To have refused 2 year old dd cake because she threw her tea on the floor

[GColdtimer]

My previous "eat anything" dd2 is becoming a pain at meal times. Dd1, her friend and dd2 sat down to pasta and dd2 said "don't want it" and flung it on the floor. I got her down from the table, the others ate their tea. Dd's owns had been to a party so bought cake. I wouldn't let dd2 have any unless she at least tried some tea. She refused and I held firm. Did I do the right thing? This was an hour ago and have just given her a banana which she wolfed down.

I would be with you in the instances you describe coffee. If she chooses to eat some veg and not others, so be it.

My problem at the moment would be that if she thought she could say no to a main meal and get ice cream instead, she would. Every meal time.

We did in fact have this problem for a few days where each time she sat down she said "I'm hungry". So we'd say something like "Oh, that's good, because look at the lovely roast chicken/pasta/sausages etc" and she'd say "No, I not hungry for that, I hungry for ice cream". If we'd said "Ah well, ice cream is still nutritious just a different sort of nutrition so yes you can have that" we'd now have a toddler eating nothing but ice cream. (To be fair, I also have a very sweet tooth and would quite happily exist on puddings if I thought I could - I've just learnt it's better not to!).
It's not pudding as a reward - she doesn't have to finish what's on her plate (I don't get why people are saying about cleaning your plate - no-one advocating withholding cake has mentioned this as a requirement), she just needs to make a stab at it. She would still get pudding if she'd only eaten part of it. (As in fact she did last night after eating all her sausage, a mouthful of potato, lots of carrot and no cabbage - no-one suggested to her that she needed to eat more than she did or a bigger range). But she still tried it on first (I don't like this - can I have some chocolate?). If I'd said yes on the basis of self-regulation, she'd figure out that all she had to do was ask and she need not waste time on the main meal, just eat sweet stuff.
As I said, I know where she's coming from as I also have a very sweet tooth - given the choice to graze I will always pick out cake etc. But I'm an adult who knows it's not always the best option. She doesn't yet know that so I'll have to make some of those decisions for her.
Maybe our different approaches stem from slightly different children - if you had a child who routinely demanded chocolate or ice cream instead of tucking into their main meal, what would the approach be?

YANBU

Those with only one child need to remember it's a lot easier to 'not offer a sweet treat' when you haven't got an older child already eating it/talking about it etc

I agree in principal with what you say MissCoffee - but practically it's not always possible.

I am a real meanie. If my dc won't eat dinner (especially if dc throws food on the floor or tantrums at mealtimes), there are no tasty bananas here, simply bread and butter. My dc is not even 2.

I do only have one dc though, so probably as said above, easier to stand firm, I wouldn't know.

There's no reason to have pudding after a meal. You can have it at a different time then issues about puddings bring conditional go away.

I didn't have puddings after a meal when growing up! If I wanted fruit etc between meals, I could provided it wasn't too close to a meal. We rarely had cake etc in the house.

I am the older child eating the sweet! there's lots of sweet things in the house, lots of savoury things in the house, we all have our favourites, we all have free access to food. If DD wants to eat sweet things or savoury things all she needs to do is walk into the kitchen and get them. If DD says she isn't hungry for dinner I won't make her any dinner, same as any other family member.

Coffee- if she says she's not hungry for dinner what do you do when later she complains? Do you then make her a new meal? We have a "its not a cafe" sort of thing in our house. Or have you saved hers up? Up to how long do you feel it's acceptable for her to be asking for food? Or what if she is doing it as a delaying tactic for bed? I'm genuinely interested in your answer- I quite like some of your ideas and may implement some- like the self serving. Do you set boundaries by saying what is on the table are your dinner choices or would you allow her to take something else from the fridge/cupboard?

I think maybe there are two issues here, 1. Throwing food and 2. The whole savory v sweet thing, i think i'd be tempted to focus on the throwing behaviour which needs to stop, although fully appreciate that two year olds probably see it as a clear way of communicating to you!
I think the sweet vs savory thing is complex, as i would hope that my ds eats a range of foods, but i would put cake in sweet and empty calories section, wheras banana in sweet but good healthy calories?
I think what you did was totally reasonable and i also agree with other posters that making as little fuss as possible would be my approach. I have a nephew (5) who is a fussy eater, last time he came for lunch we had jacket potatoes, he helped himself to quite a bit of cucumber and a couple of slices of ham which he was eating happily, then his grandparents and mum started getting at him for not eating his potato at which point he stopped eating altogether. I believe if left to his own devices he would have eaten what he needed, but suppose we'll never know.

Agree mrsred about ignoring. DS does much better if we leave him be!

I think the issues here seem to be being confused.

The issue was that OP's nearly 2yo threw her dinner on the floor in a strop. I really can't believe in that situation anyone would have just ignored or cleaned it up and given their DC cake?

I agree totally about not making mealtimes a battle, and not having 'pudding' as I don't do it here. And the ignoring, as in everyone sits until the last one's finished but focus is on family time not the food.

I'm glad I don't because I'm surprised by the number of visiting children who will eat 2 mouthfuls of dinner, ask whats for pudding, and then if I say there's cake or whatever after for those who want it, will leave the rest of the meal.

I learnt very quickly not to have any qualms in not providing a 'pudding' just because we had guests, or answering with fruit! and watching the children fill up on dinner. I always make sure there's something on offer for guests but never let on and offer it after everyone has eaten what they want.

Idocrazythings - we often have dinner quite soon before bed so there's not a big long length of time for her to change her mind tbh. There's always bread and fruit, cold meats, hummous, yoghurts, crackers, rice cakes, cheese, fruit spread, biscuits, parkin, fruit cake, fruit juice, water - she can fetch any of these herself whenever she wishes, as long as she uses a plate and eats at the table.

It's not a cafe, at all, it's just our kitchen as we can all use it when we want a snack and on days/times when we all agree we're hungry we share a meal, that's the case more often then not but there's no default pattern. I'd say we share a meal 5 days in 7 but no-one's going to tell anyone else to eat if they don't fancy it.

youarekidding - I agree, I seperated them out, I would have had stern words, had the 2yo help clean up and of course not be able to eat her dinner. That's hardly ignoring behaviour.