Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry at 'D' P for making it so damn difficult/unpleasant for us in trying to book a holiday.....?

35 replies

quorncookingmum · 19/02/2012 20:34

Been with DP for 7 years, we have never ever been away for more than four days. Historically have had to more or less have a tantrum (for want of a more socailly acceptable word!) to 'make' him book/agree to me booking even a long weekend.

Last year we did not have a holiday at all, I paid for us to go to a festival which was difficult as was on Mat leave but didnt want my older son to miss out (we have been before and he loved it).

He promised me that we would have a holiday last year (he got a good bonus from work) and said find one for about £1500 all inclusive. when i did just that he then said Oh no I said no more than 1k (impossible for when we needed to go).

Had another argument today as have found a mobile home holiday on the continent for £850 for the four of us for august and I so desperately want to go, I want to give the children some good memories!!

He good all huffy when i mentioned it this a.m.

I just know it will be blood sweat and tears to book this bloody holiday, should it be this hard?

Just for info, I do work but only part time and I always end up sorting out food, clothes, drinks, trips out etc for our breaks plus a million other boring things at home but booking holidays outright is beond me at present Sad.

he on the other hand earns a very good wage and has thousands in the bank so its not that I am asking him to spend money he doesn't have.

Am just so fed up!!!x

OP posts:
lucidlady · 19/02/2012 20:35

Why doesn't he want to go?

HaveYouTakenLeaveOfYourCervix · 19/02/2012 20:36

book it youself. pay for it yourself. if he wants to go - great. if not go without him.

thisisyesterday · 19/02/2012 20:42

yabu

my DP is exactly the same.
it used to make me incredibly angry/upset.

year before last i booked a cottage in Norfolk and went by myself with the kids. was a lovely week!

last year I asked if he'd like to go with us as we would be camping in suffolk. he said yes, so he came too.

there's no point arguing over it. just book one. if he says he deosn't like it then take someone else with you

HazleNutt · 19/02/2012 20:43

just go without him, you won't enjoy the holiday anyway if he's grumpy and complaining.
(My dad does not like to travel, mum does - so he stays at home, she goes with friends. Happily married for 35 years. )

You should have a discussion about your finances though, if you are a family, but one of you is broke while other is saving thousands.

Original poster
quorncookingmum · 19/02/2012 20:43

Have you taken,

Unfortunately I am not in a position to just book and pay for it outright myself. It would need DP to agree and pay at least until my youngest is at school (not really wanting to get into a shoud-I be-working-full-time type thing!!)

My issue is when we do go away (albeit for a few days in uk) he always hasa lovely time and it does him good.

I suppose we just have radically different views on this, before meeting me he only had one holiday (at age 30!!!) on the other hand i have been lucky enough to travel a reasonable amount and have some fantastic memories).

DP's latest scheme is to save up enough to get a small buy to let flat 'for our future' which I suspect is why he doesn't want to spend out on 'uneccesary' things.

By the time all dp's material aspirations have been realised I will be long gone.......what misery....Sad

OP posts:
mrsshears · 19/02/2012 20:45

I have a friend who's husband is like yours so we go away together instead.

thisisyesterday · 19/02/2012 20:45

ahh he sounds so much like my dp!

can you not get a credit card to put it on? or find a cottage over here and go with a friend or some family and split the cost?

solidgoldbrass · 19/02/2012 20:46

Have you ever asked him why he doesn't like holidays? Because he obviously doesn't. If he's a good partner in other ways it's worth getting to the bottom of this: it's not a crime to like or dislike holidays, and it might be simpler all round if you take the DC on holiday without DP.
You say that you are (as a family) able to afford holidays, but it's possible that your DP gets uneasy about not having plenty of savings and so resents spending money on a treat he doesn't enjoy; again, you need to talk it through with him. Perhaps going through the budget with him will help you show him that a holiday is affordable.

thisisyesterday · 19/02/2012 20:46

i agree you need to discuss finances though.
do you have no access to the money he earns at all?

Original poster
quorncookingmum · 19/02/2012 20:49

solidgold I love your posts Smile.

