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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH should spend this evening with me.

48 replies

genevacalling · 17/02/2012 18:10

I am actually a bit miffed about this, but might just be being precious (probably that).

DH and I do a lot, but seperately as we have no family around to look after the DCs and not much spare cash for babysitting. It is rare for us to have 'couples time'. I'm a SAHM, DH works. We both have fairly time-consuming hobbies.

But! The DCs have been away since Wednesday. Massive treat for all concerned (maybe not the GPs Wink), and took a lot of planning. We're getting them tomorrow. I've spent the past couple of days reconnecting with friends (it's been too long), and DH and I had a lovely day together yesterday.

Chatting earlier and I said did he fancy going out for a curry, to the cinema, maybe out for a drink at one of the local trendy wine bars and he said he'd arranged to go out after work with a friend. No special occasion and he could see this person anytime, it's no big deal when I'm home with the DCs.

AIBU to think he should want to be with me?

OP posts:
undercoverPrincess · 17/02/2012 18:14

No but he's a man and probably didn't think....

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 17/02/2012 18:14

YANBU, but I'm not sure that you are being entirely reasonable either.

If you didnt tell him until today that you wanted to do something tonight, the he had no way of knowing. If you had included your wish in all the plans you made for the dc and the time they were with their GPs, then I'm sure he would have jumped at the chance to spend the time with you.

Sometimes what is blatantly obvious to us, just isn't quite so obvious to husbands.

Your dh hasn't actually done anything wrong, so make the most of the time you have to yourself instead.

Newmummytobe79 · 17/02/2012 18:15

I really feel for you on this one. Is there anyway you can change his mind?

Say you've already booked a table? (rubs evil hands together Grin)

redskyatnight · 17/02/2012 18:16

I think if you'd wanted an evening out together you should have planned it before today.

Sounds like you spent a fair bit of the time the DC have been away, getting together with your friends so you can't really now be cross that DH is doing the same.

Newmummytobe79 · 17/02/2012 18:16

and you're dessert? Grin

Gumby · 17/02/2012 18:17

I wish my dh was out tonight
I'm fancying a Chinese, bottle of wine & hot bath

MissSayuri · 17/02/2012 18:17

'ugh' at 'trendy wine bar'. Is it 1985 again?
YABU, you caught up with friends, tonight he is catching up with a friend.

pacifist · 17/02/2012 18:18

Why not suggest you join DH and his friend for a drink? You and DH might go for a curry afterwards if that works out well.....

Confuseddd · 17/02/2012 18:19

Yanbu. He can go out with his mate any old time - ask him to postpone and go out with you

TidyDancer · 17/02/2012 18:20

I understand you being upset, but I think YABU. If you had no plans set up, I don't think it's wrong for him to have made some himself.

I'd get a takeaway and some wine, and make the most of the evening you have to yourself! :)

rosada · 17/02/2012 18:23

I tend to see my friends far more rarely because DH doesn't get home til late. Just the way things work out.

The nice thing about the past couple of days has been not planning it massively and we've both said that. We said yesterday we might do curry and cinema tonight.

I was surprised Dh had arranged to see his friend (who he could see literally any day after work - but any other day I'd be with the DCs and unable to go out with him).

Hmmmmmmm. I could invite myself along (know and get on with friend), but that's probably very odd. Might ask if DH is planning a couple of drinks or a longer thing.

But I am a bit Sad - trying hard not to be, because we have had a lovely time. But DH is off for a fortnight with work next week and I want him to want to spend every possible minute with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Sad

FayKnights · 17/02/2012 18:23

I'm with Pacifist on this one, invite yourself along for the drink and then carry the evening on together, you're time together sounds precious, so get yourself ready and go out and enjoy it while you can!

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 17/02/2012 18:25

I think yanbu. Why doesn't he rearrange his drink with friend for next week? I'm sure he'll understand if he says kids away and wife wants an evening out together.

MissSayuri · 17/02/2012 18:26

ahh, if he said 'we might do curry...' he should have confirmed that was/wasn't going to happen before making plans with his friend. Changed my mind, YANBU.

Original poster
genevacalling · 17/02/2012 18:29

Gah stupid pointless n/c. Anyway.

Yes we said we might do X Y Z but in a heady 'we could do anything!' sort of way.

Is it okay to invite myself along do you think? Doubt they're having a heart to heart or anything but don't want to be weird smothering wife.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 17/02/2012 18:31

I wouldn't invite myself along unless I was as much a friend of the friend as your DH is.

Can you have a friend over or go out with someone?

therumoursaretrue · 17/02/2012 18:33

YANBU, my DP works away every few weeks and I have a hard time balancing work and uni so totally relate to the idea of your time together being precious. Your DH has probably just not thought through the fact that he can see his friend any time, but that you both get little time without the kids. Give him a reminder that he said you might do cinema/curry and you were really looking forward to it and why, and maybe he will postpone meeting his friend.

Original poster
genevacalling · 17/02/2012 18:34

I don't want to go out or have a friend over, I can do that (sort of), anytime, I want to go out with DH Sad

I have texted to say I'd like us to do something later and how about we go out for a curry and a couple of drinks when he's done seeing his friend, and would it be better if we did it around where he's in the pub or around where we live.

OP posts:
Original poster
genevacalling · 17/02/2012 18:47

Okay, he's going to be back by 9pm and we're meeting at the curry place.

Still a bit miffed.

AIBU to crack open the prosecco on my own?

OP posts:
MissSayuri · 17/02/2012 18:50

sound of cracking whip

TidyDancer · 17/02/2012 18:53

Why are you a bit miffed?! You got what you wanted!

FayKnights · 17/02/2012 18:56

Bloody hell woman, Stop being miffed and just look forward your evening!

takingbackmonday · 17/02/2012 18:56

it'd irritate me but neither of you are being unreasonable. Curry after? Coax him away (apologies for 50s-esque phraseology)

Chandon · 17/02/2012 18:56

I would have rounded up some mates and gone out for an impromptu night on my own too....

quite happily.

FayKnights · 17/02/2012 18:57
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