To think I'm NOT a single mum...

[LiamsMummyJaz]

Me and my friend were discussing yday getting married before kids.. I personally as long as the parents are in a stable loving relationship doesn't think it matters as long as there are plans for marriage in the future (I wanted to get married while I was pregnant but DP wants a 'do' and wants DS to be involved) But my friend said... 'well your a single mum.. Your not married..'
I argued the toss that I wasn't, but am I wrong? Am I classed as a 'single mum' to people because I'm not married?

Oops..... From looking at the relationships board!!

You are co-habiting. A single parent is one who doesn't not have a long term and "serious" partner who assits with the children's care and financial needs even if those children are from a previous relationship. This is my view.

Charlotteperkins - how am I being judgmental? It was a simple question. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with being a single mum. Single mums need medals! I would never cope on my own with or without DS. I'm sorry if I come across that way

To be honest, you get shat on by being a cohabitee in a parental relationship AND you depend financially upon your partner. The dwp will treat you as 'married' but, if you split up, you will have little recourse to your partner's income OTHER than child maintenance. Now I think this is fair myself as I think that nobody should be deemed as married by dint of cohabitation, however, those are the facts and some may see it as being unfair.

I think that if people are going to become dependent upon a partner for cash while being a sahp, they might as well marry. It's just the pragmatic thing to do, really.
Money aside, if you have not actually said that your dp is your partner on legal forms etc, he won't be. Legally, you are strangers.

'Stable loving relationships' are all very well and good, but unless it is on paper officially, it means eff all.

But on legal documents you'd be single as to your marital status, i know, so strange. Someone who I became friends with recently with recently suggested that as I am a single mum, I'd qualify automatically for tax credits (they were being helpful not snide). I wish. I co-habit and partner's income counts towards mine.

Nickell dorrit (sp?) you have written what i've been trying to explain!!

There's nothing strange about it. From a freedom of choice point of view, nobody should be seen as married if not actually married. I wouldn't want somebody deciding for me if my relationship was a lifelong committed one or just a quick living in sin fling.

Seriously, though, if cohabiting with kids, you might as well be married.

Does the same friend class your DP as a single dad? If your DP has PR and she doesn't, why doesn't she?

You are co-habitating. You are co-parenting. All forms concerning your DS will ask you if you have sole PR.

You are being counted in the statistics for unmarried mothers.

I wonder about the terms single parent and lone parent sometimes. DD is 16 and I separated from her father when she was 16 months old. I have not had another partner. However, I am uncomfortable with single/lone parent as her dad is still her parent and we still parent her together.
You are definitely not a single parent.

I want to get married!! I would have got married whilst pregnant. But DP wants a big white one. (never going to have the money for it)

She is, however, single and should really pay attention to the fact that cohabiting means eff all legally.

If you are married and your spouse dies intestate, you will inherit his worldly goods that he owns alone (not counting JOINTLY owned stuff that you have joint ownership of) . If you are UNmarried and your partner dies intestate, you will inherit nothing of his. You can go to a court to ask that you have some of his money, and they may agree, however, it is not automatic at all and many unmarried women lose out big time.

He's only got a bike in his name...

You're not a single parent.

And my stable loving relationship doesn't mean F all. It means lots, on paper and off it. And I'd be worse off married.

It depends on what you consider the law. Legally the OP has no rights to inheritance, or under the Mental Health Act. There are other statutory agencies who would recognise her status as co-habitee.

However in the main she is his partner.

in the eyes of the government you are not single, if you were applying for benefits or social housing you would be regarded as a couple.

Not that this is the point.

You are in a relationship with the father therefore not a single mum! I would say your friend is nuts, but i'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she is old fashioned!

Yeah, the dwp will treat you as 'married' when it comes to not giving you money. Funny that. .

But I am afraid to say that you are single when it comes to the law.

I shall give you a classic example of this: my friend lived with her partner, they had two children, she gave up work to be a sahp for about 5 years. He left her.

She-mistakenly believing in myth of 'common law wife'- thought she could have maintenance from him. He was only liable for children.

The bottom line is that if cohabiting, you've got to get it all written down as regards finances and what should happen in event of splitting up or death. The bottom line is that cohabiting in itself has no legal rights attached to it.

Of course, if you've nothing to lose there is no point.