I know this should be a non issue, and it pains me so much that somehting that should be life enhancing for us all is such a point of contention.

The point is there are a million things we could spend the money on but my philosophy is we could all be dead tomorrow and life should be grabbed with both hands.

Sigh, this just highlights how different dp and I are....

OP posts:
SecretMinceRinser · 19/02/2012 20:51

Sorry op but your dh sounds like a bellend. Is he the father of your kids? I agree with hat a pp said - why the hell are you doing all the childcare and scrimping by on your pt wage while he is saving thousands?

VivaLeBeaver · 19/02/2012 20:53

My dh is like this. Ive gone away just me and dd for the last 7 years, dh stays at home. We camp most of the time but have been AI abroad once as well.

thisisyesterday · 19/02/2012 20:57

viva, you me and the OP ought to get together this year!

actually, i have to say, DP isn't too bad if we do camping. he likes making campfires and being all "manly" about it

MuckyBedding · 19/02/2012 21:03

Agree with the bellend comment.

nannyl · 19/02/2012 21:03

I dont think you are being unreasonable

SecretMinceRinser · 19/02/2012 21:04

Except the op can't afford a holiday for herself and the kids because she is trying to raise a family on pt wage because her husband would rather stack his money up than contribute enough so that his wife and kids can have 'luxuries' like one holiday in 7 years. OP you need to have a talk with him.

igggi · 19/02/2012 21:10

Even if the DP didn't want to go on the holiday, he could still stump up the cash for his partner and children to have the break they need.
Why does he get to keep his own money by the way? Do you have a joint account?

Original poster
quorncookingmum · 19/02/2012 21:10

Secret tank you for making me feel I am not BU in wanting my 'D'P to pay for one modest homiday in the seven years we have been together.

If I was working full time I would have a large amount of disposable income and could have holidays galore. But as we do not 'need' me to work full time and I already do the lions share of childcare/taking time off when ill/up in night and Dp hasa very hgih pressured job, I fe it is the sensible thing for me to work PT.

But that is a side issue, the real issue is DP's and mines different prioroties .etc,

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 19/02/2012 21:16

I agree with what the others are saying.. he is saving up all his money, you are not married either.. and he is planning to buy a flat "for your future".. sounds more like for his own.. ....

AThingInYourLife · 19/02/2012 21:20

It doesn't sound very sensible to work part time when you are not married and living with a man who keeps his finances separate.

Original poster
quorncookingmum · 19/02/2012 21:24

athing

yes you are probably right but the truth is I have two very small Dc, the smallest still soesnt sleep through the night (some nights its just waking others its screaming for up to 4 hours Sad- currently under the Gp trying to work out why).

Have a very presurised job and a commute, to be honest just cant cope with the prospect of working full time at present.

In the future my earnign power will be restored (thank god). have a good pension (one big reason I am continuing to work) and we both own the property we live in.

Never been one for marriage even if it would confer some financial benefits Wink

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 19/02/2012 21:25

But as we do not 'need' me to work full time

That would be all well and good if you were getting an equal share in the finances that come into the household, but you arent..

Maybe you should work full time, and he can contribute towards the childcare for HIS children too.

Original poster
quorncookingmum · 19/02/2012 21:28

Squeaky

he does contibute half towards the childcare, and to be fair he also pays the mortage and most of the bills at present. I pay for other things and as i only earn 1/3 of his salary that seems fair at present.

Its not that he is mean or irresposnisible generally, its just this bloody holiday issue!!!

OP posts:
clam · 19/02/2012 21:35

Why are you paying half of the childcare when you only earn 1/3 of his salary?

SecretMinceRinser · 19/02/2012 21:39

Well I assume he pays half the childcare while you work - the rest you do for free.
If one partner is working and one isn't/is paid less/is working pt then you need to organise the finances so that you all have an equal share of what is coming in. And that will mean him contributing a lot more if he is earning a lot more at the present. It obviously isn't a fair distribution is your dp is managing to save while you are living on basics. Your dp sounds very selfish.