To try and conceive at this weight or should i try and diet first?

[scaryweightonthescale]

Have name changed for this. I geniunely want imput from others about this but please be gentle if possible as i am a bit fragile about it. Here goes....

I recently lost my first baby quite late in the pregnancy & was obviously completely devastated. Thereafter followed a few months of emotional fog and A LOT of comfort eating. As a teenager I was 20+ stone and had a severe binge eating disorder, which took a good few years to sort out in my 20's. Although i've never been thin my weight for the last ten years had been reasonable (size 14).

In the last week or so i feel like the fog has cleared around the miscarriage and i have a very strong urge to try for another baby. My eating also seems to be back on an even keel. However, i weighed myself today and was horrified to find my bmi has climed to 37 which is badly obese (this means i have put on 3 stones rapidly since losing the baby, whilst trying to pretend I wasn't getting much bigger).

I don't know if i should stop trying to conceive and try and get my weight down to a more reasonable level first, bearing in mind excess weight is not good in pregnancy, and having suffered one devastating loss, i don't want to do anything that might risk another baby, or if i should try and conceive anyway - my worry is that i might leave it too late- i am getting near to 40, and am desperate to not miss out on being a mum. I just don't know what to do

Yes, your BMI would indicate you do need a higher dose of folic acid.

www.patient.co.uk/health/Pregnancy-and-Folic-Acid.htm

www.pregnancy-calendars.net/folicacid.aspx

I used to work with women with PCOS and high BMI and lots of them conceived whilst actively trying to lose weight and managed to maintain during pregnancy (most were doing Slimming World with a couple of low-carbers and a couple of Weightwatchers - not sure if you can get MW permission to carry on with WW but SW you def can).

If I was in your shoes I think I would get cracking with the weight and not try to get pregnant but not try to stop it for now...sex is great exercise and if you did happen to get pregnant what a happy side effect! Then by summertime you could have got your BMI well under 35 so if not pg in a great position to actively TTC and god forbid you should struggle and need some help you would know your BMi wouldn't preclude you from treatment (some NHS won't do any fertility if BMI over 35).

Please don't be ashamed. You have been through something horrid and gaining weight is not a crime or any sort of moral failing.

Wishing you loads of luck :)

re: exercise, I think on balance better to go into pregnancy fit. recommend dvd - 30 day shred and some brisk walking. You can always cut back if you get pregnant. PM if you want I can help support you.

I really really feel for you and I'm so sorry for your loss.

It sounds to me that you are being really really hard on yourself and that your weight is suffering as a result. I have been a binge eater for most of my life weighed in the 20s through my 20s and was told by my doctor at 27 that getting pregnant at that sort of weight was irresponsible and dangerous, i cried for a week, i'd only just decided i wanted a baby and new that dieting for me was years of yo yo ing and i didn't think i'd ever do it. After a couple of years of sulking I did Lighterlife, it worked for me because of the counselling but it's not for everyone and I got pregnant 5 weeks after i got to goal.

If you know there is a plan that suits you start on it and continue ttc,it might happen straight away or chances might improve as you lose weight.

Good luck and be kinder to yourself x

So sorry for your loss . Whilst we all know a high BMI is not ideal while trying to conceive, if you feel ready to try again I would go ahead but combine with a healthy eating/regular exercise regime. I had a BMI of 36 when I concieved DD 2 yrs ago.

The guidelines in my area had recently changed so anyone with a BMI of 35+ was classed as high risk and switched to consultant led. At my first consultant appointment the consultant couldn't understand why I had been refered and switched me straight back to midwife led.

Through a combination of healthy eating and servere vomiting (not recommended) I weighed 2.5 stone less the day after I gave birth when compared to my booking-in appointment!

Good luck

thanks everyone, i really appreciate all the support.

its nice to hear about ladies who have gone on to have healthy babies despite weight issues- my head does tell me i've completely blown it now and will never be a
mum and its all my fault (nice) so its good to have some real life experience to counteract my head with....

Popcorn have read the folic acid links, thanks. I can't seem to find any online that are anywhere near that does though. Most i can find seem to be about 800mg.

TattiePants am v encouraged by the idea of weighing less at the end through healthy eating and not dieting,

Foreverondiet- thanks for offer of support. I bought the shred dvd the day before i found out i was pg and so it has never been opened- i'm a bit scared of it to be honest as i seem to come across threads that say things like 'i've just done day one of the shred and my legs have fallen off' Is it realistic for someone out of shape and heavy? If so i will give it a go

Re ww, slimming world, lighter life etc they probably aren't for me- i have to be really careful around them as in my early 20's went through a brief period of dieting that was very disordered indeed...swung dangerously from overeating to dieting obsession and don't want to go there again....i have been advised never to go on a diet as such, just to eat 3 meals a day, watch my portions and cut out the crap.
This has worked really well for me in the past, and i know will work for me again, its just that I really feel this huge time pressure on me at the moment and don't want to be patient.

I'm also really scared of dr's, mw's etc reactions to my weight as in my teen years i had a lot of really shaming incidents around my weight with healthcare people and i just tend to turn into a 7 year old the moment i see anyone medical. I do try not to do this but it isn't an easy thing for me.

Thanks again for all the support.

You should be able to get it on prescription at that level (or just take more of the supplements)

I can't remember my BMI exactly but it must have been similar as I was 16st 4lbsnon getting pregnant with both my dc. I didn't have the best pregnancies but no significant problems and both babies were healthy. I only put on about a stone in each pregnancy as I was careful what I ate, I knew I couldn't afford to put on 3st. I was back at starting weight within a week of giving birth although still very jelly belly!! I now weigh less though!

Even though all was ok with me i'm sure oregnancy would have been a bit easier if i had been lighter. That said, I would ttc now as time is marching on and you don't want to miss the boat.

Good luck.

I wouldn't wait to ttc. I've just had dc2 at 40. With her and dd1 I was a size 20. Age is the key issue here rather than weight so I'd get cracking if I were you. You can start a healthy eating plan at the same time but don't put off ttc.

Good luck :)