To want to dump a close friend over this?

[StrawberrytallCAKE]

Subject A and I have been friends for well over ten years, through that time we've seen boyfriends come and go, marriage and children and we are quite different but a few things have happened lately to make me reconsider the friendship. AIBU?

Her dh organises an event yearly which she originally invited me to last year. They also invited an ex as they think he is some sort of celebrity (I would argue strongly against this) although they only know him through me and he wasn't a great bf at all. My dh used to work in the same line of business as my exb and knows how awful he is to women and what a 'sociopath' he is. Exb also tried to contact me in the last year and dh wasn't happy about that!

Dh and I would have been in a really uncomfortable position attending said event and so we politely declined, I did tell A why we said no and she was very understanding. Move on a year to the same event happening next month, she called me last night and asked if we would come as she has the last tickets, then she text and said sorry my exb is coming, then she called and said 100% exb is not coming will we come? I again politely declined not really interested in being backup to my ex.

A also seems to speak to my exb frequently via text and I find that weird. A used to hide a lot from her close friends regarding who she was sleeping with and frequently got close to any of our exes as soon as we'd broken up. I thought since getting married and having dc it may have changed, not that it is my business but her moral compass doesn't seem to have moved.

AIBU to feel like we should be her priority over exb and that she mustn't value me as a friend? Or is it up to her to decide who she wants to invite and as it is our problem it is our decision not to go?

The other reason I am not sure about our friendship is she started to wean her dc at 4 weeks!? I felt IWBU to end the friendship over this but I did tell A how it is strongly not advised by hv's to put it lightly.

I hope I didn't ramble too much. Please don't flame me over unacceptable grammar .

Are you sure she was weaning onto solids at 4 weeks? You must have got your wires cross.

Re the whole Ex issue, it's only a problem if you let it be one, you're all grown ups and unless he did something really horrible to you then I suggest you grow up a bit.

If you want to break-up with your friend then just do so, you'd probably be doing her a favour.

What a bitch!

No I didn't get my wires crossed.

Lol, I've being called worse.

heres a thing, i have two children, one is 21 and the other is 6, i was actively encouraged by my HV to wean at 12 weeks with DD1, the same HV was giving me advice to wean DD2 at six months - imagine my joy at telling her how i weaned my first at 4 months, her was a picture, i especially enjoyed reminding her that it was actually her that advised me to wean DD1 at three months, it was quite a moment.

As for your friend, i reckon shes shagging yoru mate, but hes an ex, what do you care.

I don't think YABU. I totally get that your friend can be friends with anyone she wants and you have to accept that, but I do think there should be an element of loyalty too.

When I was married, I confided a lot to my close friend. We had been friends since we were 11. We had holidays together where he was actually quite horrible to her (and I ended up apologising) and yet when we split up, they chose to stay friends with him. I really felt it was a betrayal, even though they can be friends with anyone they like!

So I do get it.

It's not unreasonable to want to come before ex-boyfriends in your friends' lives, why shouldn't you? So no, I don't think it's unreasonable that you are bent out of shape over that.

And weaning a baby onto solids at 4 weeks must surely be classed as abuse? I don't understand people saying it's your friend's baby/her decision.

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

If you've been friends for so long your friend should show loyalty to you not you ex!!

Really her and her DH are ditching loyalty over looking good socially.

I'd ditch her just for that.

the weaning doesn't really matter but she does sound like a crap mum and if you only want to be friends with good mums then ditch her for that too Xx

Of course your past can get messy, complicated, people change, circumstances alter the balance of a friendship that was once was easy to being more awkward. Some friendships are worth the work, worth fixing, some really are not and are not worth getting your knickers in a twist over.

Maybe you need to let go and see her less and you and your dh make some new friends to spend time with, and still she 'A' on a one to one basis.

Would decline for the start if you don't want to go, don't.

I actually don't think you are being unreasonable.

If this guy treated you badly and she only knew him through you in the first place then her loyalty should be to you. However, you can't really make people behave as well as you might hope they would, I would just quietly lose touch with her. She sounds pretty shallow anyway.

As to the weaning that would make me incredibly uncomfortable and I would find it hard to be around that. There is a big difference between 4 weeks and 4 months.

Trois You got there before me with TOWIE!!
This whole thread is like watching an episode. :o

Exes are only trouble if you let them get in the way!