Am i being unreasonable not to go into work

[Dunon]

Hi, first time poster so please forgive spelling and grammar and epic rant. DW suggested i posted here about this issue i'd like some perspective on.

I've have been ill since Friday with a virus. I still went into work on Friday, then slept most of the weekend and i am still feeling a bit grotty. My job is pretty stressful. DW has also come down with this virus. We have a 2yo DD, who thankfully seems to be fine. DW family helped out over the weekend, but no one is free now and we can't afford more child care. I decided to call in and stay home so as not to leave DW trying to look after DD in this state, and as i'm still not well himself i thought it was the right move.

Just had my boss texting him saying how he's really let him down and that we need a better "back up process" this has really angered me, my bosses attitude is that of "there is no excuse you should be in work sickness doesn't exist as he is never ill".

Just for a bit of background, I am at 24 days out of 50 through my sickess allowance, i was signed off with a chest infection earlier this year for 19 days and had a few days of stress related issue for the remaining 5. I have only ever taken 1 day parental leave.

i have some examples of other situation that have happened that have left me quite angry

1. Last year i had to cash in half of my holiday allowance as i didn't take it and every time i do take time off, i get the you've "let us down" speach.

2)A few weeks ago a close relative of DW past away, when i requested a few days off to be able to take DW to the funeral (it was up north 6 hr drive there and back so wanted to stay over night etc). the response was less then pleasant or sympathetc and in the end we had to put three days child care on a credit card so DW trained up to the funeral and i stayed at home with DD.

3. DW was sick with pneumonia, she was signed off, I still went into to work, on the understanding if she couldn't cope with DD she could call me and I would come home. arranged with boss - she called around 3pm so I went and my boss again was less than supportive.

so should i feel bad about wanting to look after my family or am i being unreasonable??

Wow - 24 days sickness....in how long?? For this alone YABU! I think I have had no more than 5 days off in the last 14 years!

Oh I don't know, it's hard to say really.

You do seem to take quite a bit of time off from what you've said but I suppose if you have to, you have to.

Your boss is right about one thing though

You do need a back up plan by the sound of it.

If you had one, you could have gone to work to today if you just feel a bit grotty.

However, OP, your boss does sound very unreasonable re time off..........is he unreasonable because he feels you take the piss or is he like that anyway?Like Worra says, hard to say really!

Ok then.

You say you want to take short notice leave for childcare reasons. Professional childcare appears to be an option, but you don't want to take it due to financial reasons. Your boss is right that you need a better back up plan, both at home and at work, as this is clearly not an ideal situation. You don't say if you're calling in sick or want to take it as annual leave - if the first, calling in sick when you're actually okay to come in, is obviously not acceptable.

That said, there appears to be a lot of resentment on both sides about how and when you can take time off. My suggestion is that you work this bit out as soon as you feel well. Sit down with the wife to get better emergency childcare, and then with the boss to get better back up cover at work. Agree the amount of notice you need to give for genuine annual leave and ensure it's planned in, ready for you to take. I'm not surprised you're stressed out if you can't take regular breaks and every request for annual leave becomes a fight.

Your boss should obviously be professional enough to not let his anger get in the way when you do have a genuine illness or emergency. If you feel he's crossing the line, get the HR guidance around parental leave and sick leave so you know your rights and can argue with him on rational grounds when he gets stroppy.

By the way, I don't understand the '50 days sick allowance', that seems an awful lot and perhaps refers to how much paid sick days you get?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack ok the time off was because i did spend just under 4 weeks in bed, on two course's of anti-botics, i couldn't get out of bed there was talk about being sent to the hospital at one point by my Dr. i was signed off...

WorraLiberty any suggestions of a backup plan. wifes sick, no avalaible family to look at DD and no money for childcare....

as for the boss, is he that unreasonalbe? you tell me his whole attitude is you must work. no matter what, to give you another example, 2 hours before my wedding started i got a call can i come in? i dont think in the last 5 years i have ever had a holiday and not be contacted several times, to the point when they were giving my personal mobile number to clients to call me directly..

sorry yes the 50 days is paid sick leave, just re-read my contract, its worded badly

You get 50 days paid sick leave??

I don't think you have much to complain about tbh! If my dh can't work, he doesn't get paid anything, which has the effect of making us much more likely to make other childcare arrangements or just middle through when we have to.

Your boss might be an unsympathetic twat, but he would be that either way. You should try and see it from his point of view. If you are off work a lot, which it sounds like you have been, then it causes him the same difficulties whether or not your reason is genuine.

Also, if you are on a high wage, your boss should be able to expect a high level of commitment from you. That means that sometimes you have to pay for childcare or help, and it means that you make plans to attend funerals in a way that doesn't impact on work for two days. You could have driven up after work. I have attended funerals in the north of Scotland and only needed one day off, and I live in the far South of England.

Your boss's attitude sounds lousy, but 24 days off sick is a huge amount! I don't think I have taken that many sick days in the 10 or so years that I have been working full time. And it sounds from your OP like you are not 100% today but the real reason you have not gone in is to provide childcare.

Wow - 24 days sick! I can kind of understand why your boss is pissed off. I've had unreliable staff, and it was a pain in the arse.

You do need to sort something out. Whether it be proper childcare, or arrangements to work from home etc.

WRT requesting time off, if my staff don't give me enough notice then it is a flat no, unless extreme circumstances (such as their parent or child is hospitalised etc - the funeral of a spouse's relative wouldn't count!) as it would be impossible to arrange cover at such short notice, without their colleagues picking up the extra slack, which I'm not prepared to allow.

