Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Iabu. Piano lessons

37 replies

Kennyp · 18/02/2012 17:42

am trying to teach friend of ds to play the piano. Volunteered to do it when i was drunk, am not getting paid for it.

The child is 9. Hsve been teaching since september. Have made 2% progress. Child really hasnt grasped it at all. Can't recognise any notes, really not getting it.

Hsve tried various different approaches but all hopeless. How do i tell the mum that there is no point with me pursuing it at the moment. Child supposedly practices at home but to no avail.

Mum can be quite aggressive so i dint want to upset her. AIBU?!?! Very, i think. But hve given it time and since no progression since september i really cant see the point in progressing. Thanks

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 18/02/2012 17:48

Well it's a casual arrangement so just say that you have personal issue/commitments that prevent you continuing with the arrangement.

When pressed, as you undoubtedly will be, just smile enigmatically and say you can't possibly talk about it.

I guarantee, within a week it will be all round the playground you are shagging your tennis coach/the gardener/the manny Grin or possibly all thre at once

5Foot5 · 18/02/2012 17:49

Can't you make some excuse that due to some regular commitment that has come up you won't be able to do it any more, but offer to provide details for other piano teachers in the area. If they have to pay for it then surely the mum will either make sure he practises or stop the lessons.

YANBU.

Original poster
Kennyp · 18/02/2012 17:57

Yes i do need to lie convincingly!! She knows me well though and knows there is nothing that would have come up which means i cant do piano any more.

Would it be completely unreasonable just to say "does xxxxx want to leave it for now as she might be better off just messing around with piano at home". Too subtle? Not subtle?? I really dont want to offend as she is a very close, i.e. Next dioor, neighbour.

OP posts:
blameitonthecaffeine · 18/02/2012 18:00

I don't think you should lie. Your quoted suggestion sounds perfect to me. If his mother kicks up a fuss and insists he continues learning then it's her money she's throwing away and you can take it without feeling guilty because you have warned her that it isn't working for him at the moment - win win!

blameitonthecaffeine · 18/02/2012 18:01

oh sorry, just read that you are not being paid!

Um, in that case - I don't know! I still think I'd say he wasn't making the progress needed for the arrangement to be worthwhile.

Are you a qualified teacher? If not, you could suggest that maybe he needs one?

SmethwickBelle · 18/02/2012 18:05

Or say the kid is super talented and needs more formal tuition than you can offer him. Grin

Seriously, if the issue is his lack of progress or lack of interest it's not that controversial to tell her this. You've been very generous, she owes you!

GrahamTribe · 18/02/2012 18:09

If you're not a qualified teacher you could always "take the blame" and suggest that the child would be better being taught by someone with more experience as you feel you're not as up to the job as you thought you might be.

kazmus · 18/02/2012 18:14

just say'good job you haven't been paying for this 'cos it would have been a waste of money..have you thought of switching to kazoo?' thy're having a laugh expecting this for nothing, a one off lesson maybe, but unpaid since September???

sensesworkingovertime · 18/02/2012 19:23

Just shows you what stupid things you do when you drunk. No sympathy from me on this point.
has anyone mentioned/asked does the child actually enjoy it? This is surely more important that them being the next Murray Periaha isn't it?

valiumredhead · 18/02/2012 19:26

Does the child enjoy it? Is he working towards his grade one? Does it actually matter if he doesn't improve in leaps and bounds or do you just want to stop the lessons?

kazmus the OP offered they didn't expect it.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2012 19:31

Are you a piano teacher or are you just having a go at teaching him?

If it's the latter, can you not just say he needs a professional because you thought you'd be up to the job and it seems you're not?

Original poster
Kennyp · 18/02/2012 19:58

I dknt think the child is actually enjoying it, having thought about it.

Will tell mum that i am really not getting anywhere. That is true. And that maybe the child needs a proper teacher, as six months later even playing anything beyind c d and e slowly is a big thing

Thanks for ideas. Will sort it out

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 18/02/2012 20:05

Is there any chance he might actually be tone deaf? Can't you just tell the truth.

PopcornBiscuit · 18/02/2012 20:11

Just say you've decided to stop the lessons. Don't feel obliged to give any reason whatsoever - you were doing a favour. If she doesn't like it that's her problem - she should really be thanking you profusely!

squeakytoy · 18/02/2012 20:13

Unless you are actually a piano teacher, then I think it is fair enough to admit that you arent up to the job, and admit defeat.

Original poster
Kennyp · 18/02/2012 20:48

Thanks again. I have taught my daughter to play no problem. Perhaos there is tne deaf issues, i never thought of that.

Am no way a piano teacher. Perhaps a proper piano teacher could do it.

Thanks

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 18/02/2012 20:51

ell her that the child isn't making progress and can she leave it a year when child is more ready to learn?

skybluepearl · 18/02/2012 20:52

no infact I like 'we aren't making any progress and I thinik you need a proper piano teacher instead'

redwineformethanks · 18/02/2012 21:44

I suggest you speak to the child too. My piano teacher went behind my back to tell my parents not to bring me back as I wasn't progressing enough and I was very hurt by that, as I had thought I was doing OK. It was years ago. I'm embarrassed to admit I still remember, but it still rankles!

DeWe · 18/02/2012 22:27

I'm not sure how telling the child redwine would make it better. I'd have though if a child was to hear it then it would come better from the parents, who could always choose to say they've decided to stop for other reasons.

I'd go for the "not sure how to progress now" route. My first question would be: Does he practice at all?

crystalglasses · 18/02/2012 22:31

Maybe your neighbour's dc wants to give up and your neighbour is too embarrassed to tell you? Just a thought.

squeakytoy · 18/02/2012 22:31

Theory makes up a huge part of lessons, particularly at the beginning. I spent weeks before getting anywhere near a piano.

Smallwoods piano tutor book is still the best book there is for any beginner and the one that every music teacher I know will still use.

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 08:52

I recommend John Thompson's books for beginners.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 19/02/2012 09:03

I'm a good swimmer but couldn't teach someone to swim. Teaching is totally different to doing. Tell her he's struggling and might benefit from a proper teacher when he's older. My DH went to 5 years of piano lessons as a child he hated it and he cannot play at all now. I commented on this once assuming it was obvious to all that they'd failed completely and MIL said they'd been good or something. Parents can be in denial about their offspring.

flibbertywidget · 19/02/2012 09:08

Erm.. just tell the truth. Not all kids are musical. Just say that you don't think Music/Piano is his forte (geddit) Grin and that maybe he would be better at drums or something more active, like guitar

ask the child if he likes it or would rather being playing outside and then speak to the mum, aggressive or not, just being open would be best..

my 5yr old is desperate for a guitar for her birthday..must start new thread

Swipe left for the next trending thread