To have had enough of the comments from my Grandma now

[ButWhyIsTheGinGone]

I am fat - I know this. I am 5'7 and a size 18/20. When I want to address this I will. I am just SICK SICK SICK of my bloody grandmother sending me the following through the post: WW adverts, cut-outs from magazines of women who look vaguely like me with scrawled comments about how good I would look if I lost weight, letters outlining how I will never achieve anything in my job while I'm like this... I have just HAD ENOUGH.

Today she came round for coffee and really went for it. She started out being nice, saying how it was a shame my holiday savings had been used up on major expenses all at once - car, glasses, etc. She then offered to pay for a holiday in Summer for me and my mum. I was a bit embarrassed and said she didn't need to do that, when she bloody started outlining her t's and c's. How much weight I was expected to lose, she wanted weekly updates about WW meetings, etc. I was really firm (and managed not to swear) and told her my body is MY business and I would never go round telling anyone how to lead their lives. She told me I was a poor role model for the kids in my class at which point I really got pissed off. It just about stayed civil but I made it really clear I am not willing to have this conversation again. When she left I cried.

I just needed to get this out somewhere. I'm not hoping to spark a big debate about fat=bad, thin=good, but I just want to say how much it hurts that my grandma just can't be proud of me, my career, the fact I live independently without relying on anyone.... I'm also irritated by the fact she clearly thinks I'm some inactive slob. Since crashing my car a couple of weeks ago I've walked the 1.5 miles to work and back most days and I love being outdoors - I run football and cricket clubs at school. I'm just FUCKED OFF. When I do change my lifestyle it certainly won't be for financial incentives from ashamed relatives.

Thanks for reading, well done if you got through that self-pitying rant!

Oh my god - thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who's posted their experiences - it really is appreciated. I am also a victim of the "you've got such a pretty face" tactic. So not only am I a greedy fat fuck, I'm doing my FACE a disservice....!

I shall reply when I can see clearly - my friend has taken me for drinks and in an attempt to avoid beer and save calories I have drunk gin (of course!).

Coherent reply tomorrow. I WILL get back to a 16 which is size I looked best at, and it will NOT be for her.

Anyway OP tbh I think at 5'7 and a size 18/20 you can't be that overweight - strapping, maybe!

Have another gin and think of me - 5'2 and size 18! But I've had my (female) GP admire my leg muscles for a woman my age (gee thanks) and concede that I ought to watch it but as I'm only borderline obese and have always been short and fat...well c'est la vie!

I still think you should tell her to stick her holiday.

YANBU. My sister does this ("I'm not being horrible but your arse is getting really big. I thought I'd better mention it in case you hadn't noticed.""I'm not being horrible, but you've really let yourself go recently" etc). It's horrible. I was a chubby kid compared to her and had comments from my family all the time, and ended up with anorexia at 18. I recovered and have been a bit overweight again for the last couple of years (I'm 33 now), but I'd rather be slightly bigger than be as miserable as I was at the height of my eating disorder. I told her to fuck off the last couple of times and she appears to have stfu about it now. (fingers crossed!). Not suggesting you tell your grandma to fuck off, but maybe some stern words.

And by the way, very slim and stylish friend of mine once told me "But olgaga, you've such a pretty face, and such slim ankles...it's just the bit in between..." Her daily diet regime was a banana, a mars bar, a few cherry tomatoes, and whisky and water in the evening.

Sadly she died ten years ago of throat cancer.

YANBU- my MiL always did this, now she lives abroad (thank God) and we rarely see her. Comments would be like "should you really be eating that?", "It must be soooo dissapointing to see all those lovely clothes [in a magazine] and not be able to wear any of them" "Its a good thing you don't give your DC the same meals as you!" [I do!], won't [dh] be a bit embarrassed to be with you if you go to the beach" [he wouldn't care, he loves me for me!] I am also 5'7" and size 20, I have been since I was about 19, and am now in my 40s, so i can't see things changing much now.

Cringing about my drunken post last night!