You do need to sit down with your boss and agree a process, or stick to the process that I suspect is already in place. He shouldn't be texting you - if there is a problem he should be picking the phone up to speak to you. Likewise for you.

Also, paid sick leave is not sick allowance and if any of my staff were treating it as an allowance I'd be mightily pissed off.

WorraLiberty any suggestions of a backup plan. wifes sick, no avalaible family to look at DD and no money for childcare

But your back up plan has to be paid childcare if you have no-one else to stand in.

With the best will in the world, your lack of money/childcare provision is not your boss's problem...it's yours and your wife's.

You can't reasonably expect work to be happy with you not just taking so much time off because you're sick, but whenever your wife is too?

Your boss is bu (very) about time off it seems, although you do seem to have had quite a bit of time off so even the most generous of bosses might start to feel a little annoyed.

You do need back up childcare. Do you have friends where you live who might be able to have your DD if needs be? If not, I think you need to find some.

However, (and I'm probably going to be told I am being unsympathetic again) I think today's time off is pushing the limits. Your wife is feeling poorly but what is to stop her having a duvet day with your DD watching kids' TV?

You should be entitled to 'family leave', although maybe not at such short notice. However, it is unpaid, so would test your priorities in this sort of situation.

Hope everyone is feeling better soon.

I think the fact you feel you have a 'sickness allowance' speaks volumes.

Well, you've had a long time off this year for a long period of serious illness, I assume you've made up for that in other years so YANBU at all. You were signed off so it's not like you were just pretending to have a wee cough.

I note again the Tunbridge-Wells-Hypocrisy-Brigade out in force here, who on other threads are supporting the government policy of sending cancer sufferers, people with mental health problems and transient disabilities (e.g. MS) onto workfare then saying that people who take long sick periods are not fit to work- what do you think would happen if someone was on workfare and had to go for chemo/had a breakdown? They'd need 24 days off in the course of a year, I bet you. Therefore by your own arguments here they should be getting incapacity benefits, not JSA. Try some consistency for size, eh?

Also anyone who only took 5 days off in 15 years is either a robot or was going to work and spreading disease to everyone else in an irresponsible and stupid manner. HTH.

I'm not sure if the 'sickness allowance' was just bad wording but to be honest I did pick up a sort of 'entitled' attitude that's a bit one sided from your OP.

Also, WRT the funeral...why would you even consider taking time off to drive your wife somewhere she can reach by train?

And could she not have taken the baby with her to save on the credit card/childcare?

24 days?! You are extremely lucky to get that amount of time off! Very few companies would pay that. I assume it's at their discretion? It's not a legal right beyond ssp.
Your boss is right in that you do need a better back up plan,I think yabu to take a day off because you feel grotty & your wife now has it. Whilst it is grim to feel unwell,I'm afraid I'd be pretty unsympathetic to know I was paying for you to be at home. If it was a one off,maybe but for this,no. Why should your company pay? Why should your colleagues have to cover when you have 5 weeks already? (Not sure in how long,assume financial year).
With regard to compassionate leave,my experience is 3 days for immediate family. If people needed more (often do) they take it as holiday.
The 50 days is not a target to reach,you may find it becomes very much reduced if people abuse it. There are also possibilities that performance will begin to be monitored by your line manager.
Yabu & the old mn chestnut,very entitled.

Give the poor guy a break - it wasn't 24 individual instances of calling in sick, it was mostly one protracted period of illness that the doctor signed him off for.

OP sounds like today was a little bit U but in general sounds like your boss is an arse.

I note again the Tunbridge-Wells-Hypocrisy-Brigade out in force here, who on other threads are supporting the government policy of sending cancer sufferers, people with mental health problems and transient disabilities

There are only a few posters on this thread and I certainly don't support that policy. You obviously don't either...so how can they be 'out in force here'?

I work in the NHS and you can get up to 6 months sick leave on full pay then it goes to half pay plus SSP for another 6 months so to me OP's 50 days is paltry in comparison.

While 24 days off ill does sound a lot, 19 days of it was for one illness alone and obviously the OP would have had to supply a doctor's note for this amount of time off work, so it doesn't matter if your're sick for 2 days or 22 days it's the extent of the illness which defines how much time you need off

Well the OP has implied they ARE well enough to work, but they are staying home because their wife doesn't feel well. Which is not the same thing at all.

What you have to ask yourself is this:

"If I was self-employed and not only wouldn't be getting paid for the day off but would also be letting down a client who then may take his custom elsewhere OR if I just worked for someone who didn't allow such a high number of paid sick days then would I actually have HAD to have the day off?

I suspect the answer is no. You have a lot of days off sick because your employer is enabling this behaviour. You are being unreasonable but your employer should look at their terms amd think about changing them. They can't really complain about sick days when they are paying for so many of them.

It's infortuante for your wife but part of having kids is looking after them - even when you're sick. How do you think single parents manage?

and wibbly I must be a robot then as I have never had a day off sick.

If we need short notice holiday it's on the understanding we are still contactable on blackberry and can deal with anything urgent, in pre-BB days the requisite was you kept your phone on and kept in touch.

Another option is to work from home rather than take time off? Bosses tend to be a bit more flexible if you seem to be making an effort rather than just taking the piss IME.

I am on phone completely contactable, but i work on alot of NDA stuff which can't be taken out of the office and the project i was on is offically in testing as of last friday, this is suppose to be my downtime now.

Are there any cutbacks you can make to afford childcare?

What GlassCompletelyBroken said.

50 days is not a "sickness allowance", it's ridiculous to assume that you can take a quarter of the year off every year and no one's going to raise an eyebrow.

I've had one day off sick in 7 years, the work is there whether you're feeling rough or not.