancy. Expect to be sent for a glucose tolerance test though.

Good luck :)

NatashaBee · 20/02/2012 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparkles23 · 20/02/2012 17:14

So sorry to hear about the loss of your baby that must have been truly awful.

If I was in your situation and you feel ready I would start trying for a baby now and along side it start a healthy eating/exercise regime. It could take a few months to conceive and you could be well on target to lose the weight by then, alternatively it could happen straight away in which case you can still eat healthily etc throughout the pregnancy and lose weight without compromising your or the baby's health as long as you're getting enough calories and all nutrients. Given you are worried about your age I would just go for it!

Well done on losing all that weight when you were younger too- that must have been hard but you lost it and kept it all off, you should be so proud of yourself! Cut yourself some slack about the 3 stone gained, you went through an awful trauma and it was your way of coping, so easy to gain without realising at the best of times let alone when going through something like that. Now you've turned a corner and feeling better I'm sure you will have no probs losing it, good luck!

TrinaLuciusMalfoy · 20/02/2012 17:23

DO NOT feel ashamed. It happens. You lost the weight, you can do it again. If the GP's an arse about it, tell him so.

ProcrastinateWildly · 20/02/2012 17:49

So sorry to hear about your loss, it must be absolutely devastating. The thing that stood out in your second post was that you feel ashamed of your weight gain. I think it is really important that you should try not to feel ashamed, as you probably know, this is the kind of negative feeling that can lead to you eating more than you need. You had a terrible thing happen to you, and you comforted yourself in a familiar way, by turning to food. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of, in fact you should be proud of yourself for coping. Using food is just one way that some people use to help them cope, as I know from personal experience. It is great that you are beginning to feel better now, and good luck with TTC.

pinkappleby · 20/02/2012 18:50

I echo others, don't be ashamed. You coped with a horrible situation and now you are regrouping. Move forward, best you can.

BartletForAmerica · 20/02/2012 19:25

When patients come to me with stories like this, I'll say something like, "I agree with you that if you did things again, you'd want to do things differently BUT you didn't and we can't change that so there is no point feeling guilty about that. NOW the important thing is that we work together to improve things now."

So if you saw me, I'd encourage you to increase your exercise significantly (90% of weight loss is exercise) and reduce your food (whether that is with Weightwatchers or whatever) and concentrate on weight loss initially, setting yourself a realistic target (10% of your current weight - we'll worry about the rest another day.) I would then advise you of the risks to both mother and baby with a high BMI and suggest that you held off TTC a bit. I'd definitely understand though if you started TTC while losing the weight though. Whatever you decide, make sure you are taking folic acid.

Good luck.

PopcornBiscuit · 20/02/2012 19:32

As you are near 40 I would say definitely TTC now. You just don't have the time to put the diet first.

foreverondiet · 20/02/2012 20:07

Hard one. I would diet and TTC at same time.

Choose healthy eating plan - lean protein, lots of vegetables, some dairy, some fruit, some wholegrains. Nothing processed, no sugar. Limit of 1200-1400 calories a day. Plus exercise.

If you do get pregnant you can then move to something like slimming world to make sure you don't put on any more weight. Or stick to same diet but with medical supervision and perhaps some more calories.

PopcornBiscuit · 20/02/2012 20:14

I'm sure you know this already, but don't forget to take folic acid supplements.

thefatladyscreams · 20/02/2012 20:30

Hi, have PMed you.

Original poster

scaryweightonthescale · 20/02/2012 20:35

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

Are you supposed to take more folic acid if you are overweight or is it the same?

It is true i am feeling very down with myself about the situation, so thanks for the help there.

I'm still not sure what to do, do like the suggestion of making myself a 10% goal first as that seems attainable, but not sure i can resist the pull of ttc at the same time. (It took 6 months last time, but obv i have no idea if it will be the same this time)

I read something today that said exercise, especially vigorous exeercise has been proven to increase miscarriage rates in the first trimester, don't know how true this is, but that scared me also...but then anything to do with mc scares me.

OP posts:

McHappyPants2012 · 20/02/2012 20:36

You only need 300 calories in the 2nd trimester and 450 in the 3rd trimester, so if you diet while ttc if you do get pregnant just follow the advice.

Wishing you luck ttc and sorry about your loss

imogengladheart · 20/02/2012 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingForGoalWeight · 20/02/2012 20:40

Do you have PCOS scary? It is a lot of pressure isn't it x

Original poster

scaryweightonthescale · 20/02/2012 20:45

don't have PCOS as far as i know, x

OP posts:

TrinaLuciusMalfoy · 20/02/2012 20:49

If you want to set yourself a little goal, I really would recommend weight watchers: I lost 5% of my weight very quickly, and I'm only a pound away from having lost 21lbs in four months

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