AIBU to be angry at 'D' P for making it so damn difficult/unpleasant for us in trying to book a holiday.....?

[quorncookingmum]

Been with DP for 7 years, we have never ever been away for more than four days. Historically have had to more or less have a tantrum (for want of a more socailly acceptable word!) to 'make' him book/agree to me booking even a long weekend.

Last year we did not have a holiday at all, I paid for us to go to a festival which was difficult as was on Mat leave but didnt want my older son to miss out (we have been before and he loved it).

He promised me that we would have a holiday last year (he got a good bonus from work) and said find one for about £1500 all inclusive. when i did just that he then said Oh no I said no more than 1k (impossible for when we needed to go).

Had another argument today as have found a mobile home holiday on the continent for £850 for the four of us for august and I so desperately want to go, I want to give the children some good memories!!

He good all huffy when i mentioned it this a.m.

I just know it will be blood sweat and tears to book this bloody holiday, should it be this hard?

Just for info, I do work but only part time and I always end up sorting out food, clothes, drinks, trips out etc for our breaks plus a million other boring things at home but booking holidays outright is beond me at present .

he on the other hand earns a very good wage and has thousands in the bank so its not that I am asking him to spend money he doesn't have.

Am just so fed up!!!x

Given the massive contribution you are making to the childcare needs of your financially-individual household, I think he should be paying for all the childcare that is not done by you.

Oh right, so he regards the money as his. This is very unhealthy, it means he considers you somewhere between a pet and a servant.

as he has gone on holidays (although only for a few days) in the UK - is he scared of flying?

Have you got to the bottom of what his issue is with holidays?

You need to identify whether he is always a tight arse - and I get the impression that you don't think that is the case, or whether his stinginess only applies to holidays.

Assuming that it is specifically the holidays that are the issue you need to speak to him about what the problem is as you may find a compromise from there - it could be something like the kind of holidays you are suggesting don't appeal or something fundamental like cricketballs has said - maybe he hates flying?

I can maybe give a bit of an insight as I really resent the money for holidays. To me, it's just not the kind of thing I would choose to spend my money on as it is a short-lived experience plus I have not been able to afford to go anywhere that actually appeals. This has become less the case recently our childcare costs have come down so our potential holiday budget has risen. So we have now started going away, but to nice hotels in this country and whilst it's not been remotely exotic, it has felt special.

Now bear with me on this :)
Basically, the crux issue for me is that I cannot imagine spending money to stay somewhere and have a lower standard of living than I have at home. So, camping, cottages, that sort of thing, just aren't on my agenda. I wonder if you sit down and have a proper conversation with your DP about this you may find that he takes a similar view, that he resents money going on something where he would just be missing his home comforts. If this is the case, he may actually agree to help finance a fairly modest holiday for you and the children - I know I would have done if my DH had felt as you do.

I am with Vicky2011 on this. When I go away I want things to be the same or preferably BETTER than at home. So camping, grotty cottages (I have stayed in a few where I have paid HUGE amounts for cold damp places.....), or all 4 of us cramped in a studio/hotel room does not do it for me, or my DH. I just spend all the time thinking I would be more comfortable at home!

Maybe your DP is the same?

You need to sit down and have a talk about it, I hope you can work something out that suits you all.

Good luck!

You should restore your earning power now OP. Split all financial responsabilities evenly ( or prorata depending on salary ) and the do likewise with childcare/broken nights/domestic stuff. Book holiday with DC wherever yo want- leave him out this year , next year he may behave more sensibly but make him contribute if he does come. If you think buy to let is a good idea contribute to that otherwise don't.

I never like to hear "he pays the mortgage" - does that mean if you split up he'll think the house is his?
I know you think it's just the holiday that's the issue but I really don't think it is - you earnings should become part of a shared pot, and it shouldn't be an issue who earns more when there's a child being looked after.

I really resent the money for holidays. To me, it's just not the kind of thing I would choose to spend my money on as it is a short-lived experience plus I have not been able to afford to go anywhere that actually appeals

I would disagree with that. Holidays are memories.

Even now, 35 years later, I can still remember the holidays I spent as a child, with my parents. They were nothing fancy... Isle of Man one year, Bournemouth a few others.. sometimes just a week at a relative's house in Devon, and certainly no better standard of living than at home, but it was still an adventure as a child, with the beach, days out, and something different from day to day living. I think memories are priceless, and it may only be a week or two out of the year, but it does make a difference to get away, even if it is just a camping break.

If he's so unhappy with your choices, ask him to sort out a holiday. If he drags his feet then you'll know there's something up. Obviously if he does sort something out make sure you're happy with it!

If you're in the enviable position of having quite a lot of choice then he's got to see it's a valuable experience for your children.

The poster upthread who said it was' more than just an issue over holidays ' was right. It is about equality - he is wielding more power because he earns more and 'pays the mortgage ' ... You should maximize your earning power and BOTH child care and BOTH pay mortgage. Let him buy flat if that is what he wants to do and you take whatever type of holiday you want and think YOU can afford.