I'm really shocked how many of us seem to have relatives like this. Do they not get how these comments really cut you to the core? It makes you feel imperfect, faulty. Shocked at BurnTheDiscoDown's story - just awful! I'm glad you feel comfortable with yourself now.

Olgaga I would never, EVER take someone up on a holiday if it came with such crap conditions. Thank you for the term "strapping" - I love it! I have stupid bloody massive boobs which I think make me look bigger than I am. It means that while my trousers can be an 18, my top has to be a 22 sometimes to accommodate my boobs, but then it looks baggy round the middle, if you get me. V necks with pulled in waists look most flattering, but cos of my chest and shape they often look inappropriate, esp for work. It's not fun clothes shopping. (As a mini rant, anyone else shop in Evans? I find it so frustrating - why are there so few elegant, understated, classy looking tops in there? Why do they assume all bigger women are into bold, brash, coloured patterns? And horrid, scratchy materials.)

So, I've been and done my Tesco shop this morning and I have made a conscious effort to avoid the great big joints of meat, the pork chops, the beer. Crisps have been replaced by crab sticks. I have bought a new wok and stir-fry ingredients and diced turkey. This is not for her, this is because I want to stat eating more healthily.

Two problems I have:

1. I grew up on a farm and while my mum was brilliant at teaching me to cook, I am now great at cooking things like big, meaty dinners, roasts, casseroles and "heavy" food like that. I need to build up a repetoire of light but filling meals.

2. I eat to cheer myself up. After a shit day at work (most days) I look forward to food. I don't want this to be the case any more.

Anyway, when I feel brave enough I will wander over to the weight loss section. Hell will freeze over before I tell grandmother I am altering my diet. Have been consoling myself with all the other crap she comes out with - asylum seekers, immigrants, women in high up positions.... just makes me realise someone who has such stupid general views should not be able to upset me.

I hate people who have achieved NOTHING BEYOND weight maintenance and yet regard that as their sole raison d'etre. YANBU. You sound like some one who has achieved a LOT.

PS. Nobody knows how to lose weight PERMANENTLY, and if 100 women lose 2 stone, 95% will regain it PLUS 10 % within a year. Fact. It's NOT simple.

That's exactly it, sieglinde, and that's why conversations about weight loss are so tedious! This woman at our work went on some magical diet and lost about 3 stone - yes she looked great, but every sodding lunchtime it was a topic of conversation. Now she's put it all back on and then some - and she's utterly miserable. But she's a successful woman with a great family!

Yes, agreed. My experience too - very high-achieving women will be complimented on visible weight loss when OTHER achievements seem not worth praising. I know women who have been praised more for losing a few pounds than for massive career achievements. AND IT'S SO BORING because you KNOW that in a year all the weight will be BACK. But it's no use saying so.

Is she Dr Gillian Mckeith?

You know the one Dara O'Brien called a dried up shrew! Sounds like she wants to make you her project.

The hounding and personal criticism is hurtful but the bribery is unforgiveable. Tell her she's upsetting you and you will not discuss your weight at all.

If she starts, you leave. Send letters back unopened. Hugs.

OP your Gran is mean, I wonder if we have the same Gran!!! Mine does this constantly to my Mum and Dad, who admittidly could both do with loosing a few pounds, and also to my aunt-her daughter who is the size of a house. BUT its each persons business!!!

When i told her we were having a boy she sort of went "oh" as if she would only have been happy if if were a girl. It wasnt the highly delighted we were having a baby like I got from my Nan. Gran also said i looked "really tired". YES i am really tired im pregnant and I am having trouble sleeping. YOU look really OLD! mwwwaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahah

Some people are born without a filter between their brain and mouth, some people loose their filter when they are pregnant! (i think i might have)
Our miserable Grans fall into one of these catagories!!

No she is not the dried up shrew! :) Gillian McKeith is that awful woman who got people sifting through their own poo, isn't she?
Yes you're right, it's the bribery aspect I find most hurtful.

Cubtrouble, that was an interesting reaction from your Gran - is it just the girls she is vile to?

Gin if your Gran knows the constant jibes about your weight hurt you why does she continue saying things? Sounds a bit spiteful?